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View Full Version : The Stain that Stains or the writing process of the Stained minded


paul brian deberry
01-25-2017, 09:04 PM
Couple days ago a posted the tag of The Stain (http://www.fisticuffswriting.com/the-stain-that-stains-or-i-like-taglines/) and it received such fanfare and accolades (#alternate facts) that I felt compelled to share the writing process. I'm sure you'll just love the shit out of it (#alternate facts)

You can also check out some more page layouts by clicking that link^ above.

******
Two or three panels. All seen from the ground level from the dead hero POV. A pair of nicely dressed legs are standing in a bloody stained mess. The setting can be a diner or just a room. These two guys are talking.
1. Shit! I think I got some of that little girl on my tie.
2. Shut up you idiot. Ain't you got no respect for the dead?

Next panel similar stuff. Same ground level stuff.
1. Hey, this one's still alive.
2. Not for long he ain't.

....

Jump ahead few years...
1941
Night.
Rainy.

A three story building. Several guys run into it.... Few minutes later cops are parked out in front. The guys along with a hostage are figuring out what to do next. The girl with them is freaking out.

(You asshole you lead the cops right to us.
It's this bitches fault.

Shut up! I just heard something.

Cops?

No something else.)

Guy goes to look and never returns. The other guys are like holy hell. A chair from out nowhere nails some poor bastard and he blames one of the other guys. Draws his gun on him.

The girl that the guys have is freaking out. Crying screaming!!

One of the guys bitch slaps her!

(shut up bitch!!)

This is when we finally see our ghost hero.... He screams madly, shaking the room. The ghost then jumps into the body of one of the guys (this is not the guy that slapped the girl) and snaps the guys neck. The neck of the guy whose body he is inside. The body breaks its own neck! The now three guys. Start firing at the now visible ghost. Bullets hit the wall.... Except one.... That one is frozen in mid air... The ghost eyes glow red, the three are frozen in fear! The bullet zips into action, hitting the guy that slapped the girl. Center forehead.

One guy runs, the other holds the girl in a death grip.

Before the runner can get far he is grabbed by the ghosts icy grip, then he's being slammed against the nearest wall, nearly destroying the wall, the guy screams in terror and the ghost throws him out the third story window, crashing on an unexpected cop car...

Outside. The main cop screams for the other cop to get in that building.

Back in the building. In the room.

The guy with the girl is face to face the ghost! The ghosts eyes burning with fire...

He speaks for the first time.
(tell Steel Malone that Manny Oakland is coming for him!)

The ghost screams and flies towards the exit door. The door that's occupied by a couple cops.

The cops turn behind them.

(what the fuck?)

Last panel is a stain on the wall with the STAIN logo.

Fin

Now for the script and how it might breakdown with the next post.

paul brian deberry
01-25-2017, 09:10 PM
.......
1.
Two or three panels. All seen from the ground level from the dead hero POV. A pair of nicely dressed legs are standing in a bloody stained mess. The setting can be a diner or just a room. These two guys are talking.
1. Shit! I think I got some of that little girl on my tie.
2. Shut up you idiot. Ain't you got no respect for the dead?

Next panel similar stuff. Same ground level stuff.
1. Hey, this one's still alive.
2. Not for long he ain't.

2.
Jump ahead few years...
1941
Night.
Rainy.
Police cars screaming in the rain.
A three story building.

3.
Several guys run into it....
Cops stop out in front.
The guys alone with a hostage are figuring out what to do next.
The girl with them is freaking out.

You asshole you lead the cops right to us. It's this bitches fault.

Shut up! I just heard something.

Cops?

No something else.

4.
Guy goes to look and never returns!
There is some kind of unidentifiable loud noise.
The other guys are like holy hell.
A chair from out nowhere nails some poor bastard and he blames one of the other guys.
Draws his gun on him.

5.
The girl that the guys have is freaking out. Crying screaming!!
One of the guys bitch slaps her!

(shut up bitch!!)

This is when we finally see our ghost hero.... He screams madly, shaking the room. The ghost then jumps into the body of one of the guys (this is not the guy that slapped the girl) and snaps the guys neck.
The neck of the guy whose body he is inside.
The body breaks its own neck!
There are now three guys.

6.
Start firing at the now visible ghost.
Bullets hit the wall, hit the possessed corpse...
Except one....

7.
The one is frozen in mid air... The ghost eyes glow red, the three are frozen in fear!

The bullet zips into action, hitting the guy that slapped the girl. Center forehead.

One guy runs, the other holds the girl in a death grip.

8.
Before the runner can get far he is grabbed by the ghosts icy grip, then he's being slammed against the nearest wall, nearly destroying the wall,
The body of the broken-necked corpse is starting to come apart, should be nice and gruesome.

9.
The guy screams in terror and the ghost throws him out the third story window, crashing on an unexpected cop car...

Outside. The main cop screams for the other cop to get in that building.


10.
The cops, in the rain, rallying around the corpse.
The Sergeant tells them to get in there, have to save that girl.

11.
Back in the building. In the room.
The ghost corpse is turning on the last guy.
He starts to creep across the room.
The ghost is coming out of the corpse.
Innards are sticking to the invisible ghost.

12.
Now only a bloody invisible form is walking toward the guy.
This should be fairly horrible.
The guy with the girl is face to face the ghost!
Then the ghosts eyes start burning with fire…

13.
The ghost stands in front of the guy, silent.
Dead silent.
Then it speaks for the first time.
(tell Steel Malone that Manny Oakland is coming for him!)

14.
Dead silent again.
Ice cold, terrified silence.
The ghost screams, it shrieks!
The girl is yanked from the guy’s arms, into mid air. Now she’s scared but doesn’t realize she’s being rescued.

15.
Cops at the door.
They got there just in time to hear the shriek.
A cold wind is coming at them, and the woman in mid-air.
There’s another scream from the ghost as it drops the woman on the cops, who try their damndest to catch her.

16.
The cops are scared shitless.
They’re in the foreground.
Move a little to the background, the guy who is nearly literally scared to death.
On the wall around him is the mark of The Stain!