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Gene Patrick
05-18-2016, 12:11 AM
SKULLDUGGERY By Gene Patrick


PAGE ONE

PANEL 1

Aerial view of a small firelit campsite. Three men-at-arms surround someone tied to a wooden pole.

CAPTION: Cynwyd forest, season of the Witch

PANEL 2

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind crouching in the bushes on the edge of the firelit camp. Their bodies are shrouded in cloaks, Wisk’s faded black and Cid’s rough spin brown. Cid holds his ancient long sword like a staff besides him posted in the ground, a patinaed matching shield on his back. Behind Wisk lays a wooden bow and quiver of arrows alongside a large brown leather sack.

WISK: Just look at the size of em’.

CID: Big, strong bones.

PANEL 3

A truly enormous and muscular barbarian is tied to a wooden post, he wears only a loincloth and a fur trimmed, horned helmet. Three men at arms clad in purple and black leathers prod him with the wood ends of their halberds. A large symbol is on the front and back of their leathers. It is the grey silhouette of a banshee in flight, arms stretched out forward with hair and shroud flailing in the wind.

SOLDIER 1: You shouldn’t have the Lady, ox!

HOBB’L: Raaahhh!

SOLDIER 2: I can’t even imagine the things she is going to do to you.

PANEL 4

Close up of the the barbarian’s face as he screams.

HOBB’L: Hobb’l will crush you!!! Hobb’l will bathe in the blood of your families!!!

PANEL 5

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind hiding behind the bushes still, Cid has his head towards Wisk but his face is still completely concealed.

CID: I say we take him, it would be a shame to let someone like that go to waste.

WISK: Fine. Circle around the other side and I’ll lead them to you.

PAGE TWO

PANEL 1

A very strange arrow flies through the air above the campsite, instead of a metal point it has some sort of small brown pouch for a head.

SFX: THWIP!

PANEL 2

Close up as the arrow lands in the woods outside the camp’s clearing with a very loud crackling.

SFX: CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

OFF-PANEL: What the hell is that?!

PANEL 3

Soldier 1 and Soldier 3 can be seen from behind walking toward the crackling sound, Soldier 1 is looking back at Soldier 2 and yelling.

SOLDIER 1: Watch him!

PANEL 4

Side angle, Soldier 2 stands in the ready position with his spear tip pointed at Hobb’l.

SOLDIER 2: Some more of your wild animal friends, ox?

HOBB’L: Grrrr.

PANEL 5

Close up of Soldier 2’s face, he has a vicious look on it.

SOLDIER 2: Filthy, dirty savages, you’re all ju-

PANEL 6

Same close up but a long, fancy dagger blade is sticking out of Soldier 2’s forehead, blood gushing.

SFX: SPIK!

SOLDIER 2: Gack!

PAGE THREE

PANEL 1

Side angle, Wisk stands in front of Hobb’l with his body and face still shrouded. His bloody long dagger hangs from his hand at the side. Soldier 2’s lifeless corpse lays in the dirt between them creating a blood pool.

HOBB’L: You are very brave, friend. Now cut Hobb’l down before they come back!

OFF-PANEL: They’re dead.

PANEL 2

Cid and wisk can be seen standing next to each other now from behind, Hobb’l tied up in front of them. Cid’s bloody sword drips onto the ground.

HOBB’L: The gods must smile on Hobb’l to send such mighty warriors to my rescue!

WISK: This part is always so awkward.

CID: Let’s just get it over with.

PANEL 3

Close up of Hobb’l’s confused, sweaty face.

HOBB’L: Quickly! Free me!

OFF-PANEL: Sorry…

PANEL 4

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind again, they are beginning to pull their hoods off.

WISK: But we’re only going to free parts of you…

PANEL 5

Close up of Hobb’l’s face again, a look of pure shock and horror is on his face as if he had just seen a ghost.

PAGE FOUR

PANEL 1

Close up of Wisk and Cid, they have have removed their cloaks revealing that they are skeletons.
Cid’s bones look considerably older than Wisk’s with some mossy patches here and there and a crack in the skull.

OFF-PANEL: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

PANEL 2

Cid and Wisk can be seen from behind, Cid kneels down to Hobb’l’s feet while Wisk stands grabbing Hobb’l’s arm and holding a small saw blade to his shoulder. Hobb’l screams out in terror.

CID: I’ll get the feet, you get the arm.

HOBB’L: Gods save Hobb’l from these demons!

WISK: Hey, watch it! We’re skeletons not demons, don’t be a dick. I guess all us undead look the
same to the living? And would you stop referring to yourself in the third person? What is
with that?

PANEL 3

Close up of Wisk sawing into Hobb’l’s shoulder, blood spraying everywhere. Hobb’l screamed in agony, his face aghast and splattered with blood on one side.

SFX: Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

HOBB’L: Gggghaaaaaaaaaaahh!

PANEL 4

Overhead view of the gruesome scene

HOBB’L: Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaahhh!

CID: What the hell are you doing?! You have to kill him first, you want someone to hear him?

WISK: Sorry… he was so annoying I forgot.

PANEL 5

Side view of the two standing by a large boiling cauldron over the camp’s flame, they hold up the chopped off body parts and admire them.

CID: A quick boil then defleshing and we’ll be all set.

PAGE FIVE

PANEL 1

Close up of Cid connecting Hobb’l’s feet bones to his legs with a pop, they are quite large.

SFX: Pop!

OFF-PANEL: Look at the size of those things!

PANEL 2

Wisk can be seen from the front pulling his right arm off with snap, Cid sits next to him on a log and watches.

SFX: Snap!

WISK: Ahh!

PANEL 3

Same angle, wisk attaches Hobb’l’s arm bone to his shoulder with a pop. Cid has a small smile on his face.

SFK: Pop!

WISK: That never gets any easier.

CID: You’re a hundred year old undead skeleton, show some spine.

PANEL 4

Same view as before but now Wisk has his head turned to Cid with a look of contempt for his bad joke, Cid looks ahead wearing a larger smile.

PANEL 5

View from behind as the two walk down a forest path away from the camp. Wisk wears his black cloak again with the hood down and Hobb’l’s horned helmet on his head, his bow and quiver hang from one shoulder and the large brown leather sack is slung across the other. Cid wears nothing except the shield on his back and holds his sword by his side, his feet are noticeably large now.

CID: You took the guy’s hat?

WISK: Yeah, I think it looks good on me.

CID: You’re an idiot.

END

Kiyoko, Rin
05-25-2016, 06:44 PM
PAGE ONE

PANEL 1

Aerial view of a small firelit campsite. So it’s at night? Three men-at-arms surround someone tied to a wooden pole.

CAPTION: Cynwyd forest, season of the Witch

PANEL 2

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind crouching in the bushes on the edge of the firelit camp. The bushes weren’t placed in panel 1. Their bodies are shrouded in cloaks, Wisk’s faded black and Cid’s rough spin brown. If we can see the colours is it at night? Cid holds his ancient long sword like a staff besides him posted in the ground, I’m having trouble with this sentence. a patinaed matching shield on his back. Behind Wisk lays a wooden bow and quiver of arrows alongside a large brown leather sack. Moving panel. No, wait, you meant, “lies” instead of “lays”, right?

WISK: Just look at the size of em’. Apostrophe in the wrong place.

CID: Big, strong bones. Strange thing to notice. (Nevermind. Just read page 4.)

PANEL 3

Hobb’l, a truly enormous and muscular barbarian, is tied to a wooden post, he wears only a loincloth and a fur trimmed, horned helmet. Three men at arms clad in purple and black leathers prod him with the wood ends of their halberds. A large symbol is on the front and back of their leathers. It is the grey silhouette of a banshee in flight, arms stretched out forward with hair and shroud flailing in the wind. The physical descriptions should have been in the 1st panel.

SOLDIER 1: You shouldn’t have the Lady, ox!

HOBB’L: Raaahhh!

SOLDIER 2: I can’t even imagine the things she is going to do to you.

PANEL 4

Close up of the the barbarian’s Hobb’l’s face as he screams.

HOBB’L: Hobb’l will crush you!!! Hobb’l will bathe in the blood of your families!!!

PANEL 5

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind hiding behind the bushes still, Cid has his head towards Wisk but his face is still completely concealed.

CID: I say we take him, it would be a shame to let someone like that go to waste.

WISK: Fine. Circle around the other side and I’ll lead them to you. I think you meant “send them to you.” (Although “lead them” would be an inaccuracy that someone would actually say.)

PAGE TWO

PANEL 1

A very strange arrow flies through the air above the campsite, instead of a metal point it has some sort of small brown pouch for a head. The way you’ve described it, the arrow’s going left to right; from your previous panels, we saw Wisk and Cid from behind, with the campsite in the background. So, spatially, I would’ve pictured the site on the left, Wisk and Cid on the right, so this arrow strikes me as being shot from the wrong side of the panel.

SFX: THWIP!

PANEL 2

Close up as the arrow lands in the woods outside the camp’s clearing with a very loud crackling. You’ve removed all agency from the shoot. We don’t see Wisk shoot the arrow, we just see it in flight and then land. Your pacing’s off and you may have lost the reader. What I’d recommend is that Wisk shoots the arrow in panel 1 so we can see the motion line linking arrow to bow, and have it land in panel 2.

SFX: CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

OFF-PANEL: What the hell is that?! A little stiff, imo.

PANEL 3

Soldier 1 and Soldier 3 can be seen from behind walking toward the crackling sound, Soldier 1 is looking back at Soldier 2 and yelling.

SOLDIER 1: Watch him!

PANEL 4

Side angle, Soldier 2 stands in the ready position with his spear tip pointed at Hobb’l.

SOLDIER 2: Some more of your wild animal friends, ox?

HOBB’L: Grrrr. For this line of dialogue, you NEED to give Hobb’l an expression.

PANEL 5

Close up of Soldier 2’s face, he has a vicious look on it.

SOLDIER 2: Filthy, dirty savages, you’re all ju- Double dash.

PANEL 6

Same close up But with a different expression, one would hope. but a long, fancy dagger blade is sticking out of Soldier 2’s forehead, blood gushing.

SFX: SPIK!

SOLDIER 2: Gack!

PAGE THREE

PANEL 1

Side angle, Wisk stands in front of Hobb’l with his body and face still shrouded. His bloody long dagger hangs from his hand at the side. Soldier 2’s lifeless corpse lays in the dirt between them creating a blood pool.

HOBB’L: You are very brave, friend. Now cut Hobb’l down before they come back!

OFF-PANEL: They’re dead.

PANEL 2

Cid and wisk can be seen standing next to each other now from behind, Hobb’l tied up in front of them. Cid’s bloody sword drips onto the ground.

HOBB’L: The gods must smile on Hobb’l to send such mighty warriors to my rescue!

WISK: This part is always so awkward.

CID: Let’s just get it over with.

PANEL 3

Close up of Hobb’l’s confused, sweaty face.

HOBB’L: Quickly! Free me!

OFF-PANEL: Sorry…

PANEL 4

Wisk and Cid can be seen from behind again, they are beginning to pull their hoods off.

WISK: But we’re only going to free parts of you…

PANEL 5

Close up of Hobb’l’s face again, a look of pure shock and horror is on his face as if he had just seen a ghost.

Nice use of a page turn.

PAGE FOUR

PANEL 1

Close up of Wisk and Cid, they have have removed their cloaks revealing that they are skeletons.
Cid’s bones look considerably older than Wisk’s with some mossy patches here and there and a crack in the skull.

OFF-PANEL: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! “Argh” not “Ah”. “Ah” sounds like Hobb’l’s just had a refreshing drink.

PANEL 2

Cid and Wisk can be seen from behind, Cid kneels down to Hobb’l’s feet while Wisk stands grabbing Hobb’l’s arm and holding a small saw blade to his shoulder. Hobb’l screams out in terror.

CID: I’ll get the feet, you get the arm.

HOBB’L: Gods save Hobb’l from these demons!

WISK: Hey, watch it! We’re skeletons not demons, don’t be a dick. I guess all us undead look the
same to the living? And would you stop referring to yourself in the third person? lol What is
with that?

PANEL 3

Close up of Wisk sawing into Hobb’l’s shoulder, blood spraying everywhere. Hobb’l screamed in agony, his face aghast and splattered with blood on one side. It’s not a close up of the sawing if we can see Hobb’l’s face too.

SFX: Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

HOBB’L: Gggghaaaaaaaaaaahh!

PANEL 4

Overhead view of the gruesome scene And what’s happening is…?

HOBB’L: Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaahhh! (...)

CID: What the hell are you doing?! You have to kill him first, you want someone to hear him?

WISK: Sorry… he was so annoying I forgot.

PANEL 5

Side view of the two standing by a large boiling cauldron over the camp’s flame, they hold up the chopped off body parts and admire them.

CID: A quick boil then defleshing and we’ll be all set.

PAGE FIVE

PANEL 1

Close up of Cid connecting Hobb’l’s feet bones to his legs with a pop, they are quite large I’d recommend adding something along the lines of, “in comparison to Cid’s own bones”.

SFX: Pop!

OFF-PANEL: Look at the size of those things!

PANEL 2

Wisk can be seen from the front pulling his right arm off with snap, Cid sits next to him on a log and watches.

SFX: Snap!

WISK: Ahh!

PANEL 3

Same angle, wisk attaches Hobb’l’s arm bone to his shoulder with a pop. Cid has a small smile on his face.

SFK: Pop!

WISK: That never gets any easier.

CID: You’re a hundred year old undead skeleton, show some spine. Ha

PANEL 4

Same view as before but now Wisk has his head turned to Cid with a look of contempt for his bad joke, Cid looks ahead wearing a larger smile. Should’ve brought this up earlier, but how do skeletons vary their expression without flesh? Are you going down the impressionistic route, the way Batman’s white eyes (somehow) change expression?

PANEL 5

View from behind as the two walk down a forest path away from the camp. Wisk wears his black cloak again with the hood down and Hobb’l’s horned helmet on his head, his bow and quiver hang from one shoulder and the large brown leather sack is slung across the other. Cid wears nothing except the shield on his back and holds his sword by his side, his feet are noticeably large now.

CID: You took the guy’s hat?

WISK: Yeah, I think it looks good on me.

CID: You’re an idiot.

END

lol

Gene Patrick
05-25-2016, 07:34 PM
Thanks so much for reading it and giving me your thoughts.

I didn't realize the trick arrow scene would come off so confusing, I will have to do it differently.

I have a really hard time figuring out how to spell out character screams and different sounds like that, I can see now that it sounds like Hobb'l was drinking a coke.

As far as the Skeleton expressions go, yes i was going to go the batman eyes route and i think it will work with this because its going to be more cartoony with flatter colors. I'm going to go for something like a slightly more realistic Calvin and Hobbes.

Thanks again for reading it and giving me some tips. Did you feel that the comedy element was strong enough?

Kiyoko, Rin
05-26-2016, 08:37 AM
Thanks so much for reading it and giving me your thoughts.

My pleasure.

Did you feel that the comedy element was strong enough?

More so in the second half / from page 3 onwards. Pages 1 and 2 felt more like a straight drama, what with the seriousness of the situation, but with the right artist giving out-there expressions then I may have got the comedy vibe. That scene of sawing through the bone could be hilarious if drawn with enough comic zeal. But even after page 3 the comedy seemed more amusing than an out-and-out comedy.