View Full Version : Battle on the red planet 2 :Death of a superhero

08-01-2016, 11:48 PM
Battle on the red planet 2: Death of a superhero

By Scott Lee Jinks

(c) 2015 S.L.J

Page 14

Panel 1(whole page)

We see Vampire People, leader Nosferatu, tall man, looks like silent film character to a degree, more heroic build, pale white skin, long talons, black and red uni, with cape. Whited out eyes, no bushy eyebrows like silent film char, no hook nose, heroic face as Kirby, or Buscema had drawn him. Night Child, beautiful woman, pale skin (not as white as Nosferatu), long jet black straight hair, flowing red gown shredded on bottom, cut off on arms, red spandex starts at bicep, goes to gloves, cut off at fingers, red boots up to thigh, tiny skulls ear rings, and necklace, pug nose. Vampyr Lad, normal skin tone, large bat like eyes, no pupils, bat hair, ears. Gymnast type build, red and royal blue uni. Bloodstalker, red eyes, no pupils, Kirby designed outlined eyes, jet black hair with widows peek, grey skin like bat. Muscular, fanged, no claws. Navy blue and red costume, belt buckle, silver fanged skull. Wolf Woman, white and grey wild hair, a woman's hair, yet body and face covered too. Clawed, and fanged, white and grey costume. Background is Mars.

Caption 1- We see the New Olympians opponent, The Vampire People!

Caption 2- But who are they?, how could they possibly stand up to the power of the gods?

Page 15

panel 1

We flashback to Earth, We see London streets during Victorian times.

Caption- During the late 1800's a plague ravaged England. Doctor Von Berg, a German born scientist living in London was also infected!

Panel 2

We see Von Berg with human appearance holding synthetic skin/mask in lab.

Caption- Von Berg also infected would give a blood transfusion to himself, and his friends and loved ones!

Panel 3

We see Von Berg with synthetic skin on still in lab coat.

Caption 1- Little did he know for reasons unknown a vampire donated blood!

Caption 2- All who received the transfusion would receive some vampire powers, and some vampire weaknesses, but not all!

Caption 3- Von Berg would receive vampire speed, mental powers, and razor sharp talons!, his weaknesses are having to sleep on his native soil, he has to be invited into a home, and he can not survive in sunlight, hence, he invented a synthetic skin to protect himself!

Caption 4

We see Night Child transformed, in uni, in graveyard. Bats surrounding her.

Caption- His fiance would gain the powers to control bats with high pitched shrieks, rats too, she can turn into a bat, a horde of rats, and a half human bat creature. Her weaknesses is a stake threw the heart, yet she will regenerate if it is removed, she cannot see her reflection in a mirror!

Page 16

Panel 1

We see Vampyr Lad crawling on wall, Victorian architecture.

Caption 1 - Vampyr Lad was Von Bergs' teenage assistant, once a street urchin, he's become like a son to him!

Caption 2 - He has the ability to turn into mist, has bat like agility, and can wall crawl. His weakness is running water, as in lakes, rivers, and streams, also fire, and garlic!

Panel 2

We see Wolf Woman, pack of wolves around her, foggy woods.

Caption- His fiance's sister, she is a permanent werewolf, can turn into a wolf, control wolves, her only weakness is silver, no other can be harmed by silver!

Panel 3

We see Bloodstalker , under moon.

Caption - Caine Lucas was his best friend and priest, he gained vampire strength and senses, also hypnotic eyes. His weakness is blood lust, which he copes with by drinking animal blood, other weaknesses are crosses, and holy water. This forced him to leave the priesthood, but he never lost his faith!

Panel 4

We see Teen Neptune swinging trident at Vampyr Lad, body turning to mist, and trident passing threw.

Caption- Then the battle ensues!

Page 17(whole panel)

We see Vengeance League Washington, Monument, 25 ft man, white Rock armor, normal man's face, whited out eyes, and heroic build, white hair with white pony tail, white uni with white trench coat, cut off sleeves, I see armor design somewhat to colossus, yet the details are cracks. Stealth Fighter is a man wearing black armor, it is an amalgam of human anatomy and stealth fighter jet. Dragon is a man with multi -colored Chinese dragon colors , Chinese dragon hair and antenna , horns, whiskers, scales, orange, light blue, green, red, and yellow, with a tail, fangs, and claws, no wings, whited out eyes. Black Terror, classic costume, except, black pull over mask, mouth, nose covered, only eyes seen, Ditko style, whited out, cross bones crossing entire face mask, large T made with bones on chest. Scarab, woman with purple gem armor, with Egyptian head piece and collar with scarabs made of jewels, and emeralds, cape. Medium, bald, yet beautiful Indian woman (India), uni, mixed with traditional Indian attire, and spandex. Storm Bird, American Indian Man hair pulled back in pony tail, white hawk shaped mask over eyes, whole hawk outline, not hawk man head piece, light blue, and white uni, fringes on costume. The Seal, slick black suit, goggle like eye pieces seen, rest of mask covers face, webbed feet and hands, seal design in white on right side of chest. Gold navy seal patch on arm, Vietnam patch, other arm American flag, olive utility belt. Nessie, Scottish woman with red wavy hair, costume mixture of Scottish colors, and traditional garb, and spandex uni, glow around her as she's turning into large gray Loch Ness Monster. Metal, crew cut, go tee, many tats, and piercings, black leather vest, studded Caucasian/Italian American, portable disk player seen with ear piece in ears. Lycan, Caucasian man, white and grey spiked hair, crystal blue eyes, outlined like wolf eyes, scruff. Black, red, and white uni, light blue laser claws coming from top of hand(2), one underneath wrist(copyrighted in 86"). White Lion*, Caucasian, white mask covers whole face, only eyes seen, lion ears, mane surrounding mask, white uni. With bones necklace, Caucasian muscular arms seen, fabric covers wrist, and forearm with white fur, necklace has light blue lion head gem. Osiris*, tan middle Eastern man, black trim beard, short hair, a combination of Muslim attire, and spandex, Muslim hat, heavily muscled like Superman, or Thor, handsome. Mars surface.

Caption 1- Enter Vengeance League Washington!

Caption 2- The Vengeance League Washington was created after 911, they protect the president, vice president, and their families, Air Force One, the White House, Capital building, and pentagon, also infused in are some Muslim members to help keep communication open, and show Muslim Americans are your friend, neighbor, and even in some cases superheroes!

*White Lion, Muslim superhero, parents killed in African suffari, raised by African royalty, as an adult powered by the Spirit of the White Lion, ....Osiris, after discovering he was not an actual god, found Islam, he could survive a nuclear blast with ought a scratch, and could uproot a building, strongest team member....Scott

Page 18

We see Captain England, Red coat uni, and colors mixed with spandex, hat, mask. Man Gorgo, looks like the classic horror film monster, part human, green. Tower of London, 25 ft man, Caucasian, hood and costume similar to executioner, royal blue hood, with yellow gold mask covering around eyes upper nose, royal blue uni, yellow trim, no leather, no studs. Macabre, red haired pale woman with silver cross embedded in forehead, not upside down, black leather uni, and cape, fanged, long fingernails. Black Hound, black furred were wolf like humanoid, clawed, fanged, red eyes, muscular human build, man's facial features, widows peak, with slicked back hair, even though he is generously covered with hair, but you notice this, navy blue , white, and red uni, British flag on chest. Black Prince, Caucasian, go tee, slicked back black hair in pony tail, black period armor, silver glowing Lance handle strapped on bicep. Spring Heeled Jack, blue skin, pointy ears, bulging eyes, silver costume with clear see through helmet. And two twin mutations born in Hong Kong, Dragon Lady, Chinese woman, green horns coming out of jet black hair, green dragon wings, some fire coming from mouth, and Wall of China, 25 ft man monster, red brick like armor, bricks across brow, no nose, large jaw overlapping right under nose, around top of head some bricks, or blocks can be seen like top of famous fortress, hulking build, eyes whited out, but favor an Asian shape, yellow boxer shorts/spandex.

Caption 1- We see Vengeance League Britain a more newly formed branch of the V.L!

Page 19

Panel 1 We see Medium holding one large Tarot card out from deck, Macabre approaching , in picture on card a rock slide is hitting Macabre. Card crackles with magic energy.

Caption- Medium, was given a magic tarot set from an old woman at a carnival, claiming she was a powerful psychic and rightful owner of the cards!

Panel 2

We see rock slide hitting Macabre.

Caption 1- Whatever is pictured in the cards will happen!

Caption 2- Macabre was a nun in the 1700's bitten by a vampire, an older vampire who possessed more of Dracula's powers, new vampires have less abilities, and weaknesses as Dracula's blood is more deluded in them, when she believed she was already dead and suicide was not a mortal sin she placed a silver cross on her forehead, when she awoke she had all of Dracula's powers, and no weaknesses!

Panel 3

We see Storm Bird flying towards Black Prince holding Lance handle glowing with energy.

Caption 1- Storm Bird is a mutation who can create powerful ear shattering sonic booms to disorientate opponent, flying by at super sonic speeds!

Panel 4- Black Princes magic Lance growing and striking Storm Bird.

Caption- The Black Prince faked his death and abdicated his thrown, he went on a pilgrimage eventually running into the Lady of the Lake, she knowing his heart was sincere, after the carnage he caused gave him immortality, and invulnerability to have many life times to redeem himself, plus the magical elongating lance!

FX- Crack!

Panel 5

We see Metal, music notes around his earphones, veins bulging. Opponent, Black hound.

Caption 1- Metal is one of many abducted or teenage runaways given powers by "The brain that wouldn't die", using science, and magic, trying to build an army of super soldiers until the Vengeance League rescued them, he becomes stronger the more his adrenaline is raised, he uses "heavy metal" music to do this!

Metal- For whom the bell tolls, time marches on!

Caption 2- Black Hound was a self righteous man, living in England in the 1600's, he led a witch hunt, and as they were burning the witch, she put a spell on him, cursing him to live as a were-wolf like creature, ....The Black Hound!, ....never dying, suffering for the actual innocent people he harmed!, learning the hard way the very God he believed in taught not to judge!

Page 20

Panel 1(whole page)

We see Amalga- Men, Insect, man's face, black fly insect fur, fly eyes, maybe not as large as horror movie fly, muscular build, neon green uni, fly wings. One Man Herd, grey half man, half rhino, half hippo. Black Bird, heroic man with black bird feathers covering face, whited out Kirby eyes, man's face, no ears, or hair, large black wings, black uni, white highlights. Tentacles, man with octopus arms(8, plus human arms), but translucent like jelly fish, same with head, light blue and white uni. Moon Blood, white fur, bat ears, wolf like eyes, fangs, man's face, nose, heroic build, clawed, white uni. Neon Butterfly, beautiful woman, long flowing hair, with antenna and butterfly wings, beautiful butterfly colors, but glowing. Mars landscape.

Caption 1- The Amalga-men, are the next contestants! Government scientists created a serum that when mixed with the DNA of any lifeforms in the animal kingdom, mammal, reptile, fish, bird, insect, it would give the subject those same powers!

Caption 2- They were going to create a team of super soldiers, but before they could get all of their volunteers, Congress cut off funding, one rogue scientist went ahead and put double animal DNA's in the volunteers they had, they only had half the volunteers, later THE AMALGA-MEN, would find out they were really being used as government assassins, and escaped, some stayed behind and would begin hunting down the good Amalga-Men. Represented on the planet today are only a few, we have ANT-FLY, BUTTERFLY-LIGHTNING BUG, RHINO- HIPPO, WOLF-BAT, RAVEN-CROW, OCTOPUS-JELLYFISH!

Page 21 (panel is whole page)

We see Tribe, tan American Indian woman with black Mohawk, uni ....turquoise white, light brown, with fringes, mixture of native attire, and spandex, totem pole necklace around neck, eagle, wolf, bear, puma on totem pole. Gargoyle Man, grey rock gargoyle armor, lots of cracks, helmet has eye holes, than lower part of face under nostrils seen, spike gargoyle ears, and horns on helmet, spiked gauntlets and boots, cape, Caucasian man under living armor. Captain Olympia, white male, royal blue mask with O on forehead, face seen under nostrils, small gold torches on side of mask over ears, Olympic symbol on chest(colored circles), orange pants, boots, gloves. Berlin Wall, Caucasian superman look, except bushy Russian mustache, red and gold uni, cape, on chest sickle and star inside an American flag. Elastic Man, red rubber skinned man, no ears, Kirby whited out eyes, excretes a molten, and hardening rubber, elongates. Deja Vu, tan girl, short black hair, black leather jacket covering black spandex pants, white trim, and D on jacket, black boots. Obelisk, tan Latin man (Deja Vu's brother), white costume, light blue trim. White Buffalo, large hulking man, white buffalo hair on top of head, horns, covered with white fur, man's face, heavily muscled, white boxer/spandex shorts. Wolf Pack, American Indian man, tan, long white hair, but not old, 40's, white and light blue uni, fringes on end of sleeves, and shirt, eyes whited out when changing. Outlander, red skin, black Mohawk, still black hair seen on rest of head, whited out eyes, all white spandex uni, large white cloak.

Caption- They will face Vengeance League Reserve!

Page 22

Panel 1

Glowing Wolf Pack squaring off against Insect.

Caption- Wolf Pack, given special powers by the spirit by the great white wolf....

Panel 2

We see now just 4 white wolves, glowing.....Insect seen flying.

Caption- He can change into a pack of wolves, yet, can that be enough to battle a man not only with the speed of a fly, but the strength of a man sized ant!

Panel 3

We see Tribe glowing, now facing charging hippo, rhino man.

Caption 1- The mystical Tribe faces the charging One Man Herd!

Caption 2- Grand daughter of a mighty shaman, was given the powerful totem necklace to protect her tribe, but she views all of mankind as her tribe....

Panel 4

We see her transform into grizzly bear taking a swipe at the opponent, making him swerve.

Caption- She can change into any animal seen on the totem pole!

O.M.H- Hey!

Page 23

Panel 1

We see Deja Vu in martial arts stance against Neon Butterfly.

Caption- Deja Vu, twin sister of the Obelisk (copyrighted in 1986), and mutation gets ready to battle Neon Butterfly!

Panel 2

We see Deja Vu strike

Caption- Deja Vu has the experiences of a thousand life times in her mind, living the same life over and over, is this possible?, never the less being a black belt combined with always knowing her opponents moves so that she can defend and strike, makes her deadly!

FX- Wham!

Panel 3

We see Outlander facing Obelisk

Caption- Outlander was a scientist from a titanic world, in an experiment, he began to shrink, he shrank into our world, a microscopic world in comparison, yet keeping the strength of his titanic size, he may indeed be stronger than Brother Earth, Solar Storm or the mythic gods, and is as invulnerable!

Panel 4

We see Obelisk grow into a 100 ft rock skinned monster, I picture him like early Kirby Hulk, yet flat head, no eye brows, grey rock armor, larger mouth than Kirby grey Hulk, no teeth seen, grey boxer/spandex shorts, 3 large rocky fingers and toes .

Caption- Mario is a mutation like his paternal twin sister, he grows into a 100 ft rock skinned monster, the problem is he usually does more damage when changing than any superhero- villain battle that was ensuing!

Panel 5

Obelisk causes rock slide that hits Deja Vu

Caption- And as feared the lumbering behemoth causes a potential disaster, evolving his own sister!

Page 24(one panel)

We see large panel of human sized Obelisk holding Deja Vu, it looks like Perez's famous scene with Superman holding deceased Super girl.

Obelisk- Mauricia!, what have I done?

08-02-2016, 02:51 AM
I think I created the Amalga- Men for one main reason, just wanted to feel like a writer or artist in the 30's through 60's .....the well was full of ideas, anything, spider, eagle, rhino, bat, fly, vulture, octopus, I mean, that's not including all types of energies, and minerals, and elements, but just create whatever you want, fun, fun, fun, fun,....no ....someone thought of this, or that, yet names are saturated too, so only amalga- man problem, but this is just fun, I feel like I have a hat, and suit on, just came back from a Yankee game, and a hot dog cost 5 cents!....Scott

08-07-2016, 07:55 AM
You have posted a few (three, I believe) scripts over the last two weeks or so. They all have the same basic problems. Sam had recommended hitting up www.comixtribe.com for some help. If you truly want to grow as a comic writer I recommend reading through the ENTIRETY of the Bolts and Nuts column as well as The Proving Grounds. Take what you learn from reading the 500+ articles and apply it to your next script you post. It will be worth it.

Currently you're describing things that shouldn't be in the script (character descriptions, who is the strongest member of the team), not describing things that should be in the script (what are the characters doing? Expressions?!), and nearly all the dialog is exposition. It's tough pill to swallow, even if you're going for a retro vibe.

Remember, show, don't tell.

If someone is weak to water, show it. Don't put it in a caption. Put them in water!

Think of exposition as if I invite you to my house and tell you my wife just baked this amazing apple dumpling pie, and ask you if you want a piece. After your enthusiastic yes I bring you a bowl of sugar. That sugar is your exposition. Could you eat a bowl of sugar? Sure, but it's unlikely to be pleasant. But it's definitely not what I promised you, an apple dumpling pie (story). And that pie tastes better if there is only a sprinkling of sweet. Too much and you spoil it.

Go back, study, really hone your craft, and come back with what you learned. I promise the feedback you get after that will be immensely more beneficial to you.

Good luck!

08-07-2016, 11:54 PM
DH, thanks for the advice, been obsessively crunching in 30 years of characters. I have named this summer "hell summer"(won't go into detail), probably won't get to study much....in free time trying to finish B.O.T.R.P(there's villains too!), although I know its rough around the edges....like to study and put up next script, a sci-fi story I like....I do get impatient, not just in comics, been a life problem.....thanks man....Scott

08-08-2016, 05:07 AM
DH, funny what a small world it is, people from all over the world look at DW, and your right in Allentown. Moved away from area but still go there a lot, my vet is still there, taking cat there this week, Egmo. He's been sick. Yeah, just mentioning, from earlier, I know my impatience isn't a good thing either.....Scott

08-20-2016, 06:05 AM
Hey, Scott.

I tried to reply back earlier this week but I hit the timeout on the website and lost everything I wrote. Fail.

I know how exciting it can be to get your stuff out into the world. I'm not faulting you for that. Even reading an article while you're waiting in line, ten minutes before bed, whatever you can here and there, will help. Nothing is overly long. Some take 2 minutes to read. Nothing more than 15. Break it up over a long period. It took me 4 months to read through everything when I first found the site. It's worth it in the long run.

It is pretty crazy that you meet someone form close by. Allentown isn't a bad place outside of traffic, and we do have like 5 comic-cons a year. So that's a cool deal!

Hope Egmo is doing better. Nothing worse than having you're little furry friend not feeling well. Take care of the guy.

08-23-2016, 02:07 AM
DH, good to hear from you again, yeah, was just taking in what you and Sam were saying, try to learn more, than complete B.O.T.R.P, try to stop being so impatient(Yeah,could Crack up and put a thousand characters in part 5 later tonight????). Your right, it is exciting to get your material out there, often I feel like a tree falling in the woods, is that the right metaphor? Even on a smaller scale(I mean DW seems pretty big, but not Marvel or Dark Horse, being published, that kind of audience, is what I mean), it's fun bringing something to life that you created with your imagination. Thankful we have DW. Have characters I created 30 years ago, just stuff siting in a folder with dust, or in files In my compute. I miss when Marvel, D.C, and Archie excepted submissions. I sent so many, maybe it was me that ruined it for everyone! Maybe I was the reason they put the kibosh on submissions(hee hee). Yeah, would like to put out a more polished ending to this comic story in a few weeks, I also have a Sci fi and horror story I think could be cool. Thanks again for all your input, and trying to help out a fellow artist. Good news on Egmo, he's o.k. little fat guy got diabetes though. Got to give him insulin, and put him on a low carb diet. I'm diabetic too, so we'll go threw it together! Yeah Allentowns a good place, my vet(as I was saying), and doctor are still there. My wife takes the nieces and nephews to Dorny Park, they love that place. You got Boris Vallejo over there too! , if I could only draw like that, I wouldn't be driving everyone crazy here on DW! Talk to you again down the road my friend....Scott

08-26-2016, 09:18 PM
FYI....Contact info.....610 570 8228.....email is down....Scott

09-09-2016, 03:35 PM
Beggar Man, Doctor Darkness, Green Ghost were left out of the reserve. Beggar Man was a rich man, playboy. His wealthy and famous father was missing for years. One night out on the town Nathan Knight was stepping out of his limo, a beggar begging him for help, a disheveled old man in clothes with Patches, long white hair, and beard. He scoffed, and pushed the man aside. The next day he was notified by police his father had been found, and to come in and identify his body, sadly, he had been murdered. Nathan was shocked to find out it was the old beggar man he pushed aside. Like Howard Hughes his father had suffered from severe ocd. Nathan swore to avenge his death. Training with weights, taking martial arts, and hiring scientists to create weapons, but weapons concealed. ....like a regular cane loaded with weapons. He turned his playboy like mansion into his headquarters. Donning a 40's style uni with grey suit, trench coat, and 40's hat, also a mask covering eyes and top of nose, and scarf, hat, mask, scarf, and coat with darker grey patches, and stiching, dark grey gloves, black dress shoes. Doctor Darkness (name from public domain) was a scientist who discovered a dark dimension, he would only enter it in his Astral projected form, while in the dimension a gas leak caused his home, and lab to explode. He returned to Earth a dark matter energy being. Green Ghost(name from public domain) is a mutation who can become invisible, and intangible, leaving an ecto plasm residue when she passes through people and objects. She dies her punked hair green, Caucasian teen, green spandex uni (story of new Green Ghost not copyrighted to be honest). King Mongoose, was an Amalga-Man. He is part man, part mongoose, and part cobra. He has a mask like Black Panther, but grey, and surrounded by a cobra head piece, uni black and green spandex.... Scott

09-21-2016, 11:33 AM
villains will begin to attack the Earth with no heroes, let's take a look at a few...Human tar pit(Prehumanoids villain (c)in 1986), Polar -thing(half man, half polar bear mutation)might not be copyrighted, Abhorrence(Metallicon sends human hunter changed by Android scientists back in time to kill Surplus, 8ft tall red scaly skinned creature with pointy ears, and skull nose, and fangs, he burns anything he touches(with claws), smoke is always seen coming from body, his body temperature is like a furnace. Ominious....resistance scientist from the future bitten by zombie, in his lab are materials captured from an android compound (Mettalicon). Supernatural artifacts, books, and potions they were mixing with futuristic science. Vampire blood was found, he injected himself with the blood, keeping him from turning into a mindless cannibal. But he began turning on resistance scientists, soldiers/survivors in their stronghold turning them into zombie/vampires....they are not completely mindless, but their appetite for blood is uncontrollable. After the resistance destroys the compound, Ominous does escape and manages to follow the After-Legion, and Surplus into the past....Mettalicon besides sending a zombie infection back in time also attacks the past with a futuristic android army....Scott

09-29-2016, 12:48 AM
Contact .....610 570 8228

10-13-2016, 02:11 PM
DW staff, just told some people in the industry to look here, ones that don't except submissions, please keep it up for another week, than I will concede. Thanks for the opportunity to show my work here...Scott

10-13-2016, 03:08 PM