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View Full Version : Black Jack- Opening Scenes


KevinLeeMcDougall
11-20-2015, 01:12 AM
INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

It's dark. Light from an outside malfuctioning gangling street lamp reaches through the living room window casting an unstable shard of light across the apartment ceiling. Underneath this dance of shadow and light, a YOUNG MAN lies restless and half naked on a drab sofa. He lifts himself as though the weight of the world were burying into his shoulders and stretches his hand wearily across his shrouded face.

He stands up, abruptly turning to face the window. He stays there for a few moments, just gazing out, before turning back around and walking out of the room, his features obscured by darkness.

Through the window, and up in the night sky, the stars begin to move to form together. They merge to create two words surrounded by nothing but darkness:

TITLE: BLACK JACK


INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

The young man exits his apartment and instantly shrinks under the harsh bright light of the corridor, his posture and dark hair rendering him indistinct. He steps to the apartment door immediately opposite and KNOCKS to no answer. He KNOCKS again, harder...


INT. APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Complete darkness is broken by a table lamp being switched on. An old lady is in bed, half asleep, reeling her arm in from the lamp, eyes flinching at the light. A wheelchair sits besdide the bed. There's a knock at the bedroom door.

YOUNG MAN
It's Jack.

OLD LADY
(shouting)
Come on in.

JACK walks into the room, and the old lady struggles to lift herself into a sitting position.

OLD LADY
(hurried)
I'm sorry, Jack, I-I've only just woke.

JACK
(calmly)
It's no problem, Doris.

Jack walks over to DORIS'S side of the bed, maoeuvering himself around the wheelchair. Darkness seems to follow him; still his face is obscured by shadow.

He pauses, giving Doris a moment to gather herself.

JACK
(considerate)
You ready?

She nods and Jack lifts her from the bed. As he moves her, she yawns, and though she politely attempts to cover her mouth, her fragile bones can't
quite move quickly enough to do so.

JACK
(playfully)
Good morning.

Jack carefully places her into the wheelchair.

DORIS
(smiling)
Thank you.

He walks to a table that holds a kettle, a couple of cups and coffee condiment kits: the kind of thing you'd see in a hotel. He begins preparing coffee. DORIS watches him affectionately.

DORIS
Jack, what are you doing?

Jack half turns, smiling, half of his face exposed to the light. High cheek bones, big brown eyes, and a mischievous smile render him quite cute.

JACK
Making coffee.

DORIS
You don't have to always do this you know. I am capable.

Jack resumes preparing coffee, his back to Doris.

JACK
(serious)
I know. I like to.

The kettle reaches boiling point, and Jack pours the hot water. He stirs, and then hands the cup to Doris cautiously and caringly.

JACK
So, is there anything I can get for you today?

DORIS
No... I-I think I've everything I need.

Doris blows at the steaming coffee.

JACK
You sure?

DORIS
I'm sure.

She takes a sip.

JACK
Right, well, I'd best get going.

DORIS
(smiling)
Okay
.
JACK
I'll... see you later then, Doris

DORIS
Bye, Jack, and thank you...

Jack steps towards the door.

DORIS
(solemnly)
I do hope your day is a good one.

Jack reaches the door and turns to look back at Doris. Light finally catches his face in full, exposing unsightly scars on the right side of his face. It's as though someone has sliced away at his face with a shard of glass.

Jack smiles sadly.

JACK
You too.

Steven Forbes
11-20-2015, 03:40 AM
I stopped reading at the third sentence, which is one sentence more than I should have. The first panel is undrawable.

Here (http://www.comixtribe.com/2013/04/09/bn-week-120-undrawable-panel-descriptions/)is some info concerning what I'm talking about.

Here (http://digitalwebbing.com/forums/showthread.php?t=168149)is where you can find more.

Good luck.

SamRoads
11-20-2015, 11:20 AM
This is a film script, not a comic script. Try Talentville, where they will critique this kind of thing.