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jpgaltmiller
12-22-2015, 07:23 PM
I'm back for some free advice!

Wondering what you think of panel 2 here. I'm trying to suggest that the gag cuts off the end of her word here. Does this work? Or should I just write out the whole word (BASTARDS!)?

Thanks in advance!

http://www.lesbianzombies.com/lz%20p0424_LetterTest.jpg

Stewart Vernon
12-23-2015, 01:06 AM
That looks like the right way to do it to me, and it ties in the timing of the gagging to have her dialog cutoff that way, so I prefer it given what you're trying to convey.

Scribbly
12-24-2015, 03:41 PM
If you want cut the word, you can cut it at BAST...! More suggestive.
Bastar...! only needs the D to be complete. Not too suggestive. IMHO.

jpgaltmiller
12-24-2015, 08:34 PM
Good point, Scribbly. Thanks for the feedback, both of you guys!

Jave

Stewart Vernon
12-24-2015, 11:23 PM
I could go either way, with regard to where you cut off her speech. It's a balancing act between how much you want to suggest vs "timing" of when the gag cuts off her yell.

Steve Colle
12-27-2015, 07:53 PM
Role play this action, including the forcing on of the gag or facsimile that will give you a more accurate idea of how it should sound.

When I consider this, a "GAK!" sound would interrupt the speech. The most logical place to incorporate this would be on a G sound, but that would mean putting it as your first word without further dialogue. However, if you have it as "Let me--" in bold letters, followed by a connected burst-style balloon with "GAK!", you accomplish this goal while maintaining a semblance of what you initially had.

But I suggest you role play your dialogue and the actions that they relate to for better accuracy and realism.

Steve Colle
12-28-2015, 01:19 PM
And by the way, the "To be continued..." should be in the bottom right hand corner to close the scene. Otherwise, and given it's placement, it acts as just another caption. There's a purpose to everything.

jpgaltmiller
12-29-2015, 02:02 AM
Hey Steve,

Thanks for the suggestions! I felt like the bottom right corner was too cluttered, and that's the reason I was placing it up where I did. But I'll have to give it a shot. (I think in previous issues I've place the the continued elsewhere as well - though nothing quite so blatant as this one - lower left corner, rather than right, or something like that.)

Steve Colle
12-29-2015, 11:31 PM
At the very bottom between her legs where the brush is (there's no good way to explain that without coming across as crass...).