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Gene Patrick
01-19-2016, 07:27 PM
INTERGALACTIC LEAGUE WRESTLING #1
By Gene Patrick

A group of washed up pro wrestlers are mistaken for gladiators by aliens and abducted, they must keep up the lie that wrestling is real while trying to find a way home.

PAGE ONE (6)

PANEL 1

An aging, sweaty and slightly overweight wrestler can be seen from behind, he hunches over a bathroom sink. He sports old school yellow wrestling briefs with matching knee and elbow pads,a small glass flask of whiskey sticks out the back of his briefs. His long wet blonde hair is scraggly and balding, turning gray. He appears to be in some sort of rundown high school bathroom

His name is Hammer Hobbs

PANEL 2

Hobbs looks at his reflection in the mirror, he is sweating profusely. He’s very obviously strung out and has a look of hopelessness on his face.

CAPTION (Hobbs): What the FUCK are you doing here, pinhead?...

2. CAPTION (Hobbs): I should have taken that deal…

3. CAPTION (Hobbs): Why the FUCK didn’t you take that deal?

PANEL 3

A view of Hobb’s open hand over the sink from his point of view, it’s filled with different colored pills.

4. CAPTION (Hobbs): I have four hundred dollars to my name…

5. CAPTION (Hobbs): And I have to eat a pharmacy full of pills twice a day just to
kill the pain enough to walk.

PANEL 4

Hobbs’ reflection in the mirror again, he gobbles down pills hurriedly.

6. CAPTION (Hobbs): Being broke isn’t the worst part…

7. CAPTION (Hobbs): Or the drugs…

PANEL 5

Hobbs’ reflection still, his head turned towards a person speaking off-panel.

8. OFF-PANEL VOICE: Alright, Hobbs, Bessy is ready for ya.

9. SFX: MMMOOOOOOOOO!

PANEL 6

Hobb’s reflection again as he gazes into the mirror. He looks sad, almost afraid, his pupils are big as dinner plates due to the cocktail of drugs he just downed.

10. CAPTION (Hobbs): The worst part is having to wrestle a god damned cow.


PAGE TWO (6)

PANEL 1

Hobbs can be seen walking across a grass field between an old brick school building and a peeling red barn, a grain silo can be seen in the background along with some 4-H Fair booths but mostly it was just big open farmland. He chugged the small flask of whiskey as he made his way.

CAPTION (Hobbs): Wrestling cows at a fucking 4-H fair in
Bumblefuck, Kansas.

2. CAPTION (Hobbs) I used to sell out the Garden. Me, I sold it out,
they all came to see ME.
PANEL 2

Same angle except now Hobbs has reached the barn and throws his empty bottle against the wall, shattering it.

3. CAPTION (Hobbs): Fuck these people.

PANEL 3

Hobbs stands in a makeshift backstage area with two other wrestlers, on the left is Mad Mac O’malley. Mad Mac has messy red hair and a costume very similar to Hobbs’ except in yellow and green plaid instead of bright yellow, Mac has multiple nasty scars and is in a bit better shape than Hobbs, He holds a can of cheap beer.

Hobbs leans forward snorting white powder off the side of his hand with a straw while mac looks at him disapprovingly, bales of hay are everywhere and straw litters the floor. To the right stands Mountain man, he was a big fat mountain of a man at about 7ft,400lbs. He has wild black hair and a bushy black beard, wearing only dirty overalls.

4. MAD MAC: Maybe it’s time to switch to diet coke there, ya’ fat fuck.

5. OFF-PANEL VOICE: And now for a man who needs no introduction, y’all!

PANEL 4

Hobbs turns and yells at Mac, a nasty look on his face. Mac is amused by his anger.

6. HOBBS: Shut the fuck up, Mac! Shouldn’t you be off somewhere getting pegged
by Wildman’s nephew?

7. MAD MAC: Aww, poor hobby horse is jealous of the Assassin. We should be
thankful Wild even got him here, kid is the biggest star in wrestling.

8. OFF-PANEL VOICE: The legend himself! Eight time world champion!

PANEL 5

Hobbs leans in with a grin, he stares narrowly at Mac. Mac looks back at him with a sneer.

9. HOBBS: Oh I get it! You’re fucking BOTH of them. I guess that’s why they call
him the ASSassin?

10. MAD MAC: Ya’ daft ****

11. HOBBS: Fuck off, Brother! I have a cow to fight.

12. OFF-PANEL VOICE: The amazing! The exciting!

PANEL 6

Mountain man looks down at the two, he is drooling a bit. Hobbs and Mac stare back at him very annoyed.

13. OFF-PANEL VOICE: The unstoppable!

14. MOUNTAIN MAN: If we beat the cow, can we eat it?


PAGE THREE (2)

PANEL 1

Large almost full page panel of Hobbs wrestling Bessy, the blue ribbon cow, inside the wooden barn turned arena.

They are in a dirty boxing ring, bales of hay line it and straw is strewn across the dingy grey mat. A decent sized crowd of rural folks gathers around, they are very excited. Some of them hold up funny signs and banners. To the side of the ring a middle-aged announcer in a tacky colorful suit yells into a mic, a set ring girls at his side.

Hobbs is flying through the air about to land a huge elbow drop on the cow, he has a crazed drugged up look in his eyes. The cow lays on its side, looking up at hobbs with great fear while the ref gazes at the sight in shock.

1. ANNOUNCER: THE HORRIBLE HAMMER HOBBS!!!

2. BESSY: “MMMOOOOOOOOO!?!?!?”

PANEL 2

Small panel in the lower right corner, aerial view of the ring from far away. The figures are small but you can make out Hobbs pinning the cow and the ref doing a 1,2,3 count.

3. REF: “1! … 2! … 3!”


(END)