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Hathor422
04-09-2015, 07:55 PM
The Mission

Visible Characters:

Kierra Thibodeaux: 21, African-American. Athletic build and has shoulder-length dreadlocks.

Darque/David: Human appearance is that of a mixed race (African American/Whatever artist decides) male in his early 20s. Short cropped hair, chiseled body. His alien appearance is up to the artist as long as he's humanoid and not insectoid.


Page One (6 Panels)

Panel One: We are in what appears to be the bedroom of a frat house.
We can see two twin beds, sports equipment scattered here and there, a large poster with three Greek letters on it, as well as a desk with a single chair. On the desk there is a laptop and a covered, Styrofoam, takeout container. There is no door that we can see. High on one wall we can see a circular speaker embedded in it. Seated on the side of the bed closest to us is KIERRA. Dressed in jeans, a dark tank top, and no shoes, she is facing us and has her head resting in her hands in a manner that prevents us from seeing her face. The light source is directly above her in the form of a light fixture that we can’t see.

CAPTION: Somewhere near Carolina Coastal College, Myrtle Beach, SC.

KIERRA: *Groan* Oh, jeez...what was in that last drink?

KIERRA: My head is killing me, and--

Panel Two: This is a shoulder-up view of Kierra. She has lifted her head and she looks completely shocked.

KIERRA: This isn’t my room.

Panel Three: Kierra is now standing next to the bed. There are motion lines to convey the quick action.

KIERRA: This isn’t my--Door?!

KIERRA: Where’s the goddamn door?!

Panel Four: This is an overhead view that lets us see the entire room. There are three faded images of Kierra as she darts from one wall to the other, running her hands along them looking for a door and a solid image of her standing at the last wall, her fist pounding against it. This is the wall that has the speaker in it. There are motion lines to convey the actions.

KIERRA: Ok, Omegas, hah-hah, you got me--Joke’s over!

KIERRA: What the hell did you do with the door?!

KIERRA: I can see the speaker, so I know you hear me!

KIERRA (BURST): Open the damn door!

SFX: WHAM WHAM WHAM

Panel Five: We are looking directly at the circular speaker.

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): Please refrain from beating on the walls, Ms. Thibodeaux. I can assure you, there is no way out.

Panel 6: We are looking at a waist-up view of Kierra. Her fists are resting on either hip and she is shouting at the speaker.

KIERRA: Yeah--Well, I can assure you that I’m gonna kick your ass every way humanly possible the moment I get my hands on you!

KIERRA: I’m a black belt in four disciplines, so that’s not an idle threat!

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): I’m afraid it is-- as I would have to be human for you to make good on your threats.

Page Two (6 Panels)

Panel One: Waist-up view of Kierra. One hand is hanging limply at her side and she’s got one hand in the hair at her temple. She looks confused and scared.

KIERRA (MUMBLE): Not human…bullshit.

KIERRA: This is some weird, rush week, hazing-thingy...or I’m being punk'd...or on Scared--

Panel Two: We are looking down at Kierra and can see most of the room. The walls and floor are now smooth and dark-metallic in appearance, one bed is gone and the bed that Kierra was on is now an exam table. The only thing that didn’t change is the desk and its contents, and the speaker in the wall. Kierra looks terrified.

SFX: FFWWZZZZZZZZ

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): This is the reality of your situation and it is not a television show.

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): We have been watching you for quite some time, Kierra, and are pleased to finally have you with us.

Panel Three: Side view of Kierra as she bangs her fist against the wall under the speaker. There are faded images and motion lines around her fist to convey the action.

KIERRA: HELP! Please, anybody!

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): You’re a fairly intelligent example of your species…

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): ...So I think it goes without saying--theatrics will get you nowhere.

Panel Four: Kierra is looking towards the desk and its contents with a puzzled expression. This is view that allows us to still see the speaker on the wall.

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): If you will direct your gaze to the desk...it has been thirty-six hours since your arrival…

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): ...We have research on your eating habits and have prepared you an appropriate breakfast.

KIERRA: Seriously?

Panel Five: We are looking at a close view of Kierra’s bare feet. The metallic floor beneath her feet is glowing blue and there are sparks of electricity shooting into the air near her. Kierra’s feet are a few inches off of the ground and there are motion lines to show that she jumped.

SFX: KAAZZART

KIERRA: DAFUCK?!

KIERRA: Ow wow wow--that hurts!

Panel Six: This is a rear view of Kierra. She is in the process of heading toward the desk.

KIERRA: You didn’t have to do that.

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): We take your health very seriously...now if you don’t mind.

KIERRA: Fine--I’m going!


Page Three (6 Panels)

Panel One: Using Kierra’s POV we are looking down at the open takeout container as she holds it open. Its filled with bacon.

KIERRA: You obviously aren’t too concerned because I’m going to have a coronary with meals like this.

MARTIQ (ELECTRONIC VOICE-COMING FROM SPEAKER): Humans love pork. Please consume your--

SFX (COMING FROM SPEAKER): WHACK THONK

Panel Two: We are looking at the wall beneath the speaker. There is a body-sized opening in the wall that looks like molten metal around the edges.

SFX: WRRRRRRR

DARQUE (COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE OPENING): Kierra!

Panel Three: Inset into panel Four. This is a close-up of Kierra as she screams with terror.

KIERRA: AAHHHHHH!

Panel Four: We are looking directly at Darque, who has both hands held out in an effort to calm Kierra down. Darque is shirtless, wearing loose cargo pants, and has leather bracers inlaid with intricate gold symbols, on each arm. They look both alien and ancient at the same time.

*NOTE TO ARTIST: Feel free to make up the design for the alien race, as long as they are humanoid and not insect looking.

DARQUE: Wait--WAIT!

DARQUE: I’ve come to get you out of here!

Panel Five: This is an angled, rear view of Kierra as she faces Darque. They are about ten feet apart and she thrown the container of bacon at him. The container is hanging in the air between them, and there is bacon flying everywhere. Darque still has his hands held out in an effort to calm her down.

KIERRA: Stay the hell away from me!

DARQUE: Kierra, you don’t understand!

DARQUE: It’s me, Da--

Panel Six: We are looking directly at Kierra. She is in the process of executing a spinning roundhouse kick. Her foot looks like it’s flying right at us.

KIERRA: KI-YAAAH!


Page Four (7 Panels)

Panel One: Angled, rear view. We are behind Kierra as she faces Darque. Darque has strips of bacon stuck to him in various places. He’s caught Kierra’s foot and is frowning.

DARQUE: I can’t believe you threw bacon at me, Kiki.

KIERRA: Kiki?

KIERRA: Nobody calls me that but my boyfriend.

Panel Two: We are looking at a shoulder-up bust view of Darque. He looks apprehensive.

DARQUE: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you...I’m David.

KIERRA: Bullshit.

DARQUE: I can explain everything, but you’ve got to promise not to attack me.

Panel Three: Slightly angled side view of Darque and Kierra as they face one another. Kierra has two fingers in the air. Darque has both hands held up and is pointing at one of the bracers.

KIERRA: You’ve got two minutes.

DARQUE: I only need two seconds.

Panel Four: We are looking directly at Darque who is sporting a sad smile. His left hand is clutching the right bracer. There is a shimmering haze surrounding him and now he looks completely human.

DARQUE: My name is Darque and I am next in line to lead the Fhuwahe after my father dies.

DARQUE: My people have been on this planet for almost a decade...planning...

KIERRA: I don’t like the sound of that.

Panel Five: Slightly angled, front view of Darque, who has turned away from Kierra. He is reaching back for her hand and looks very worried.

DARQUE: You shouldn’t…

DARQUE: ...Martiq will wake soon and we need to be far away from this facility by then.

KIERRA: Two sentences an answer does not make--Can you wait a minute?

Panel Six: We are looking past an extreme close-up of the right ride of Darque’s face, at Kierra. She’s wearing a blank expression and one hand is extended as she reaches for him.

DARQUE: No I can’t, not if you want to live. And fyi, I hate Yoda...In case you haven’t noticed, I talk in complete sentences.

KIERRA: Fine, you’re not a fan--at least tell me where we are.

DARQUE: Still on campus, underneath the old women’s dorm.

Panel Seven - Inset into panel six: This is a close-up of Darque’s head and neck. His head is twisted back in an impossible angle making it obvious that his neck is broken. Kierra’s hands are clutching the sides of his head. There are faded images and motion lines to further convey the breaking of his neck.

SFX: SNAP



Page Six (2 Panels)

Panel One - We are looking at Kierra who is kneeling on one knee next to Darque’s body. The human illusion is gone. Kierra has her hands on one bracer and is in the act of taking it off. The other bracer is already off and next to her foot.

KIERRA: Alright, Dad, I’ve got the bracers and if our research is correct, you should be getting my transmission.

DAD (COMING FROM THE BRACER): …

KIERRA: Dad are you there?

DAD (COMING FROM THE BRACER): Yes. Reading you loud and clear. Did you have any problems getting out?

KIERRA: For a minute I thought that my acting had blown my cover…

KIERRA: ...I’m not that good at playing ‘damsel in distress’...

Panel Two: We are looking at a full body view of Kierra. She’s now standing, has tears in her eyes and running down her face, and is clutching the bracers close to her heart. Behind her we can see Darque’s body.

KIERRA: ...My biggest headache was the waiting game. I was beginning to wish for a chainsaw to use on the walls...but David came through.

DAD (COMING FROM THE BRACER): Just like you said...he...must have really loved you to betray his people...are you ok?

KIERRA: Dad, I’m a soldier and this was a mission…

KIERRA (MUMBLES): ...I’m offended that you even had to ask.

Schuyler
04-14-2015, 05:22 PM
This one feels like a preview of something bigger.

I am left wondering some things.

Why were the aliens watching Kierra?

Who is Kierra, that she is killing Alien princes by breaking their necks? This is a serious question. I believe she is a badass, but I am left wondering how she got that way.

What was the mission? To kill the prince? To locate their secret base? Both?

The end of the story feels like the beginning. This mysterious badass just killed an alien prince, and she must work for some sort of MIB deal.

I don't think this was a bad story, but it feels incomplete. Just some thoughts.

-Sky

Hathor422
04-15-2015, 07:26 PM
This one feels like a preview of something bigger.

I am left wondering some things.

Why were the aliens watching Kierra?

Who is Kierra, that she is killing Alien princes by breaking their necks? This is a serious question. I believe she is a badass, but I am left wondering how she got that way.

What was the mission? To kill the prince? To locate their secret base? Both?

The end of the story feels like the beginning. This mysterious badass just killed an alien prince, and she must work for some sort of MIB deal.

I don't think this was a bad story, but it feels incomplete. Just some thoughts.

-Sky



Thanks for taking the time to read my script. I share your thoughts on the script. I was a bit worried about it not feeling complete. I almost scrapped it and started over, but decided to run with it anyway.

I may come back to it somewhere down the line and expand it, I may not.