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Artloader
08-12-2015, 07:42 PM
Hi all,

I'm working on an eComic that is set in a post apocalyptic world containing steampunk and science fiction elements. This is the prologue to the story and is 8 pages long with 3 panels on each page.

I thought I'd post it on here to see if any of you could spare the time to give it a quick scan before I start the artwork. Any feedback (good or bad) would be gratefully received - thanks :).




Page 1 - Panel 1
Early evening.
The sky is deep purple.
The planetary rings are visible in the sky.
The terrain is mountainous.
Atop a cliff edge, Sylen Benevolen in his helmet, astride his winged black panther gazes across a chasm at a ruined black castle.
A swarm of green moths is coming across from the castle ruins towards him.

Page 1 - Panel 2
He flies his panther across. Flanked by the swarm of green moths like some giant bat-wing.

Page 1 - Panel 3
Inside the ruined castle, the great hall.
Gloomy lighting is provided by a series of gas tube lamps.
Kopath the giant has a young maiden (Umia) imprisoned inside a suspended cage.
There are other cages covered in sheets around the hall.
Kopath: There's no need to be afraid of me Umia, I'm only protecting you from the rest of the world.
Umia just stares at the floor wide-eyed and shivering.



Page 2 - Panel 1
Benevolen, Iyeon and the moths are on a giant, arched, window ledge high above.

Page 2 - Panel 2
Benevolen is gesturing with his hand.
The green moths are swarming downwards.

Page 2 - Panel 3
Down below.
The swarm of green moths smother Kopath's face and shoulders with grey cobwebs!
Kopath: Ummmphh!



Page 3 - Panel 1
Iyeon the panther tackles Kopath pushing him away from Umia.
Iyeon: ROOAAAAAR!
Benevolen has already leapt off Iyeon's back in mid-air, spear in hand.

Page 3 - Panel 2
Now on the ground, Benevolen has drawn his duelling pistol and shoots out the lock on Umia's cage.
SFX: BLAM!

Page 3 - Panel 3
Umia climbs out of the cage and clings onto Benevolen.
Umia: Sylen!



Page 4 - Panel 1
Kopath, down on one knee, tears the cobwebs from his eyes.
Iyeon is biting him on the forearm.

Page 4 - Panel 2
Kopath is up on his feet kicking Iyeon.
Kopath: RAAAARGH!
Iyeon: Rooaaarr!

Page 4 - Panel 3
Iyeon has retreated.
Kopath grabs a massive knife and grins at Benevolen and Umia.
Kopath: Heh heh.



Page 5 - Panel 1
Benevolen shoots Kopath with his duelling pistol.
SFX: BLAM!
Kopath is hit in the middle of the forehead.

Page 5 - Panel 2
Kopath topples backwards.
SFA: KA-THUD!

Page 5 - Panel 3
Benevolen holds Umia.
Umia: *Sob* he was going to kill me *sob* I know it.



Page 6 - Panel 1
Benevolen and Umia are flying at dusk on Iyeon the winged panther.
The moth swarm trailing behind them like a huge bat-wing.

Page 6 - Panel 2
It's still dusk.
Home at Suborea, the forest city, on a huge bent over tree trunk that provides a sort of city high street.
Atonis Trogade is running to greet Umia and Benevolen.
Atonis: Umia!

Page 6 - Panel 3
Benevolen still astride Iyeon with his moth swarm brooding over him, watches as Atonis and Umia embrace.
Umia: I never thought I'd see you again *sob*.
Atonis: You're safe now my love.



Page 7 - Panel 1
Atonis turns to Benevolen.
Atonis: Thank you Benevolen, I owe you a great debt.
Benevolen: Don't mention it.

Page 7 - Panel 2
This is a long distance view.
Night has fallen over the forest.
The lights of Suborea can be seen below.
The arching planetary rings can be seen above.

Page 7 - Panel 3
The next day around noon.
In Suborea in the chapel (arching wooden architecture).
Umia and Atonis are getting married.
A priest stands above them.
Priest: Do you Umia Yulon, take Atonis Trogade to be your husband, from this day forward, forsaking all others?



Page 8 - Panel 1
At the back of the church, Benevolen has turned his back and is leaving.
Umia is gazing into Atonis' eyes.
Umia: I do.

Page 8 - Panel 2
In Benevolen's chambers.
Benevolen is packing his suitcase.

Page 8 - Panel 3
It is dusk.
The sky is deep purple and the planetary rings are visible.
Over the forest with the city of Suborea behind him we see Benevolen flying on a heavily laden Iyeon the winged panther and flanked by his moths like a giant bat-wing.

SamRoads
08-13-2015, 06:55 AM
This shows inventiveness, but a certain lack of experience at script writing.

Visit www.comixtribe.com and read Bolts and Nuts for some vital first lessons on comic script writing. Or buy BMB's Words For Pictures, for a no-nonsense primer.

Steven Forbes
08-13-2015, 08:53 AM
I absolutely hated that book, and cannot endorse it.

You want a good primer, the dc guide to writing comics is great.

Artloader
08-13-2015, 03:07 PM
@SamRoads: Thanks for taking the time, I actually landed on ComixTribe the other night and started reading through it - a wealth of information :) suffice to say though I've still got a long way to go. I will look up your book recommendation - thank you.

@Steven Forbes: ComixTribe is a fantastic site, thanks for putting it out there :). The DC Guide sounds like another good book to look up - thanks.

SpellboundComics
08-16-2015, 04:30 PM
I absolutely hated that book, and cannot endorse it.

You want a good primer, the dc guide to writing comics is great.

I'm curious why you don't care for Bendis' book.

Kiyoko, Rin
08-16-2015, 04:50 PM
Before I give my 2 cents, I should point out that because you’ll be doing the artwork for this script, then I won’t comment on the visuals. I’ll assume you know what can be drawn and how it will look, and I don’t need to tell you how to format your script because you’re your own audience. I’ll focus purely on the storytelling elements. And ignore the moving panels (page 3 panel 3).

The 1st 2 panels on page 1 are entirely too silent for my tastes. There’s plenty of artwork to look at, but not much story. So, I’d put some of Kopath’s speech in captions in order to build some kind of tension.

The moths confuse me. From the 1st panel’s description, I assumed they were going to attack. As they join formation in panel 2 I’m wondering why they were ahead of Sylen – did he send them out to scout ahead?

Page 2
Panel 1. I wouldn’t have them ON the window ledge, I’d have them flying over it. Pacing-wise, it connects more to panel 2 on the 1st page; character-wise it seems more heroic to go directly to her aid rather than stopping off to rest on a ledge.

As general points, because Sylen doesn’t say much, it’s hard to know what his character’s like (besides silent). We also don’t know, because we haven’t been told, what his motivation is – we don’t know why he rescued Umia, or what he wanted out of it. I’m also not sure how he’s reacting to the wedding. Not saying these things need to be made front and centre, but they definitely need to be considered.

Oh, and don’t forget your commas[COMMA] Artloader.

Artloader
08-16-2015, 05:57 PM
@Kiyoko, Rin: Really appreciate you taking the time to read through, thank you.

Nice spot on the moving panel! I thought I'd squished all of those but I obviously missed that one.

I really like the suggestion of a captioning Kopath's speech in the first 2 panels - fantastic!

You are correct about the moths, he sent them on ahead to scout, hopefully I can paint this in a way that makes things a little clearer.

Again fantastic advice on the window ledge, I will have him flying through with his moths ahead of him.

Benevolen is a man of few words, a bit of a loner so I deliberately cut down his word count as an attempt to reveal a little of his character.

Hmmm he rescued Umia because he's one of the city's elite soldiers and it is his job. More than that he is in love with her. Perhaps I need to think about how I can better show that he is a member of the city militia? And also that he has a massive crush on Umia.

He's heartbroken at the wedding - perhaps I should be more obvious than just having him leaving town?

Commas? Hmmm yeah that final panel description could've done with a few commas I guess, thanks my friend :).

Steven Forbes
08-17-2015, 12:01 AM
I'm curious why you don't care for Bendis' book.

It's almost absolutely useless. It's a whole bunch of hot air.

I say more about it here (https://joshua-crowther.squarespace.com/blog/2015/7/20/not-worth-the-admission-price).

Scribbly
08-18-2015, 06:25 AM
I'm curious why you don't care for Bendis' book.

This Bendis book is a straight verbatim copy of his former TED Talk about comics writing adapted to book format.
It can be resumed on this: If you want learn how write comics, just start by writing comics. Making mistakes. And keep writing until you learn. Briefly: If you want to be in comics the only way is to make your own comics.
Like he did.
Bendis TED talk Here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2IlpKCznN8

MattTriano
08-19-2015, 12:00 PM
Frank Miller's script is partially reprinted in the Afterword(s) of Batman: Year One Deluxe Ed. His formatting is similar to film, and while most writers don't take the time to give scene intros at the top of each panel, I think it's one of the clearest decisions a writer can make when communicating to editors and artists.

Example:

PAGE ONE

1.1
EXT. BLACK CASTLE CLIFFS - PLANET X - DUSK
Wide shot. Cliffs, jagged chasms surround. Angle on SYLVEN BEN, 35, alien antihero in armor and helmet. He sits astride a winged RED PANTHER in FG. The duo gaze across a mountainous chasm toward the hulking ruins of a BLACK CASTLE set among mountains in BG. A swarm of large GREEN MOTHS is emerging from the castle, faintly glowing in the distance, moving slowly toward us. Beyond them is a PURPLE SKY sprinkled with stars. Two moons in the sky. A nearby planet with rings (like Saturn) partially visible.

NO DIALOGUE

1.2
EXT BLACK CASTLE CLIFFS - SAME
Full shot. SYLVEN and his PANTHER flying toward the reader, heading toward the castle off panel. The Panther's (name TBD) massive wings drag billowing dust from the edge of the cliff; Panther snarls at the cloud of glowing green MOTHS in EXTREME FG, swarming toward Syl and his steed. They are going to collide!

NO DIALOGUE

1.3
INT. BLACK CASTLE - GREAT HALL - SAME
Wide shot. Angle on the former GREAT HALL now dimly lit by a network of glowing GAS TUBES, like massive strings of haphazard Christmas lights, festooning the ruins. In MG stands a massive alien overlord, KOPATH THE GIANT, mid-50's, imposing. He regards a CAGE suspended from a chain link pulley system attached to what's left of the ceiling. Imprisoned inside is UMLA, 20, beautiful and defiant young woman. In the shadows, half dozen other CAGES sit covered in leathery TARPAULINS.

1 KOPATH: There's no need to be afraid of me, Umia. I'm protecting you. From the rest of the world.

1.4
INT BLACK CASTLE - SAME
Mid shot. KOPATH AND UMLA. We van see that her hair is wet, her expensive gown partially torn. She stares at the floor, wide-eyed, grimaced. She shivers.

NO DIALOGUE
--

So. Where and When up top, organizing panel descriptions by type of shot and remarking on the main bits by what the reader is meant to see first in FG, second in MG and last in BG. If there is no copy in the panel, say so. All of it is in the interest of clarity -- editors will love you -- and it makes your scripts so much easier for artists to read, to remember the big W questions throughout. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to get a script from someone you know can write, but who hasn't been fucked to organize the information in a clear manner.

Then again if you're only writing for you, might as well ditch the scripting phase entirely and thumbnail from a rough outline -- unless you find full script helpful, or if you want to show the script to someone else -- then it does need to literally spell out what's going on.

The above is a little Frank Miller and a little me, so while that's how my scripts look it isn't necessarily what you need to do. Just be clear. And honest. If you don't have a good idea what we're supposed to see, say that -- 'I don't know BUT it could be...' x y and z -- although on sample scripts it's important not to do that. Pretend like you know :)

Post pages when they're done!

Keep going.

Best,
M

PS - On the subject of WORDS FOR PICTURES, if you like Bendis' writing you'll like the book. If you find his work derivative, repetitive and long-winded then skip it. The DC Guides are all fantastic for structure and stuff, but formatting is up to you.

Artloader
08-19-2015, 07:14 PM
@MattTriano: Wow! I love what you've done here Matt. Your scene intros have really brought the story to life and even though I'll be the artist on this, it's really helped me visualise the scene, a huge thanks :thumbs:. I think it's time a went back through and edited my script.

SamRoads
08-20-2015, 10:44 PM
I appear to have read a different Words For Pictures than everyone else. :)

a.) It has several excellent articles - interviews with rightly famous folks who, amidst anecdotes about flim flam also give a variety of writing takeaways. These articles are well laid out and accompanied by useful picture assets that often illustrate a point.
b.) It has a whole chapter saying how great editors are. Apart from the 'Tribe this isn't something I've seen much in other books about comics
c.) It has a really nice chapter on business and contracts - a crucial piece of the puzzle

I do accept that one chapter (artists on artists) is just a lot of waffle.

But overall, I continue to think it's good! :D

Steven Forbes
08-21-2015, 01:56 AM
I appear to have read a different Words For Pictures than everyone else. :)

a.) It has several excellent articles - interviews with rightly famous folks who, amidst anecdotes about flim flam also give a variety of writing takeaways. These articles are well laid out and accompanied by useful picture assets that often illustrate a point.

Mostly anecdotes that aren't very helpful (imo). What it basically comes down to is "this is how I do it with this artist". This is fine when you know the artist you're working with. Most of us don't.



b.) It has a whole chapter saying how great editors are. Apart from the 'Tribe this isn't something I've seen much in other books about comics

This is the best part of the book by far--but not worth the price of admission.


c.) It has a really nice chapter on business and contracts - a crucial piece of the puzzle

It doesn't say anything besides "know these terms", and then gives a small glossary. It's okay, but not earth-shattering and new, and again, not worth the price of admission. Not even in conjunction with the chapter on editors.


I do accept that one chapter (artists on artists) is just a lot of waffle.


But overall, I continue to think it's good! :D

You know me. I look for things to add to the toolbox. Things I think will be useful. I still believe that this book is nothing more than someone's idea of making money because Bendis' name is on it, with precious little useful to the creator. It's 200 pages, but it's mostly pictures with extremely little substance. I was upset that I spent money on it.

Besides those two chapters, I'm genuinely interested to know what people are finding so useful about this book.

Artloader
09-21-2015, 06:44 PM
OK so the original plot was bothering me because it didn't reveal enough of Benevolen's abilities so I've done a bit of a re-write. I've also tried to apply a few lessons learned about script writing.

Here's the first half of the new script, I would appreciate any feedback, thanks.



Page 1

Panel 1:
It is dusk. The planetary rings are visible in the purple cloud-streaked sky. Captain Sylen Benevolen is standing on a cliff edge with Iyeon, his winged black panther. Helmet in hand, he is gazing across a mist filled abyss at the Dark Temple of Mymosule.

Panel 2:
Inside, Lady Umia is being carried down a corridor in a cage by the black garbed acolytes of Mymosule. Lighting is provided by wooden torches. The acolytes are armed with daggers and rifles. On a wall, a green moth is watching.
Acolytes (chanting): Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule

Panel 3:
Back outside on the cliff. Some of Benevolen's green moths are returning from the Dark Temple after he sent them in to do recon. He has his arm extended towards them.




Page 2

Panel 1:
The moths have landed on Benevolen covering him everywhere except for his face. There are two hedgehogs (mother and baby) half way up a nearby ridge. The baby hedgehog has fallen onto it's back and is struggling.

Panel 2:
The moths have taken off again and are swarming gently around Benevolen who is putting on his helmet.

Panel 3:
Benevolen has donned his helmet and is bending down to help the baby hedgehog.




Page 3

Panel 1:
Benevolen is flying on Iyeon out towards the tower with the swarm of moths flanking them like huge bat wings. The mist is swirling in their wake.

Panel 2:
Inside the Dark Temple, the acolytes carrying Lady Umia have entered a circular, black altar chamber with a stone table at it's centre. The table has metal manacles bolted to it. At one end of the table is a stand holding a curved black dagger. There are around 100 acolytes surrounding the raised altar. There are no windows and the only light comes from wooden torches on the walls and on 2 torch stands at the altar.

Panel 3:
Elsewhere in the Dark Temple, two acolytes armed with rifles are patrolling a torch-lit corridor.




Page 4

Panel 1:
The patrol enters a high-ceilinged, corridor. There is a ledge above and behind them.

Panel 2:
The stone wall above and behind the patrol seems to be peeling away to reveal Benevolen and Iyeon as the chameleon-like moths that have been covering them disperse towards the flaming torches in the corridor. Benevolen's head and shoulders are visible and Iyeon's piercing green eyes are visible amidst the dark muscular mass that is his frame.

Panel 3:
The moths have smothered a couple of the torches, it is a little darker. Benevolen and Iyeon have launched themselves off the ledge and are about to come crashing down on the two unsuspecting acolytes.




Page 5

Panel 1:
Back in the altar chamber, Lady Umia's cage has been set down next to the stone table. There are two large acolytes on either side of the cage. Kopath the High Priest of Mymosule is holding the dagger up above his head. A green moth is flying into the cage.

Kopath: Behold the dagger of Mymosule!

Panel 2:
Lady Umia is holding out the back of her hand and the green moth has landed upon it. A slight smile plays on her lips.

Panel 3:
The cage is open and the two large acolytes have grabbed Lady Umia by the wrists and are pulling her towards the stone table.

Kopath: You should feel honoured young woman. There is no greater reward than to be offered to Lord Mymosule!
Lady Umia: No!




Page 6

Panel 1:
At the entrance to the altar chamber swarms of moths are spewing forth from the darkened chamber beyond. The moths are heading towards the flaming torches in the altar chamber.

Panel 2:
A swarm of moths have smothered a torch, it now emits nothing more than a faint orange glow. There is still light from the other torches in the chamber.

Panel 3:
At the stone table, two swarms of moths have covered the torches on either side. The acolytes are looking bewildered. Lady Umia is smiling.

Kopath: What is this?

SamRoads
09-22-2015, 10:08 AM
6 pages. 3 lines of dialogue. Why make that choice?

"are returning from the Dark Temple after he sent them in to do recon."

How could we know that? Prose!

Page 2: nothing happens.

Each page has 3 panels - very low indeed.

Read more tuition!

And my very top piece of advice: find a good script and copy it. I can think of no mainstream comic writer whose script looks like this does. :)

T_F_Mann
09-22-2015, 10:39 AM
I am wondering why the 3 panels/page format? With no dialog this is going to be a very fast read. If you really want to illustrate Sylen's abilities more why not have him speak to the moths? I could be out loud or even in telepathic form. Having him speak to them like the foot soldiers that they seem to be would go a long way towards showing both his power over them as well as provide an opportunity to give him a bit of characterization. You could even use it as a way to explain they are doing recon of the Dark Temple. Hope this helps.

Mike

Artloader
09-23-2015, 07:55 PM
Hey guys thanks for taking the time, appreciated.

@SamRoads: Page 2 is my attempt at "Save The Cat" as coined by the screenwriter Blake Snyder. It's about revealing that the hero is a likeable character by having him do something nice (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blake_Snyder). Sounds like all I've done is confuse people with this though. I will lookup some professional scripts and study them, thanks.

@T_F_Mann: Nice idea about showing the telepathic communication that is going on between Benevolen and his moths, I think I will try this thanks.

Hmmm dialogue ... Benevolen is supposed to be a man of few words but from what both of you have said, there is a lesson for me to learn here - I need more dialogue. I've been thinking about the reasons for including dialogue:

1. To reveal a character's motivations.
2. To reveal a character's personality.
3. To reveal the plot.
4. To keep the reader on the page for longer.

Am I on the right track or have I ended up in the ditch?

My thinking around the 3 panels / page layout was to optimise for viewing on digital devices. I'm trying to only have vertical scrolling and thinking about people with smaller mobile phones who will probably hold their phone in landscape orientation. Hence each of my panels will be landscape.

This article on Tapastic makes a lot of sense to me:

http://tapastic.com/episode/68726

Anyway I've gone on enough now - thanks again for the feedback guys. Smoke me a kipper.

SamRoads
09-24-2015, 01:13 PM
Snyder's STC is probably my favourite book. I don't agree with all of it, but there is so much thought distilled into those eight chapters that it bears constant rereading.

I think your cat saving page looks forced, as it has little to do with the story. Snyder's example from Aladdin shows how a good cat saving flows from the story.

Writing for digital devices does require an extra set of decisions. If you're going to do that, your repeated format makes sense. (ref: FreakAngels, Warren Ellis, every page identical format) It means you have to work harder to be interesting, given you are passing up all the interest which comics offer in terms of panel layouts.

KevinLeeMcDougall
09-30-2015, 10:36 AM
A nice read. I can't really add anything other than what's already been said. I really like the panel descriptions, both versions of the script. I really don't know what else to add.

Artloader
09-30-2015, 06:03 PM
Hey Kevin, thanks for taking a look guy. I will be updating the script again at some point with a few lessons I've learned recently. It's a bit slow going because I'm alternating between writing and art work.

Artloader
11-17-2015, 06:43 PM
This is my third draft of this script. I have taken out my saving the hedgehog part and also added in some telepathic dialogue. Critiques would be gratefully received thanks.



Page 1

Panel 1:
It is dusk. The planetary rings are visible in the purple cloud-streaked sky. Captain Sylen Benevolen is standing on a cliff edge with Iyeon, his winged black panther. Helmet in hand, he is gazing across a mist filled abyss at the Dark Temple of Mymosule. There is a green moth on his shoulder.

Panel 2:
Inside, Lady Umia is being carried down a corridor in a cage by the black garbed acolytes of Mymosule. Lighting is provided by wooden torches. The acolytes are armed with daggers and rifles. On a wall, a green moth is watching.

Acolytes (chanting): Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule
Green moth (telepathically): Lady Umia is in danger, we need to help her quickly Sylen.

Panel 3:
Back outside on the cliff, Benevolen has donned his helmet and is climbing onto his winged panther.

Benevolen (telepathically): On our way.




Page 2

Panel 1:
Benevolen is flying on Iyeon out towards the tower with the swarm of moths flanking them like huge bat wings. The mist is swirling in their wake.

Panel 2:
Inside the Dark Temple, the acolytes carrying Lady Umia have entered a circular, black altar chamber with a stone table at it's centre. The table has metal manacles bolted to it. At one end of the table is a stand holding a curved black dagger. There are around 100 acolytes surrounding the raised altar. There are no windows and the only light comes from wooden torches on the walls and on 2 torch stands at the altar.

Panel 3:
Elsewhere in the Dark Temple, two acolytes armed with rifles are patrolling a torch-lit corridor.




Page 3

Panel 1:
The patrol enters a high-ceilinged, corridor. There is a ledge above and behind them.

Panel 2:
The stone wall above and behind the patrol seems to be peeling away to reveal Benevolen and Iyeon as the chameleon-like moths that have been covering them disperse towards the flaming torches in the corridor. Benevolen's head and shoulders are visible and Iyeon's piercing green eyes are visible amidst the dark muscular mass that is his frame.

Benevolen (telepathically): Extinguish the torches.

Panel 3:
The moths have smothered a couple of the torches, it is a little darker. Benevolen and Iyeon have launched themselves off the ledge and are about to come crashing down on the two unsuspecting acolytes.




Page 4

Panel 1:
Back in the altar chamber, Lady Umia's cage has been set down next to the stone table. There are two large acolytes on either side of the cage. Kopath the High Priest of Mymosule is holding the dagger up above his head. A green moth is flying into the cage.

Kopath: Behold the dagger of Mymosule!

Panel 2:
Lady Umia is holding out the back of her hand and the green moth has landed upon it. A slight smile plays on her lips.

Panel 3:
The cage is open and the two large acolytes have grabbed Lady Umia by the wrists and are pulling her towards the stone table.

Kopath: You should feel honoured young woman. There is no greater reward than to be offered to Lord Mymosule!
Lady Umia: No!




Page 5

Panel 1:
At the entrance to the altar chamber swarms of moths are spewing forth from the darkened chamber beyond. The moths are heading towards the flaming torches in the altar chamber.

Panel 2:
A swarm of moths have smothered a torch, it now emits nothing more than a faint orange glow. There is still light from the other torches in the chamber.

Panel 3:
At the stone table, two swarms of moths have covered the torches on either side. The acolytes are looking bewildered. Lady Umia is smiling.

Kopath: What is this?




Page 6

Panel 1:
The whole altar chamber is now dark except for the faint orange glowing embers on some of the torches.

Panel 2:
It is pretty close to pitch black in the chamber now.
Iyeon: ROOAAAAARRR!
SFX: CRASH!
Random acolyte: Aaieeeeee!

Panel 3:
One of the acolytes starts shooting. The flash from his gun illuminates a small area and we can see that he has hit one of his own kind. In the near distance Iyeon carrying Benevolen appears as a large shadow above the acolytes, swooping towards the centre of the chamber.

SFX: BLAM
Wounded acolyte: Aaaargh!