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jpgaltmiller
05-02-2016, 01:29 PM
Hey folks,

A while back I asked advice about telepathy format. Posting the page here to see what you think - does this work?

http://www.lesbianzombies.com/lz-p0521_lores.jpg

maverick
05-02-2016, 02:13 PM
looks good to me

Stewart Vernon
05-02-2016, 05:12 PM
Works for me too... but a question... In that first panel, who is saying "run"?

Maybe in the context of the story, if people are shown previously off panel where that explosion happens it makes more sense... but in just this teaser page it confused me.

jpgaltmiller
05-02-2016, 11:54 PM
In the previous page we see Gwen along with a few other characters being attacked by Lesbian Zombies. One character, Ace, tells her that she should make a run for it, since the zombies won't attack her (since she does not have what they want). In that last panel Ace says, "Run, Gwen!"

So this "Run!" should be a logical follow up to that. Actually, though, I'll throw the other page up when I get home. Now you've got me curious.

jpgaltmiller
05-03-2016, 12:20 AM
Let me know what you think (that's not a smaller page on the right; just the white gutters/margins):

http://www.lesbianzombies.com/telepathytest.jpg

Stewart Vernon
05-03-2016, 03:23 AM
Thanks... the context helps a lot.

I think what was tripping me up there was... in the panel later where she is clearly the one yelling... comparing both of those balloons, the little sliver of an arrow pointing towards her is only slightly longer than ones pointing away from her.

There are so many spikes pointing in all directions, for the emphasis, and that works... but that one pointing to the girl for hers and to the forest in the first panel perhaps ought to be a little more obviously longer than the other spikes to clear up the direction of origin.

jpgaltmiller
05-03-2016, 04:34 AM
Good call! Thanks for the feedback, guys.