View Full Version : Battle on the red planet 4: Aftermath

08-17-2016, 02:28 AM
Battle on the red planet 4: Aftermath

By Scott Lee Jinks

B.O.T.R.P Issue #2

(c) 2015 S.L.J

Page 12

Panel 1

We see H2X Girl, and Terron , H2X Girl, Asian appearance (alien), strange substance coming from hand, not really solid, not really liquid, translucent. Terron is part human, part winged pteranodon, Mars landscape.

Caption 1- The Prehumanoids, and Alien Mutants will combine forces to battle a formidable sized superhero team, that greatly out numbers them!

Caption 2- H2X Girl is omitting H2X, a substance only found on her now extinct planet, when enveloping opponent, they become immobilized, and experience a feeling they cannot understand, causing panic!

Panel 2

Krullians seen, 4 large heads, human skin tone, multiple insect like eyes, mandibles, and antennas.

Krullians- Now you get ready for your greatest challenge, can the combined might of the Prehumanoids, and Alien Mutants withstand!

Page 13(whole page panel)

We see Iron Agent, similar to Iron Man, except nose, man's nose covered with metal, teeth seen under mouth area(opening), human eyes seen under eye openings, different chest piece, colors, silver, and royal blue, armor, and gauntlets tweaked, ear piece on helmet same. Man who's skin, and muscles (burned in bombing) replaced with armor/skin and machinery. Dark Horse, Caucasian man, crew cut (I kind of picture Bruce Willis, if I had to choose an actor), no costume, jeans, work boots, flannel shirt open, t-shirt with L.A sports team emblem, sweat shirt jacket. Animatron- looks like in the mold of shogun warriors, or vultron, 12 ft tall, orange, green, black, yellow, red, armor an amalgam of dragon, eagle, cobra, tiger, and mantis. Death Warrant((c)2000 s.l.j)- man with black and white Ying and yang mask, eyes only seen, Ditko outlined eyes, black and white ninja style uni, orange trim. Beast Lad, teen Asian boy about 13, behind him the real yeti, and sasquatch, both about 12 ft, one white, one brown, I picture them like War of the Gargantuas monsters, but drawn by Jack Kiirby, if you can picture them you must be as old as me! But they are not half man, half monsters like many similar characters, they are the real monsters of legend controlled by a boy mutation! Death Claw, Asian man with green and gold dragon mask, based on Chinese dragon. Hands are actual dragon claws, starting at wrist, uni is part spandex, part martial arts uniform, with sash/ belt around middle. Zantar- Similar to Tarzan(except a mutation raised in the jungle, as an adolescent began to absorb the power of any living thing he touched till he reached adulthood), long black hair down back, loin cloth, belt made of vines, tan skin. Captain Platypus, Platypus standing up, and acting like human, holding futuristic gun, machine gun bullets belt like Rambo wrapped around him. Grim, large man with white skeleton like armor, black hood, and cape, white skull make up over face, holding sickle. Fort Knox, African American, hair, clean shaven, black sun glasses, black trench coat, black special forces uniform, and black military boots, black gloves, military belt. Death Race, Caucasian man with black leather jacket /cut off on sleeveless, tattoo of red dragon breathing fire seen, tattoo of webbing with spiders seen, tattoo of metallic bat seen, riding on futuristic motorcycle. Combat, man wearing light blue, navy blue, and silver metallic battle armor, helmet like futuristic motor cycle helmet with tinted visor, portal behind him with many Combat clones coming through. Teen Meteorite, Asian girl, short jet black hair, orange and dark grey uni.

Caption - Vengeance League Los Angeles is ready for battle!

Page 14

Panel 1

We see Dark Horse, male angel behind him, wings, angelic armor, sword.

Caption- Sgt. Jack Robbins aka Dark Horse, becomes powerful during difficult situations, were he will put his life on the line, or enter a situation with ought fear, a seemingly hopeless situation in most cases, and at that moment his powers kick in, flight, super strength, invulnerability to harm, super speed, all of it, when there's no impending danger or heroics needed he is completely mortal. He has no understanding of where his powers came from, but in actuality it's his guardian angel, he even knocked
out Solar Storm once, and survived a radiation blast from Aftermath. Ironically Jack is an atheist.

Panel 2

We see Death Race

Caption - Death Race is one of many super soldiers from the twisted Omega world.

Panel 3

Dragon tattoo is spreading all over body, the red scales.

Caption - Metallicons android scientists using advanced science and magic gave Death Race a unique power.....

panel 4

We see him on futuristic bike, now winged red half dragon, half man, breathing fire.

Caption 1 -He transforms into a half human version of his tattoos, which ever one he thinks of!

Caption 2- He battles the dead in one of Earth's many infected zones in Anaheim, now a zombie infested hell! And in his spare time aides the newly formed V.L L.A!

Page 15

Panel 1

We see Grim and large skeleton with Hawaiian vacation shirt eating an ice cream cone, background is Disneyland. Crowds around, dumpy middle aged man pointing.

Caption- The real Grim Reaper gave his power to a human who died, his last case, while he proceeded to go on vacation! Time is different for Grim, he can do his new job, in what seems like he was gone for hours, or days in Earth time is just seconds. He decides to use his new found powers to aid the living, as a superhero!

Grim- So this is what I have to go through all of this for?, so you can hang out at Disneyland? , and by the way, why can't anybody see you, a giant skeleton?

Grim Reaper- Relax, why not enjoy your powers, plus, you were dead meat anyway, and to answer your other question, I use my powers so the humans just see a regular guy eating an ice cream cone!

Spectator- Hey!, look at that giant skeleton, are they filming a movie?

Grim Reaper- O.k I lied, I need a little attention, so sue me!

Panel 2

We see Animatron

Caption- He was a Japanese scientist who traveled to the Philippines to find a sect of legendary monks, teaching a form of martial arts known as "the five animals" based on the dragon, mantis, eagle, tiger, and cobra. Then back in Japan he would create five androids all with A.I, that on command would join together around him forming a powerful robotic battle armor!

Panel 3

We see Iron Agent

Caption - He was a soldier in an explosion during a bombing in Iraq, burned badly scientists replaced his skin and muscles with armor, and machinery!, and Iron Agent was born!

Panel 4

Ft. Knox seen

Caption- An ex special forces soldier, his only power is he is indestructible, he is a mutation, and combined with his knowledge of martial arts, and many forms of hand to hand combat make him a force to be reckoned with!

Page 16

Panel 1

We see Earth from space, and a large flaming mass coming towards it.

Caption 1- Back on Earth, there might be more trouble than just the Legion of Evil!

Caption 2- A force of nature, known only as Aftermath!((c)1991 s.l.j)

Panel 2

We see Asteronn riding on a large asteroid, others behind him, smashing into buildings, rocks hitting cars, people running. Asteronn is Japanese man, white spiked (Manga style) hair, light blue and white uni, mask covers bottom of face up to nostrils, whited out eyes.

Caption- On Earth the Legion Of Evil continues their reign of terror, Asteronn controls asteroids, he was a student at the Rosen institute, when the Solar Squadron was sleeping he extracted blood from them injecting galactic energy irradiated blood into himself, giving him this awesome cosmic power!

Panel 3

Doctor Dead seen. Long white hair, pale skin, red, and light blue veins seen, skullish face, lines, crows feet, blood shot eyes, yellow teeth, green battle armor, almost looks like a mythic gods armor.(he is muscular, he has a disease that causes his appearance to age drastically , but internally he does not, the German born genius who was once friends with Solar Squadron, he even found a cure for his own rare illness, so why does he still look dead?, more on that next time!)

Caption - Karl Strauss, was a student at the Rosen institute(continued)

08-17-2016, 11:44 AM
Teen meteorite can fly into outer space, pin point opponent, fall back into atmosphere and back to ground landing on opponent, causing a fiery explosion, while propelling down from space she is indestructible. On Earth, completely mortal. Death Claw is proof that when you have received every belt in karate, you have defeated every master, been on every journey, completed every task, when there is nothing further to accomplish, your hands become mystical dragon claws!....Death Warrant was a soldier/mercenary who was part of an experiment that was supposed to increase his strength, speed, agility, and senses, but only increased one thing, his hit power. His hit power, kicking or punching, is beyond human, but he has no super strength or speed, or agility. He is a martial arts expert, and weapons expert, ex Ranger sniper....Scott

08-22-2016, 07:44 PM
Hi Scott,

Your imagination is on fire, but your execution shows a lack on understanding of various aspects of writing.

The simple one is formatting. What leads you to decide not to follow the general rules as well described in Bolts and Nuts? Its a totally free resource - I recommend it! Or if you like holding paper, buy one of the books on comics writing, which will definitely have a section on formatting.

I'd submit to you that you haven't done this research. You're having fun writing! That's cool, but I won't read someone's script if they aren't willing to put effort in at their end. So, posting here is an exercise in... I dunno what.

If you do decide you want to get better, bear in mind that formatting is the easiest of the writing crafts to learn. It will take you longer to get good at things like structure, character, dialogue and style.

Best wishes!

08-23-2016, 01:16 AM
Sam, great to hear from you again. You have posted a few times, taken an interest in helping me, that I appreciate, you and Dark Half, have been cool guys to talk to. I think I'm going to try to not be so Impatient, and take both of your guys advice, study awhile before I finish B.O.T.R.P. I was going to try to get it up there this week, but I'd like to finish on a positive note, with it a little more polished. I have a sci-fi, and horror story I want to get up here in the near future as well. Thanks for the compliment as well, that was a great boost of confidence, I'm an older guy, sometimes the years go by, you do question yourself. Hope to show some improvement next time around.....thanks....Scott

08-26-2016, 09:20 PM
FYI....Contact info....610 570 8228....email not working....Scott

09-07-2016, 10:08 PM
Aftermath was an alien humanoid that lived on an alien world millions of years ago. His given name is unknown. Their world experienced a nuclear holocaust, everything was destroyed. Aftermath a mutation who absorbs radiation absorbed all of the radiation on the planet changing him into an energy being, barely conscious of who he was, or were he was from. He travels through the endless cosmos searching for something that feels normal for him. He goes from world to world inadvertently destroying all life on the planet, as many more advanced planets attack him with nuclear weapons, only making him stronger. I picture him like someone combining Kirby's Galactus, and the human torch together. No helmet or suit, were his eyes and mouth are open you see crackling black energy.....thick dark smoke comming from his body. He is about 50 ft tall.....Scott

09-09-2016, 04:28 PM
The elders will create Space Hawk (name from public domain, story and art copyrighted). Most powerful hero ever. Power rivaling, even surpassing Solar Storm, the mythic gods, even Kronos. He has a royal blue and gold armor, and helmet. He looks like you took Hawk man, an Egyptian king, mixed them together, and it was drawn by Jack Kirby. Before Space Hawk, humble scientist Dr. Donald Clifton sets to do battle with the Legion of Evil, not even knowing the planet killer "Aftermath" is on the way.....President Obama calls for help from the only heroes still left on the planet....The Legion of giant superheroes!....since the 40's there have been "giant zones" popping up around the planet, especially where there's the most radiation Japan is big, and the desert regions of the U.S, often giant car sized rats, or dog sized spiders or ants will spill into populated regions that are not "giant zones". The 100 ft half spider half scorpion only known as "it" has attacked Las Vegas, and "Abominous" a giant 100 ft yeti has made his way from New York state to the city, from a giant zone in New York State, it is unclear why there was so much radiation in that part of the country. Fighting these creatures is The Legion of giant superheroes, NYC, and Tokyo have branches. U.S version stationed in NYC Is lead by Doc Goliath, a man with a 50's look, scientist coat, thick rimmed glasses....giant humans can grow to 25 ft tall, and may have different powers caused by the mutation. Jack the giant killer has a growing armor, his metal helmet vaguely resembling a skull. Silver battle armor. Giant Frankenstein is a member, stunted mentally as his parents left him in the woods to die. He survived fighting animals that preyed on him, still a giant toddler, he fended them off. He has a protruding forehead, long brown hair, scruff on face, lots of scars from all his battles with the animals, a fur outfit (like Karloff in Son of Frankenstein). He is a rare larger giant at 50 ft, he can not transform back to human size like the others, just to name a few. The Japanese team is lead by Reptilian, a Japanese man who grows into a large heroic built (not hulking) green scaly skinned hero, fanged, no eyebrows, or hair, Kirby whited out eyes, clawed, shredded blue jeans. Giant Talon blue half man, half pterodactyl, half bat....man's build, and face, long head piece of pterodactyl, and bat ears, bat wings, and pterodactyl claws, man's face, fanged, Kirby whited out eyes. An A/A soldier who fell in love with a Japanese girl and stayed there. Madame Butterfly....Japanese woman who wears a giant morphing armor from caterpillar to butterfly (based on copyrighted Morpho, and Morph). They also battle "Them" another rare 50 ft giant, who lives in caves in the desert. He has three faces on one head, the one in the center the more dominant personality, reptile eyes, sharp jagged teeth, creepy smile, horned, red scaly skin, dragon/demon like wings. He leads an army of disfigured giants who can't change back and forth, some look like insect men, or part animals, or just disfigured creatures.....Scott

09-23-2016, 08:43 PM
DW staff, just hoping for one last encore, then we will retire this script, thanks....Scott

09-29-2016, 12:46 AM
Contact .....610 570 8228

10-13-2016, 02:05 PM
DW staff, just told a few people in the industry to look here, ones that won't except submissions. Please just keep this up for another week, than I will concede....thanks for the opportunity to show my work here....Scott

10-13-2016, 03:05 PM