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Steven Forbes
01-13-2016, 11:15 PM
What? A second writing challenge?

That's right, folks. Here's the deal:

-Opening pages only. We have trouble with this, and I want to see what you've got.
-No single-page stories. These must be the opening pages to a longer story of any length (short, limited, or ongoing). Again, no single page stories.
-Five different opening pages.
-No silent pages. There must be at least 70 words for each.
-The word "scream" must be in the dialogue/copy.
-There must be a stone/rock as an object. (Use your imagination.)

Post all questions/scripts here.

Again, this ends on 1/23/16.

Let's have some fun!

Beardywriterface
01-14-2016, 02:24 AM
Each opener must have the word scream in the dialogue, or it has to be in at least one of the five? Same question with the rock/stone.

Steven Forbes
01-14-2016, 03:20 AM
Each opener has to have the word, and the object.

gmartyt
01-14-2016, 04:12 AM
Do they need to lead into a longer story, or can they be single-page stories?

Do they need to be the opening page for a series, or can they be the opening page for a single issue of a series?

Steven Forbes
01-14-2016, 04:41 AM
Opening page for a book. No single page stories. I don't care what issue number it's an opener for. Single issue, limited, or ongoing. I don't care. It just can't be a single-page story. (I'll amend the first post to reflect this.)

jpgaltmiller
01-14-2016, 05:34 AM
Writing five pages is kind of tough. But I do have one that I'd love to share:

RICKY AND ROCCO

PAGE ONE (EIGHT PANELS)

PANEL ONE
A small living room at night. RICKY, a chubby six-year-old, lounges on a puke-green sofa that’s seen better days. A few rips in the material, with white stuffing poking out. An open bag of potato chips is near his lap. Assorted trash on the coffee table in front of him. The kid is in Superman pajamas, and he’s staring open-mouthed at:

(FG) A TV. The back of the large square set blocks some of our view of the room.

1. TELEVISION (ELC):
STAY TUNED FOR RIDLEY SCOTT’S CLASSIC SCI-FI MASTERPIECE: ALIEN. IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU--


PANEL TWO
Low angle on MRS. KRIMPET, Ricky’s mom, as she turns off the TV with the click of a remote. In her 30s, she has granny glasses and curlers in her hair. She wears a ratty pink bathrobe.

2. SFX:
CLICK

3. RICKY (OP):
OH, MOM!


PANEL THREE
We’re over Mrs. Krimpet’s hip as she stands in front of the couch, looking down at her son. Ricky looking up at her, angry.

4. RICKY:
COME ON, MOM. I WAS WATCHING THAT.

5. MRS. KRIMPET:
IT’S TIME FOR BED, RICKY DEAR. GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

6. RICKY:
BUT WHAT WAS HE GONNA SAY, MOM? IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU WHAT? IT SOUNDED REALLY IMPORTANT.


PANEL FOUR
Mrs. Krimpet is bent over the coffee table, picking up some of the trash there.

7. MRS. KRIMPET:
RICKY, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN BED AN HOUR AGO. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE MAN WAS GOING TO--

8. MRS. KRIMPET:
JESUS IN A MILKSHAKE!


PANEL FIVE
On Mrs Krimpet as she holds up a round, gray rock with one hand, the other hand on her hip. Clearly frustrated. One side of the rock has some markings on it, like someone drew a face on it with a black marker.

9. MRS. KRIMPET:
I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE YOUR PET ROCK IN THE FAMILY ROOM.

10. RICKY (OP):
BUT I DIDN’T, MOM. IT’S ROCCO, YOU KNOW. HE JUST GETS OUT BY HIMSELF.


PANEL SIX
Mrs. Krimpet is pushing her son out of the room, Ricky leaving reluctantly, and holding his rock. Lovingly. His head down in what appears to be shame.

11. MRS. KRIMPET:
I SWEAR TO THE SAVIOR, SON, ONE OF THESE DAYS I’M GOING TO GET YOU AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SCHOOL THERAPIST. ROCKS DON’T JUST WALK AROUND BY THEMSELVES.


PANEL SEVEN
Ricky sitting in his bed with the lights out. He holds his pet rock Rocco in front of him, resting on top of the blanket. He’s talking to the rock.

12. RICKY:
I’M AWFULLY SORRY, ROCCO. SOMETIMES MY MOM GETS ME SO ANGRY AND I FEEL I COULD JUST SCREAM. SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT. SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND, ROCCO. AND I DON'T THINK SHE EVER WILL.


PANEL EIGHT
Close high angle on the rock, its smiley face in marker looking a little creepy in the shadows.

13. ROCCO:
WELL, IT’S LIKE I KEEP TELLING YOU, RICKY. YOU’VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY WE’RE EVER GONNA GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET AROUND HERE.

14. ROCCO:
WE NEED TO KILL YOUR MOM.

Beardywriterface
01-14-2016, 07:53 AM
Whoo! That was a fun one. Tough, too. Thanks Steven!


~~~
Dissolve

Page One (five panels)

Panel 1, largest panel, a worm's eye view of Ellie standing horrified on her kitchen counter top, trying to balance with the cupboards at her back. From our view (think as if we were in the eyes of a legless zombie crawling across the floor towards its victim) we see the goopy, formless, flesh-runny hands of Unity reaching out, one across the floor, one up towards Ellie while it drips a little. The drip shouldn't be breaking from the hand-shape.

UNITY (gurgling, or liquid):
Ellie, please come back...

UNITY (gurgling):
I need form...

Panel 2, rotate so we're seeing this from the side of the room on Ellie's left. The table in the center of the room is covered in boxes of gelatin, all scattered and torn open along with their little plastic inside bags, a little powder dusted around. Most of Unity is mid-flow from the table to the floor in a single mass (or table to chair to floor if that sounds like more fun). It's face is featureless (no eyes/nose/ears) except for the mouth hole. You can have the thing be a little closer to the counter. Ellie is looking to her right where the door leads to the backyard.

ELLIE (thought):
Don't scream Ellie. You don't want to explain this to Mom.

UNITY (gurgling):
No... Firm... No... Solid...

Panel 3, a view from over and a little behind Unity as it watches Ellie land a little ways away from it, heading in the direction of the door.

UNITY (gurgling):
Your collagen... Has structure...

Panel 4, a shot behind Ellie as she has burst through the back door hard enough to stumble outside, one hand up behind her, the other on a foot-sized rock that makes part of a garden barrier that runs from right outside the door to the back fence, the lawn is on the left of it.

ELLIE (thought):
Never again, you creepy pile of sludge.

Panel 5, Ellie has spun, cocking her arm as if ready to throw. Her face should look crazy. If you want to draw her on the lawn I'm okay with that, but I'd also be okay with her being in a monochrome void, just her shadow below her.

NO COPY

~~~
Husk

Page One (nine panels)

I'd like the color palette to gradually become only reds by the last few panels.

Panel 1, in KANDER'S LAB John is gritting his teeth in pain as he is strapped at wrists, waist, ankles and forehead to an upright slab, three long needles jutting from the top of his head and connected to hoses that disappear up into the top of the frame. More hoses are similarly needled into his elbows, both sides of his abdomen, his thighs, and his ankles, though these hoses can run back behind the table and then up to the ceiling to keep them out of the way. Kander is standing just to the right with his clipboard, his head craning closer to John.

KANDER:
What's it like, John?

Panel 2, from close in front of John's face, we can see him looking at Kander (with his eyes, not his head). There are huge veins standing out on John's forehead and he's gritting his teeth still. Kander looks smug.

KANDER:
What is it like, on this side of it?

Panel 3, split panel diagonally. The left portion should show an x-ray view of his arm (pick an arm) bones shattered, the right portion show crazy swelling boils on the skin around his arm. Have a crazy snaking thing, like a line of huge bugs under his flesh from, the needle extending out both ways along his arm.

NO COPY

Panel 4, POV of Kander's face, but it should look distorted in at one corner, as John's cheekbones are rearranging. He's still smiling smugly. Behind Kander should be a bank of scifi computer equipment (he should be blocking view of the power source stone). Have a few screens with unreadable info, maybe bar graph looking things. We can probably start making things redder from here.

KANDER:
Won't you scream for me, John?

Panel 5, now we see how John's face is changing as he screams. His skull is deformed, bulging in places like the bones broke in plate-like formations to stretch his skin in weird directions (one of these should be at the bottom of his right eye). If we don't make the rest of this panel red, that's fine, because his skin should sure be scary-red right now.

JOHN (yell):
AAAAAAAHHHHH

Panel 6, from John's right side. One of his knees should be about twice the size it was, bulging grossly while the rest of his leg is normal sized but with the bug-lumps all over the part of him we can see. Kander is turning towards the bank of computers. Now we can see the power stone suspended in a glass dome, spears of blue light spearing from it, in the middle of that apparatus. Some of these screens should start showing red readouts along with the red of John's skin.

JOHN:
*gasp* *gasp*

KANDER:
That's better. Truly an amazing process, John. Can you feel your ego draining away?

Panel 7, POV from John of Kander. I envision this as a kind of tunnel vision, but with red around the edges instead of black, and if it's possible, I'd like it to almost have a watery distorted look to it, like John's eyes are refocusing. Kander is caressing the power stone's glass case, facing mostly away from us.

KANDER:
I wonder if you'll be one of the mute Husks. I sure hope not.

Panel 8, POV from John as Kander walks back towards us, still smirking. Tunnel vision is fading, but more of everything is washed with red. If we got the refocusing effect in the last panel, it should be almost done here.

KANDER:
I would dearly love to know you still have the tiniest speck of yourself left to...

Panel 9, POV from John. Kander should be closer, almost in our face, and should look aghast. We should have a clear picture, but everything is now entirely gradients of red.

KANDER:
You are XF-01. Repeat your name.

JOHN (OP, weak):
John...

KANDER:
You are XF-01!


~~~
Robert Brockway's Wedding

Page 1 (five panels)

Panel 1, day time, clear weather, in the OUTDOOR WEDDING PAVILION. Shot of the wedding party's table with everyone seated, the massively multi-tiered cake on a table behind them is the only thing I need for sure. Nothing too fancy otherwise. The best man is the only one standing, with his champagne and a microphone. Everybody else in the panel is looking at him.

BEST MAN:
You know, Katie, until you came along, Rob sure didn't mind being dragged into some wacky hijinks.

Panel 2, a shot closer to Rob who has his head down and his hand on his brow in embarrassment as he looks at the table. His other hand should be making a shooing kind of motion towards where the best man is. Katie's left hand complete with sparkly diamond ring is on his shoulder coming from off panel.

BEST MAN (OP):
Remember that time in college when we hit up Tijuana? What a scream, man.

Panel 3, best man playing the rest of the crowd, tipping his champagne towards someone and grinning.

BEST MAN:
I tell you, folks, this is the only guy in the world who could piss of a Bruja enough to lay the...

BEST MAN:
What did she call it, Rob? Plaga de Lucharan?

Panel 4, a closeup of the cake.

SEÑOR SUPLEX (muffled, from the cake):
¿Alguien dijo... Lucha?

Panel 5, Rob has craned his neck around at the cake, frightened, his fingers digging into the tablecloth.

ROB:
Oh, God! Not again!

Panel 6, Señor Suplex is headbutting his way out of the left side of the cake, Súper Sufragista is uppercutting out the top, and Puñetazo de Burro is body slamming out the right side, his arms out wide. The cake is quite messily exploding everywhere.

SEÑOR SUPLEX:
¡Tope!

SÚPER SUFRAGISTA:
¡El gancho a la cara!

PUÑETAZO DE BURRO:
¡Plancha!


~~~
SBA

Page One (five panels)

Panel 1, small, a shot of the (ref: scoreboard) reading Visitor 92 Home 90 with 14 seconds on the clock in the fourth quarter, one timeout left for the home team. Both teams in the bonus.

CAPTION:
1973 Super Basketball Championship

Panel 2, ref talking to the scorer’s table, the basketball on his hip. The crowd in the background is on their feet and going wild.

REF:
Pips use their final time out.

CAPTION:
Game 7, Las Vegas Pips and New Orleans Voodoo series tied at 3-3.

Panel 3, ‘Gatorman’ John Sherman (#0) is looking over his shoulder at the Pips' huddle with a menacing look as he joins his own huddle.

GATORMAN:
If Thorpe throws one more elbow…

Panel 4, Voodoo coach, Bill Kerkstra is eyeing Gatorman askance as he holds a miniature blackboard. Gatorman is squatted next to him.

BILL:
John, you don't have any fouls to give. Thorpe is an ass, but beating him here will be the best payback.

CAPTION:
The Voodoo, ahead by two, need only hold their lead for 14 seconds while the crowd screams support.

Panel 5, largest on the page, Lincoln Thorpe (#1) is bending over inside the Pips' huddle with a shit-eating grin on his face. Pips coach Ronnie Day is yelling at him, and Haywire (#81) is frowning at Thorpe.

THORPE:
I got the Gatorman pretty good on that last one. Y’all see that? Right in the kidney, the freak.

RONNIE:
Lincoln, pay attention, goddamnit!

CAPTION (nearer Thorpe):
Out of the timeout, the Pips can try to tie...

CAPTION (nearer Haywire):
Or put the weight of the game on the man who got them this far.


~~~
Stitch

Page One (three panels)

Panel 1, splash with two inserts. The main panel is almost nearing dusk and is a shot of a Taran soldier who is laying in shock, dying, staring up as we look directly down at him. He's laying on a gravelly patch of scrub grass. One of his legs is missing above the knee, and he has two arrows in his stomach. I don't mind either way if there's blood coming from his mouth. Both inserts are POV from that soldier looking at the sky. Insert 1a is in the top left and is just the sky in it's pre-dusk gradients of color. Insert 1b is in the bottom right and is a silhouetted Tomas approaching from the direction of the sun.

CAPTION SOLDIER (insert 1a):
What a beautiful ocean.

CAPTION SOLDIER:
I always wanted to be a sailor. I never even saw the sea until now.

CAPTION SOLDIER:
My leg won't move. It doesn't hurt, but I can't seem to move it.

TOMAS (OP, distant):
This shouldn't have happened.

CAPTION SOLDIER:
No. No, it shouldn't have. It's so hard to swim with one leg.

CAPTION SOLDIER:
Am I swimming? Am I drowning?

SFX (at the bottom, near insert 1b):
crunch crunch crunch

TOMAS (1b):
You're very close. You don't even hear the other screams anymore, do you?

CAPTION SOLDIER (1b):
It's so hard to hear, underwater.

Morganza
01-14-2016, 10:59 AM
Page 1

Panel 1
Wide panel - Midday, establishing shot of a desert canyon vista in the south western part of America. A river runs through the canyon with little vegetation growing along its banks, near the river is a column of billowing smoke emitting from an impact into the Earth. In the foreground are three Apache horsemen on a plateau overlooking the canyon, one of them is pointing at the impact zone.

Caption 01: We saw the burning sky from our village, the children screamed and hid behind their mothers, men and women trembled as the land shook the sky. Even the birds and prey fled from the angry sky!

Caption 02: The elders were concerned and called for my brothers and I to find the fallen sky and return it the village.


Panel 2
POV of the three Apaches as they approach the smoldering wreckage of what appears to be a small space craft. The wreckage is discharging electrical bolts. Footprints can be seen leading away from the craft.

Caption 03: We came upon a strange hut, broken, crackling lightning like an raging storm. The skin of the hut was like a thin hide and with the luster of a flint stone.


Panel 3
Birds Eye view of the Apache horsemen following the footprints next the river's edge.

Caption 04: We followed tracks leading to the river. We could hear strange singing, and it became louder as we approached the source.


Panel 4
Close up on "The Moon Man" It is holding it's dead child on the rivers edge. It's in anguish, knelled down next to a large rock formation, shoulders slumped, head dropped and turned to the viewer.

The Moon Man is humanoid, thin, big round yellow eyes and green/ grey skin. It is wearing a pressure suit, segmented like an insects body and legs with a metallic but faded bluish green color. It's helmet is like an astronauts except the top part has a thick fin that starts at the top and goes down the back like an ancient roman centurion helmet.

Caption 05: We followed the strange singing until we found the one who fell from the sky, it's sorrow filled the river with his mourning song. He held the child like a mother would, tender and gentle, my heart weighed heavy for the sky man.


***************************************

I might come back to this later, it took me an hour just to write one page, expect edits.

jpgaltmiller
01-14-2016, 05:52 PM
Hey,

I'm not really sure what the procedure is here. Are we supposed to comment on others' submissions, or does only Steven weigh in?

Just wanted to say, Morgan, I like a lot about your page. It's a good set up for an interesting premise: Native Americans find a space man and have to deal with him. I feel like the writing is a bit rough though. I'm not a huge fan of a story told all in captions, but it could work here.

A couple things regarding the writing exercise though: I saw that you wrote "children screamed" in one of the captions, and I did not see "scream" anywhere else. I had assumed that the rule for the exercise was to use the word "scream" exactly, and not a close version to it. Steven want to clarify that?

Also, I read it several times, but I don't think I saw a rock mentioned anywhere?

Beardyface: I'm just going to give you my quick reactions.

Dissolve seemed interesting. Admittedly I'm not a fan of all the thought bubbles. Plus, the last panel was very confusing to me. For me this did not set up a story or a premise. I'm not sure if I would turn the page.

One note: a rock is mentioned on the ground in the second to last panel. Wondering if that is enough, as far as the exercise goes? Does the rock just need to be present, or does it have to be used in some way. (Admittedly, when I read the instructions, I thought it said use the rock as a prop, rather than as an "object". So not sure on this.)

I liked Husk a lot. I would definitely be interested in finding out what happens next. Plus you hit the scream and rock instructions.

I thought Robert Brockway's wedding was pretty hilarious. I liked how you incorporated scream. However, did I miss it? Where is the rock? Also, while it's easy for me to picture the hijinks in my mind, I'm not sure the last couple panels will translate the way you want in the art. But I could be wrong on that.

SBA: I don't think I saw a rock anywhere. The word "screams" is in a caption, but not "scream". Not sure how precise we need to be with that. Overall, I just wasn't into this page. Partly it's because I don't really care about sports (though I am often drawn into the drama of sports movies). I just didn't feel like, okay, this is a story about X, and I want to find out more.

Stitch: Here again I saw no rock noted, and "screams" was used instead of "scream". Again, it's hard. The page doesn't really set up any expectations for me, as in, this is a story about X. Maybe that's not exactly it. I get that there's a guy on his deathbed, presumably. And we are now going to find out how he got there. But the conflicting information (ocean vs. what we see) is more confusing to me than intriguing.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing what other submissions come out of this!

Beardywriterface
01-14-2016, 06:22 PM
Hey,

Beardyface: I'm just going to give you my quick reactions.

Dissolve seemed interesting. Admittedly I'm not a fan of all the thought bubbles. Plus, the last panel was very confusing to me. For me this did not set up a story or a premise. I'm not sure if I would turn the page.

One note: a rock is mentioned on the ground in the second to last panel. Wondering if that is enough, as far as the exercise goes? Does the rock just need to be present, or does it have to be used in some way. (Admittedly, when I read the instructions, I thought it said use the rock as a prop, rather than as an "object". So not sure on this.)

I liked Husk a lot. I would definitely be interested in finding out what happens next. Plus you hit the scream and rock instructions.

I thought Robert Brockway's wedding was pretty hilarious. I liked how you incorporated scream. However, did I miss it? Where is the rock? Also, while it's easy for me to picture the hijinks in my mind, I'm not sure the last couple panels will translate the way you want in the art. But I could be wrong on that.

SBA: I don't think I saw a rock anywhere. The word "screams" is in a caption, but not "scream". Not sure how precise we need to be with that. Overall, I just wasn't into this page. Partly it's because I don't really care about sports (though I am often drawn into the drama of sports movies). I just didn't feel like, okay, this is a story about X, and I want to find out more.

Stitch: Here again I saw no rock noted, and "screams" was used instead of "scream". Again, it's hard. The page doesn't really set up any expectations for me, as in, this is a story about X. Maybe that's not exactly it. I get that there's a guy on his deathbed, presumably. And we are now going to find out how he got there. But the conflicting information (ocean vs. what we see) is more confusing to me than intriguing.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing what other submissions come out of this!

The rock in the wedding was her diamond ring. The rock in the basketball one was the basketball (as in "pass me the rock"). I tried to do something with Alkatraz or Dwayne Johnson but I decided that would be forcing it. The rocks in the first and last are just that. The last one was the gravel he's laying on, which I had a feeling was baaaarely following the rules. Hell I don't know if Husk counted.

Ah, and the confusion at the last panel of Dissolve is because I forgot to say she PICKS UP the rock and is cocking her arm to throw. Whoops.

jpgaltmiller
01-14-2016, 06:32 PM
I actually think Husk was great. It was a "power rock". Maybe you could have described it a bit more. But clearly, this was an important object in the panel "doing" something, and not just background.

I give you props for being clever. I suppose a diamond could possibly, technically, be considered a rock... though, are crystals rocks? (Yes, I know that people refer to diamonds, especially on a ring, as rocks.) To me, the basketball is an even larger stretch.

But it really all depends on how literal we're supposed to be with the exercise instructions, I guess. Steven?

Beardywriterface
01-14-2016, 06:49 PM
I actually think Husk was great. It was a "power rock". Maybe you could have described it a bit more. But clearly, this was an important object in the panel "doing" something, and not just background.

I give you props for being clever. I suppose a diamond could possibly, technically, be considered a rock... though, are crystals rocks? (Yes, I know that people refer to diamonds, especially on a ring, as rocks.) To me, the basketball is an even larger stretch.

But it really all depends on how literal we're supposed to be with the exercise instructions, I guess. Steven?

Yeah, he said be imaginative, but I thought I could just as easily be dinged for not being literal enough (it also says stone, and that's much less ambiguous). Either way, it was a fun gamble, and a fun task.

By the way, I read Stephen King. He has made the idea of psychotically broken people like Ricky with a creepy little friend like Rocco scare the bejeebers out of me (even though it's closer to Calvin and Hobbes at this point than SK). Unless Rocco really is a sentient rock... in which case COOL!

Morganza
01-14-2016, 07:54 PM
Hey,

Just wanted to say, Morgan, I like a lot about your page. It's a good set up for an interesting premise: Native Americans find a space man and have to deal with him. I feel like the writing is a bit rough though. I'm not a huge fan of a story told all in captions, but it could work here.

A couple things regarding the writing exercise though: I saw that you wrote "children screamed" in one of the captions, and I did not see "scream" anywhere else. I had assumed that the rule for the exercise was to use the word "scream" exactly, and not a close version to it. Steven want to clarify that?

Also, I read it several times, but I don't think I saw a rock mentioned anywhere?



Thanks for the feedback JPgaltmiller! I was going to kill two birds with one stone and make this a flashback.

This is just an idea I had for the digital webbing anthology, I really have no idea how native americans use the english language for storytelling, it's really ham fisted tarzan dialogue. I'm not a writer but I thought I would challenge myself, the concept is solid and full of potential. Added a rock!

Also, I enjoyed your script, I could see that on Tale from the Crypt.

jpgaltmiller
01-14-2016, 08:31 PM
Heh - Beardy - I never really decided whether the rock was really talking or not. Though it did take a fast turn to creepy town, I admit that I laughed and laughed and laughed when I saw where it had to go. :)

(Really my only inspiration when I started writing it was that I wanted to hear the tagline from Alien coming from a TV - but cut it off before it gets to the word "scream". Just to kind of mess with the expectations set up by the rules of the exercise.)

gmartyt
01-21-2016, 03:38 AM
I had way more fun with this than I should have. Out of all the scripts I have ever written, the following five pages are probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. I apologize to everyone involved.

Anyway, welcome back, one and all, to another installment of...

THE PROVING GROUNDS

ISSUE 1

PAGE ONE (seven panels)

Panel 1. Daytime in a home office. Steven is angrily shoving a pile of things off a table. The pile consists of papers, a stapler, and a pet rock, among other things. There is a desk with a computer on it in the back of the room, but it can't be seen yet.

STEVEN:
Fools!


Panel 2. Steven, angry, is leaning against the table. The computer can be seen in the background behind Steven.

STEVEN:
What makes them think they can create comics?! What makes them think they're worthy?!


Panel 3. Close-up of Steven looking over his shoulder, grinning evilly.

STEVEN:
It seems like it's time for another writing challenge.


Panel 4. Steven is walking over to the computer, wringing his hands maniacally.

STEVEN:
The fourth dimension must be used as an object. All the dialog must be a palindrome. Every page must use a nine-panel grid!

STEVEN:
Oh, how they will scream!


Panel 5. Steven, looking curiously at the computer monitor, is pulling out the chair in front of the computer desk.

STEVEN:
What do we have here?


Panel 6. Close-up of the computer screen. An e-mail is open on the screen.

TEXT(e-mail, keep the spacing used):
Hey, Steven,

Thought I'd give The Proving Grounds a shot.
Hope I do okay.

Greg.


Panel 7. Close-up of Steven grinning evilly.

STEVEN:
Muhuhahaha.

ISSUE 2

PAGE ONE (seven panels)

Panel 1. In a small bedroom at night. Light comes from the glow of a computer screen. Greg is sitting at the computer, typing. Next to the computer monitor is a pet rock.

CAPTION(Greg):
Thanks for the help, Schuyler.

CAPTION(Schulyer):
Don't mention it.


Panel 2. We are now in the computer world, which looks a lot like the grid from Tron. Greg is flipping through a script with an evil smile. While in the computer world, everyone wears the clothes from Tron unless stated otherwise.

GREG:
There's no way Steven can hate this.

SCHUYLER(op):
I don't know about that...


Panel 3. Greg, is waving the script mockingly at Schuyler. Schuyler, solemn, back to Greg, has his eyes closed.

GREG:
Are you kidding? Only a total asshole could hate something like this.

SCHUYLER:
Maybe. But, lately, Steven seems to care more about making new creators scream than not being an asshole.


Panel 4. Greg is walking over to Schuyler, shrugging his shoulders. Schuyler has turned to face Greg.

GREG:
Don't you think you're over-exaggerating? I mean, sure, Steven's been a bit of an asshole lately, but no more than usual.

SCHUYLER:
You haven't read the most recent installment of The Proving Grounds, have you?


Panel 5. Greg, a little confused, has crossed his arms. Schuyler is walking away, a little sad.

GREG:
Not yet. Why?

SCHUYLER:
I'd rather not talk about it. You'll have to read it for yourself.


Panel 6. Back in the bedroom. Greg is typing.

NO COPY


Panel 7. Close-up of Greg, horrified. The glow of the screen can be seen on his face.

GREG:
Dear God...

ISSUE 3

PAGE ONE (seven panels)

Panel 1. In the computer world. Greg is leaning on round table in front of him. On the other side of the table are Schuyler, Rin, and Felix, all of whom are seated. In the center of the table is a pet rock. Everyone looks serious.

GREG:
We can't let things go on like this.

Panel 2. Close on Greg, serious.

GREG:
Steven has always been a bit of an asshole, but at least he was a caring asshole.

GREG:
Now, all he seems to care about is finding ways to make new creators scream.


Panel 3. Close on Schuyler, sad.

SCHUYLER:
To see someone so great fall so far... It's almost too much to bear.


Panel 4. Close on Rin, frustrated.

RIN:
I'll grant you that Steven has changed recently, and not for the better. But what are we supposed to do?


Panel 5. Close on Felix, deep in thought.

FELIX:
What can we do? We don't even know what's caused such a drastic change.


Panel 6. Close on Greg, who has banged his fist against the table in anger.

SFX:
Bang

GREG:
We have to do something! He said my script was crap!


Panel 7. Overhead shot. Everyone looks surprised.

STEVEN(op, burst):
Fools!

ISSUE 4

PAGE ONE (six panels)

Panel 1. Daytime in a small home office. Liam, lost in thought, is sitting at his computer, wearing a Jedi robe. There is a pet rock on the desk next to the computer monitor.

LIAM:
Interesting...


Panel 2. Over Liam's shoulder, looking at the computer monitor.

LIAM:
Just a few months ago, Steven was only a bit of an asshole...

TEXT(computer monitor):
TPG Week 249: Not too bad.

TEXT(computer monitor):
TPG Week 250: Room for improvement.


Panel 3. Same angle as previous panel.

LIAM:
...but right around the beginning of October, he started to focus on making new creators scream.

TEXT(computer monitor):
TPG Week 251: The Cause of Cancer.

TEXT(computer monitor):
TPG Week 252: Quit Right Now.


Panel 4. Liam is leaning back in his chair, deep in thought.

LIAM:
What happened in October to cause him to change?


Panel 5. Liam is leaning in closer to the computer monitor.

LIAM:
Wait a minute... What's this?


Panel 6. Close-up of Liam leaning in even closer to the computer screen.

LIAM:
“Went to Comic-con today. Got to meet Paul Jenkins, Jim Shooter, and...”

ISSUE 5

PAGE ONE (seven panels)

Panel 1. In the computer world. Greg, Schuyler, Felix, and Rin are all gathered around Steven. Steven, on the ground, is sitting up and rubbing a lump his head, confused. There is a pet rock on the ground next to Steven.

STEVEN:
Ugh... What happened?


Panel 2. Over Steven's shoulder looking up at Schuyler, Felix, and Rin.

STEVEN:
Schuyler... Felix... Rin...

STEVEN:
What's going on? What am I doing here?


Panel 3. Close-up of Steven looking surprised.

GREG(op):
No more games!


Panel 4. Greg, angry, is standing over Steven. Steven is looking at Greg, confused.

GREG:
We won't let you get away with torturing new creators anymore!

STEVEN:
What are you talking about?

GREG:
Don't play dumb with me! You've been focused on making new creators scream for the past few months!


Panel 5. The group has taken a step back in surprise. Steven, angry, is yelling at Greg.

STEVEN:
I'm not that much of an asshole! I enjoy seeing new creators grow into contributing members of the comics community!


Panel 6. Shot of Schuyler, Felix, and Rin. They all look a little confused.

SCHUYLER:
What's going on here?

FELIX:
It's almost like he doesn't remember...

RIN:
Is this some kind of joke?


Panel 7. Same angle as the previous panel. Everyone is looking at an off-panel Liam, surprised.

LIAM(op):
Allow me to explain.

Kiyoko, Rin
01-21-2016, 04:53 AM
Nice work, Greg! LOL

gmartyt
01-26-2016, 01:15 AM
Thanks, Rin. I'll make sure to give you more lines in the sequel.

gmartyt
01-26-2016, 01:17 AM
Now that the deadline has passed, would anyone be interested in exchanging scripts? (You wouldn't have to do all of them. Pick whichever one you want.)

Beardywriterface
01-29-2016, 06:20 PM
Hey Greg, did you mean to edit? Or just to give general feedback? My editorial eye is even less developed than my writer's brain, but I can try!

gmartyt
01-31-2016, 02:59 AM
I meant to edit.

Would you prefer to do just one opener, or all five?