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Marqphillipsp3
11-21-2016, 12:53 AM
Hey all!
I did a quick-strike 3 page set for my portfolio. I'm refining my hatch work and using sight lines to guide the eye around the page more effectively! I really love the out come, and I hope you enjoy them. Please tell me what you all think!

http://other00.deviantart.net/c949/o/2016/321/0/1/01dafec667d11b1816dc4e6199a3fd47.jpg
http://other00.deviantart.net/118b/o/2016/321/5/7/5738e80727645f40261151761d426c49.jpg
http://other00.deviantart.net/a42b/o/2016/323/9/8/98b40b24058200ac021fe4206c5f5195.jpg

I am looking for work as well, so if you'd like for me to draw your book
Send me an email here! marqphillipsp3@gmail.com
visit my portfolio to see more of my work!
http://marqphillipsp3.daportfolio.com/
And if you want to see pages as they are finished please visit my Facebook page here:
https://www.facebook.com/Marqphillipsp3

Marqphillipsp3
11-21-2016, 01:26 AM
I'm amped to hear your thoughts guys!

Sheldon
11-21-2016, 03:21 AM
I'm not too into the stylized hatching, but I get it.
The big problem for me is that it doesn't show how far away he is from the guy he's shooting at. As far as I know he could be 3 feet from them, maybe he is.
Anyway, I like the facial gestures. I can tell the guy is trying to be suave and impress the not very impressed lady.

sevans
11-21-2016, 07:03 PM
The stylised cross hatching is distracting, and sometimes out of place.

On the man made buildings etc, straight lines/hatching can work.
On the organic plant silhouettes, perfect lines look wrong IMO.

It could get over used very easily and just become a cheap gimmick.

Roel_Torres
11-22-2016, 12:38 AM
So, here's the thing with your cross-hatching. You've started a couple of threads, this one with the Spy art and the Iron Man one. And if you include my thoughts, you've had at least four different people comment on the fact that the cross-hatching is excessive and distracting. And the thing is, you don't need it. Your fundamentals are strong enough that you don't need to resort to smoke and mirrors to cover up technical weaknesses.

My guess is that you are trying to come up with something visually distinctive, to help you develop a signature style. Which is an admirable goal. You are trying to carve out your own unique identity in a world full of talented artists. And I think you have a shot. The cross-hatching is interesting, but you are leaning on it too much. It can be a useful tool, but at the rate you're using it, it's all anybody notices. And that's not the sign of successful sequential art. You are preventing the reader from an immersive experience, and forcing them to work past your stylistic decisions. It should be much more seamless than that.

Otis Redding and Michael Bolton both recorded successful versions of Sitting On the Dock of the Bay. But Redding is a much better artist than Michael Bolton because he shows restraint and touch, while Bolton just belts out notes at maximum power throughout an entire song. Less is more. Save your cool tricks for the perfect moment, so that they have more meaning. When you plaster every panel with stylized cross-hatching, it means less and less. When everything is a big moment, then nothing is a big moment.

If I had to give you a number, I would suggest cutting down on the stylized cross-hatching by about 80%. Most specifically, in the instances where you use it as a design element, as opposed to an indicator of form or lighting.

I wish you good luck as your evolve in your artistic journey. You have a lot of talent and I like your work. But at the moment, your application of cross-hatching is actually detracting from the quality of your art, not augmenting it.

Cheers,
Roel

Marqphillipsp3
11-22-2016, 08:15 AM
Thanks! I dont want for this to be a gimmick. So it's ball to the drawing board for me, I have to keep growing if i want to succeed. I appreciate the critique

baixam
11-24-2016, 09:12 AM
Totally agree with all about the cross hatching: if you show it less ( far far less) it out stands more.

About the storytelling, I do not like the first page. It is a establishing shot but IMO it doesn't help to relate the two actions

Almayer
11-24-2016, 12:20 PM
I agree with all that has been said about the stylized cross hatching. Nothing to add to that matter.

But I think that your figure drawing needs more attention than the cross hatch. I see several perspective and symmetry problems in the heads (mostly on page 2) and proportion issues here and there too. (If you need me to be more specific, just let me know and I'll post some images with corrections; always my own opinion, I'm no teacher or expert, just someone trying to help).

I like what you have done with these pages and the iron man ones, but looks that you're more concentrated on cool appeareance than good construction. I must be honest, I tend to have this same problem in my pages, but I guess it's easier to see the problems in other people pages than in your own ones!

So, if you accept the advice, you should worry about drawing well rather than acquiring a style different from the others. The fact that you are the one who draws these pages sets them apart from the rest, it is personal, but your own distinctive style will develop with work and time. I know this is the same advice everyone gives, but it's because it's the only one that really makes you a good draftsman.

Ike-Dog
11-25-2016, 12:44 AM
I don't have a problem with the cross hatching effect. It's interesting. But constantly differentiating it to separate your scenes will be exhausting. In the 2 scenes where he's lining up the shot and she's taking a drink the hatching effect is so similar it makes it seem like they are in the same room. But I wouldn't totally nix it. Just refine it.

MattTriano
11-26-2016, 02:03 PM
PG 1
I applaud your effort, nice values & pencil technique, but it doesn't work overall. Conflated space, hatching doesn't help. Where are those birds in relation to the helicopter? I can't tell. Building looks flat, almost isometric, but there are no other visible planes to help me understand it so I don't buy it. One point perspective is all you need, show a little more of it. Textures fight composition, lighting hurts clarity. Why does his gun barrel in FG poke up and partially cover the chopper? Organize the place. Design it. Then plan the foliage to create atmospheric perspective to reinforce the angle on the building. How high off the jungle floor is this guy walking, and on what surface? Hill? Big tree roots? Rocks? Guy in fg can be on a hill, mired in shrubbery, in the dark -- ok -- but all else needs more thought to sell the composition as-is. There's also a ton of room to play with it. What elements need introduction here? Who (the guy), What (walking away from transport), Where (dense jungle, formerly inside helicopter), When (day?), Why (unknown but rifle suggests hunting). That's the main info, now go nuts. Splash page!

I'll make one note and won't mention it again unless in specific: geometric hatching on organics like plants and people is a hard sell. Less is more.

PG 2
2.1 shapes unclear. It seems like an abstraction but I don't know why. Plants are bullshit, leaves don't work that way -- why not look up the plants and reference them? Why do the shadows obscure where he ends and the foliage begins? 2.2 who are those two and are they in a giant tile room? Where are they in relation to the shooter? Is this a tough shot or an easy one? How can I know? Those glasses look giant but I know they're supposed to be in FG -- why do this? What are you telling the reader by making them guess? Expressions are ok but everything on this page needs reference and it seems you avoided that research as much as possible. 2.3 his eyes are way off, right one is drooping low. 2.4/2.5 does he roofie her? Does he pour from that GIANT bottle, because now the bottle looks proportionate to the glass. 2.6/2.7 ok expressions but why are their heads smushed against the panel borders so that you cut off their ears? What does the reader gain from this composition? 2.8 nice but the gun seems a little general and the geometric hatching, while good for value, hurts the believability of the plant life around him.

PG 3
3.1 his face is jacked, 3.2 is good (although glass should be closer to her mouth at that angle), 3.3/3.4 are superfluous why separate the action when is immediate? Waste of space. 3.5 is ok but how close was she to the window? Where was the window? Why is so much glass flying out from a little sniper bullet? You could have googled high speed bullet photography on Youtube and had perfect ref for the way a bullet hits a champagne glass, how it shatters, what happens to the liquid and micro-debris. 3.6 ok but needs ref, 3.7 suddenly the sniper is above the guy? He shot out the window and glass at chest level earlier in the page, now he's shooting down on the guy? What the fuck happened? 3.7 is a nice end but doesn't need background.

A lot of missed opportunities here. Thanks for posting but these are fairly weak, general lack of thought and planning. You can draw, use way more ref and plan these things clearly. You can do that.

Post more when you can. Keep going.

M

TimR
11-28-2016, 02:27 PM
Then again, they say that if something you do pisses people off.. do more of it. So, in that spirit, I recommend MORE zany stylized cross-hatching!!! :-)

Marqphillipsp3
11-29-2016, 09:07 AM
Thanks all. I've been hard at work on a project. It's really polarizing the hatching. People here seem to hate it. But everywhere else I post it there's a great response. I'm experimenting with it to find that sweet spot. It may be overbearing now but i'll keep drawing and refining it until it's the perfect balance. I will be using all the critiques I've gotten in my new artwork! More pages to come after my book is completed!

Bishop
11-29-2016, 09:57 AM
So, just a thought on the hatching...

As someone pointed out, it seems odd to have such structured/inorganic hatching on organic objects. I think this is magnified by having the same style hatching on buildings and structures as you do on the organic items within the same panel. This pushes the organic objects into the background and confuses the eye with a texture for these plants/people/etc. that doesn't make sense for the subject matter. Maybe don't use the same hatching technique on both types of objects within the same panel?