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KevinLeeMcDougall
09-27-2015, 12:49 PM
Another post. I wanted to show the difference between the panel descriptions in this post and in the Batman one, and to get peoples thoughts as to which they prefer. Keep in mind that this isn't my world that I'm writing about, so a lot of details are left to the creator. Again, thanks in advance for your time.


One Page Wonder
A World Within
By Kevin Lee McDougall
www.kevinleemcdougall.deviantart.com


PANEL ONE (row one): Gunslinger's house has been invaded by a posse of outlaws intent on doing harm.

1. CAPTION: Life is an odd unbalanced thing.


PANEL TWO (row one): Xander is in class. He's been hit on the head by a crumpled up piece of paper. Many more of the like lie on the floor beneath him.


PANEL THREE (row two): Gunslinger has shot aimlessly and erratically at the outlaws.


PANEL FOUR (row two): Xander has been thrust forcefully to the ground by boys bigger and meaner than him.

2. CAPTION : For every joy, there are a million sorrows.


PANEL FIVE (row three): Gunslinger is crouched over the dead bullet-lined bodies of his wife and child.

3. GUNSLINGER: What have I done?!

4. CAPTION: Misery lies in its every corner.


PANEL SIX (row three): Xander has run off, away from the bullies, oblivious to his surroundings.


PANEL SEVEN (row four): Gunslinger's body has dropped to the bottom of a lake, weighed down by a ball and chain.


PANEL EIGHT (row four): Xander has been hit dead by a speeding car.

5. CAPTION: And death isn't the end of such hell...


PANEL NINE (row five): Xander is in Limbo, his head over his shoulder, unsettled by his new surroundings.

6. CAPTION: It's just the beginning!

7. XANDER: W-where am I?!

8. GUNSLINGER: You're in Limbo...that's the way to Hell.


PANEL TEN (row six): Gunslinger with guns in hand, one of the them pointed toward a horde of demons, an inviting portal of light erect behind them.

9. GUNSLINGER: THIS is the way to Heaven!

Kiyoko, Rin
10-04-2015, 08:18 AM
Another post. I wanted to show the difference between the panel descriptions in this post and in the Batman one, and to get peoples thoughts as to which they prefer.

Definitely prefer these panel descriptions to the more abstract, poetic Batman descriptions.

On your Batman post, you said you'd leave the artist to determine the amount of panels per page. If you're giving them that kind of freedom, then they'll probably ignore your instructions on the tiers (you called them "rows"), too.

As you're an artist yourself, then the way you've formatted your script isn't really an issue because you'll be drawing this yourself. If you're sending this script out to other people (publishers especially), then I wouldn't recommend your format at all.

SamRoads
10-04-2015, 01:09 PM
It's an improvement, but this is chapter 2 of a long book. :)

"Gunslinger's house has been invaded by a posse of outlaws intent on doing harm."

This, for example, is nothing like what an artist needs to draw the panel. You have to describe the panel, not in prose, but in clear description.

KevinLeeMcDougall
10-07-2015, 05:33 PM
Thank you so much, Rin and Sam. This is actually a one pager, part of my One Page Wonder series, so there's no need for page numbers. The Batman script was initially supposed to be a one pager too, which is partly why there are no page numbers on that, but there turned out to be way too much content. I'm going to update both scripts as soon as. Again, thanks.