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View Full Version : robin, tim drake - 2 pages


dustinspagnola
04-25-2016, 04:54 PM
heres two pages im working on for a tim drake/robin story.

looking for suggestions and pointers.

many thanks

http://i.imgur.com/NPIEoOxh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/Lj5N8xth.jpg

Toondoctor
04-25-2016, 05:26 PM
In terms of storytelling, do you need to show Drake's picture in such a large position on page one? it cover and overpowers everything else to the extent that we forget that there are other panels on the sides. Not a best use of the limited space at your disposal.

You repeat the pointing finger three times in two pages. Watch out for that.

Check the proportions of your characters' limbs.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but you're getting there.

Cheers

Rob Norton
04-26-2016, 10:35 PM
In terms of storytelling, do you need to show Drake's picture in such a large position on page one? it cover and overpowers everything else to the extent that we forget that there are other panels on the sides. Not a best use of the limited space at your disposal.

You repeat the pointing finger three times in two pages. Watch out for that.

Check the proportions of your characters' limbs.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but you're getting there.

Cheers

I agree with everything toondoctor stated.

some things to look out for, but keep going.

MattTriano
04-27-2016, 06:45 AM
These pages are hard to see but avoid angled panel borders and cropping hands, heads or feet.

This script isn't doing you any favors. Move on to something that shows off your skills in a clearer and more economic way. Write your own 3-5 pg sample. Include interior/exterior setting change, characters experiencing a wide emotional range and at some point changing clothes, combat and other cause/effect heavy activities, FX and debris, foliage and animals. Do one per month. Write something challenging but fun.

Thanks for showing these. Post more!

Keep going!

Best,
M