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MonteThompson
05-13-2016, 12:23 AM
Hey, I'm trying to improve my sequential work by starting a dinosaur webcomic set in a lush jungle, using digital tools. Here is page 1, I could really use some help improving this thing. I tried to pack in a lot of detail but feel that some of the results are sloppy, especially the panels with the dino tracks, spent a lot of time on those but still very unsatisfied.

http://i650.photobucket.com/albums/uu228/montethompson/junglepg1_zpssn66fx1o.jpg

Afro
05-13-2016, 11:37 AM
well the main thing is that you can do is tell a story. I understand what's going on. I haven't gotten to where I use a tablet yet but here's what I see. And it's just an opinion.

1st panel: Nice detail, nice use of shadow in the foreground, but you need some of the same type of silhouettes in the back. To make the jungle look bigger and to frame your main character more.

As far as your main character, he's not really doing anything to get to the clue. He kinda looks lost. I'd say add some vines or something that way you are showing him in action and it helps to make it move more.

2nd panel: I just looks like he doesn't want to be there at all. I don't blame him... jungles are hot. I think this may have be good to show him standing or over looking some new area. But something that defines why he's there. But I don't know the script and it may call for that.

3rd panel: Honestly this angle is pretty solid to me. I can see what you mean by what to add. It may have been helpful to look at reference of footprints on different surfaces. In other words, it's hard to tell what the dino print is in. Is it dirt, sand,etc? The way it's open spaced like that and the way you have the wavy lines around it looks like water. Also your guy should be in this shot to give us an idea where he is in relation to this area.

4th panel: I like this on as it does make me want to see what happens a little bit. Again the surface would be helpful, and I looks like he's not too worried about it.


You could pretty much rearrange those panels and get it a little more fluid. Use the close up first, then the jungle cutting scene then a shot of him looking excited or worried, then him in that faraway shot and then your last panel. You can even show debris on the ground to show this print is fresh.

Well you should keep going to see where the story ends up. Hope some of that helped.

MonteThompson
05-16-2016, 03:19 AM
Thanks for all the feedback, Afro! I took on most of your advice but couldn't find a way to rearrange the panels that worked for me. I tried to change his expression and body language to show more concern and added a kind of cracked earth texture around the tracks.

http://i650.photobucket.com/albums/uu228/montethompson/junglewip2_zpsvuzleuyi.jpg

sevans
05-16-2016, 07:43 PM
Panel 1, 2 and 4 all head towards the right. He is looking that way in all these panels.....and then BANG, flow stops, Panel 3 looks left.

Basically, I don't like the direction changing at panel 3, ruins the reading flow.

Afro
05-20-2016, 11:10 AM
That's cool monte, I think having that expression definitely puts the story in the right direction. One thing I usually do is I'll draw something and then step back from it to see what makes it stand out or get another effect. So I think that's a good start.

Toondoctor
05-22-2016, 10:13 AM
Do you have a wider establishing shot that comes before the first frame in a previous page?

MonteThompson
05-24-2016, 01:06 AM
Thanks guys!
@Toondoctor: This is actually the only page drawn so far, though there will be pages that precede this. Was trying to feel out the style for this story.
@Sevan: Thanks for pointing that out, I went ahead and flopped that panel to help with the flow of the page.