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david_landi
11-27-2016, 07:31 AM
Hello everyone, I'm back with some samples drawn over the famous Batman script from Talent Development.

Any critique accepted...thanks!

http://i.imgur.com/JFWmNwS.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HWO1jgl.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/GwM4K3Y.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/UJKMxuy.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/y6al2rW.jpg

spiritsdestiny
11-28-2016, 04:45 PM
Wow I love it

Komic_Brew
12-11-2016, 08:28 PM
very dynamic, bravo!

Steve Colle
12-12-2016, 03:50 PM
David, your pages look structurally sound and your style looks clean and, above that, marketable. Can you provide us the script you were working from? The reason I ask is that I'd love to see how they introduce the transition from the kitchen scene to the Batcave: was it a textual transition that allows a flow from panel 3 to panel 4 or is it a time jump? Scene transitions are hard when they appear on the same page and not on a page turn as they can lead the reader to do a double-take, creating a sudden stop in the flow of their reading the page and its text. Sometimes the introduction of a wider gutter space between tiers separating scenes can help facilitate that transition, while other times they use a change in color (though I find the latter to still cause a pause to adjust for the reader). The idea is to create a flow when needed and a stop when it should be intended.

The second page appears to have some wonky perspective to the buildings in the lower portion of the page: they seem broken into sections that, when looking at the structures in the middle of either side, look to be leaning more than those heading to the background. It doesn't seem to be gradual either, but rather sectional. The same can be said of the excessive slant on the building (above the others) in the image's middle left with the water tower on it.

Two more things that stand out for me when looking at Page Two and then at subsequent pages is the "clown mouth" and the presence of three daggers. His mouth on this page looks like he has clown makeup around it, something that doesn't match with images of his face that follow. As for the three daggers, they seem to have disappeared without reason after their introduction in this image. Were they used somehow and, if not, where did they go?

I can only assume without seeing the script that there is a clear pattern of three fireballs, three arrows, three snakes, and three daggers. It might be an idea to try to create more balance to your man and the props around him by putting the fireballs over his head and not keeping them to the left with the arrows. This would actually enhance a sense of balance in the general chaos of his surroundings.

Pages Four and Five also leave me with some questions as they pertain to Catwoman:

On Page Four, you have Catwoman jumping into the scene with her whip's thong freely twisting around, but not attached to anything (which tells me she leaped in). However, in the panels of the fifth page, she no longer has the whip visible.

Another problem I have is the sequence of actions that result in Selena coming into the scene and arriving inside the building: She never landed to jump again and cover the distance and also, she suddenly appears inside the room without going through the window.

Finally, the last panel on Page Five has two issues with hands: the woman on the left has her thumb really low on her hand and Catwoman's right hand looks like a large fist with what appears to be her middle finger sticking out.

Most editors, when dealing with a production schedule, will not make observations such as these because it means sending the artwork back for adjustments, but your job is to avoid these types of issues.

Again, generally strong structure, but definitely some points to adjust for clarity, consistency, and flow.

Regards,

Steve Colle
EDITOR'S EYE VIEW Freelance Services
editors.eye.view@gmail.com

Addition and clarification to comment:

Addressing my comment about Catwoman's arrival into the room, I wanted to clarify that I did notice you established in a previous panel that the window leading to the room she lands in was shown, so 2 + 2 does equal 4 in understanding her direction.

In the long shot featuring the three heroes and the villain, you have Selena positioned between Batman and the villain in mid-air. Here's where pacing and staging come into play:

Pacing dictates either filling in some blanks with additional information (her landing near Batman, her in mid-air left of the villain, her in mid-air right of the villain, her nearing the entrance of the window, being in the room) or any combination of such or single image that would allow a clear representation of this information. With that said, if she were simply placed on the right of the villain, closer to the window, then her pending arrival through the window would be clearer (we also wouldn't think she will miss the mark).

Staging, on the other hand, follows this same idea of her position in the image while laying the image components in such a way to ensure the clearest message and intent. The long profile shot works to indicate her distance to travel if that is the most important message, but you could also go the route of layering Batman/villain/Catwoman/window with Batman in the extreme foreground and the window in the background to help isolate character placement without facial reactions. Likewise, you could go the other route of the window frame in the extreme foreground to see everyone's face, like Selena's determination, thrill of the action, or cockiness. What message is most important to the story?

I hope this helped.

Steve Colle
12-13-2016, 03:21 PM
The script for these pages can be found at this link: https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/dce-wordpress-prod-website-web-public/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/22105100/Batman-Sample-Script_FINAL_3_18.pdf

I found it interesting that the script starts at Page Two and goes to Page Six. If there was a Page One supposed to be included, two things could have happened: 1) the person who wrote the script deliberately had these start as facing pages without a page turn or hook, or 2) it was a mistake on their part to number them the way they did. If it was deliberate, does having them start as facing pages affect how Page Two should or shouldn't create a hook (as facing pages don't benefit from them as much as back-to-back)?

I also found it interesting that the writer had Bruce/Batman think "This guy looks seriously badass." This sounds more like something Dick would say, not at all Bruce's approach to dialogue.

Though the script did leave a lot open for interpretation, I do find that some key elements described were missing or manipulated in your samples. A big detail that is hidden in the corner of the shot with the three people on the bed is the crib. It describes in the script to make it seen, but the baby's presence didn't need to be made known. That's a prop that has pertinence, so get it out into the open in your image. Also, the writer did state that Catwoman could be shown entering the scene in an action pose or crouching. I believe the action pose was better as well, but because you had the jump without a landing or base to jump to the window from, it created the sense of extra long distance.

Choices.

One thing I will say is that editors consider the quality and consistency of the art, but they also look at the story and whether or not the art is meeting the needs of the plot, dialogue, characterization, etc. The script doesn't have to be interpreted word for word, but the essence and direction does. Is this met in your samples? That's for them to decide.

I do suggest that you draw from the other sample scripts they provided if you haven't already done so. The more you have, the better they can assess your work and your understanding of the medium.