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jpgaltmiller
11-18-2015, 03:50 AM
Hey guys,

I'm back for some of your esteemed advice.

My purpose this time mostly has to do with the radio balloons in the panels below. Basically, several people are talking while a movie is playing on the screen (it's a high school auditorium).

My main question is: do these balloons need tails leading to the screen, or are they okay as is? (FYI: we do see the movie screen the page before, so it shoudl be clear for a reader that there is a movie screen in panel 2.)

Comments and critique on anything else is also appreciated. Thanks in advance!

http://lesbianzombies.com/lz%20p0407.jpg

symulachra
11-20-2015, 10:25 AM
I think it's fine as is. Text is usually italicized in radio balloons, though.

Watch out for the placement of the first balloon in panel 3. I'd move it a little lower, and there should be an ellipsis in the last panel.

Nice lettering overall.

jpgaltmiller
11-21-2015, 01:46 AM
Hey,

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I put that balloon in panel 3 a little higher than I normally would, in order to have room for that trail of Yes. But I'll try moving it down some.

I need that second ellipsis, huh. Wondering: you think leave the ellipsis in (and add the second one) or just get rid of the first ellipsis and use a period?

Stewart Vernon
11-21-2015, 03:42 AM
I say leave the existing ellipsis as is... that last panel needs either an ellipsis OR some form of punctuation, pending what happens in the next panel/page after this.

jpgaltmiller
11-21-2015, 05:45 AM
Oh! I see. Totally forgot the period there. I thought it meant I had to START that panel with an ellipsis.

jpgaltmiller
11-28-2015, 07:10 PM
In case anyone wants to see the finished page. Thanks for your help on this.

(I did end up leaving that one balloon where it was, because I like the "yeses" from the screen as a kind of answer to his statement.)

http://www.lesbianzombies.com/lz%20p0407_lorez.jpg

Stewart Vernon
11-28-2015, 10:52 PM
Glad to be of value. I also like how the movie dialog almost fits into the conversation. That works well.