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Lord Herakles
04-08-2015, 07:20 PM
Here it is. I will submit this to the Proving Grounds as well.

Characters:

Petrovsky - The narrator of the story, the human ambassador who negotiated the peace between the human race and the aliens

Agnes - The hero of the story, the pig that became the bacon meal that settled peace between Earth and the alien race

Lucky - The hero's best friend

Farmer Bob - One of two main antagonists, owner of the farm

Jeffrey - Secondary antagonist, cruel farmhand

Lexi - Bob's daughter, innocent child who tries in vain to protect the pigs

Lupinians – The aliens, resemble wolf-like creatures

Page 1:

Panel 1: Petrovsky sitting at a circular table across from alien ambassadors. On the table between them are plates full of bacon. More humans and aliens can be seen in the background smiling and shaking hands.

Caption:
From the personal journal of Ambassador Petrovsky of Earth

Narrator:
They’re calling it the ultimate victory of diplomacy.

After hours of intense negotiation, I have finally been able to make peace between the people of Earth and the Lupinians, these visitors from another world.

They’re calling me a hero, having brought decades of conflict to an end. But someone else deserves that title far more than I do.

Panel 2: The two pigs, covered in filth, behind rusted metal bars

Narrator:
Her name was Agnes. She was raised on Farmer Bob’s farm, along with her best friend Lucky.

Page 2:

Panel 1: Same as last panel of previous page, but pigs are newborns.

Narrator:
She was brought into this world in a cage, where she and Lucky lived their entire lives.

Panel 2: Jeffrey is raising a hand to strike Agnes, while Farmer Bob looks on in the background

Narrator:
She never understood why the farmers beat her. All she ever wanted was to be treated with gentleness and affection.

Panel 3: Lexi is gently petting Agnes. Bob is approaching from behind

Narrator:
Lexi, Farmer Bob’s daughter, took pity on her, but she was powerless to prevent her father’s cruelty.

Lexi:
Its okay, Aggie, I'm here...

Bob:
Lexi, get away from it! Jeffrey, get back over here and beat that thing!

Panel 4: Bob is scolding Lexi, while in the background Jeffrey is beating Agnes.

Bob:
You listen to me, young lady. You gotta stop talking to those creatures!

Lexi:
But papa, they hurt and I feel bad...

Bob:
God, you gotta stop treatin’ these things like they actually got feelings... They’re just fucking pigs!

Page 3:

Panel 1: There is a fence in the background. There is a hole in the fence big enough for a pig to crawl through, and Lucky is standing in front of it. In the foreground, Agnes’ face can be seen looking at her friend.

Narrator:
One day, Lucky escaped from the farm. Agnes wanted to warn him not to go, but Lucky went before she had the chance.

Panel 2: Lucky is now on the other side of the fence, walking away from the farm. In the background, also on the outside of the fence, is Jeffrey, walking towards Lucky carrying a chainsaw.

Narrator:
Unfortunately, Lucky was followed. Jeffrey couldn't wait to test his new birthday present from Bob.

Panel 3: Jeffrey close-up front view. With a maniacal expression on his face, he is thrusting the chainsaw towards the lower left side of the camera view (where Lucky presumably is, though he is standing outside the camera view and doesn't actually appear in the panel). Blood is spraying from that direction.

Jeffrey:
Runin' away, huh? Try to run from Ol’ Toothy, bitch! HA HA HA HA!

Panel 4: Camera view from the ground some distance from the fence, pointing toward Agnes. She is standing near the hole Lucky escaped from earlier, looking at the ground in the foreground, where Lucky's blood is splattered. Lexi is visible in the background, further in the distance behind the fence, watching Agnes.

Narrator:
Agnes could only watch in horror as the chainsaw ripped through her friend, sending pieces of him flying in every direction.

Panel 5: Now at night, Agnes is walking through the hole in the fence.

Narrator:
Later that night, Agnes made a fateful decision.

Page 4:

Panel 1: Agnes walking away and Jeffrey chasing her with his chainsaw. The farm is now only visible in the distance. Also, faintly visible in the background, Lexi is following both of them.

Narrator:
Agnes knew that Jeffrey was following her as she escaped the farm, but that was exactly what she wanted.

Jeffrey:
Get back here! Ol’ Toothy’s hungry!

Panel 2: There is a road. Agnes is standing on one side, Jeffrey on the other. Agnes is stationary, looking across the road at Jeffrey, while he is walking across the road. In the background, further down the road, a semi truck can be seen approaching Jeffrey. Lexi is also still visible in the distance (not on the road, but beside it).

Narrator:
She would have smiled if pigs had the ability. Jeffrey was so fixated on his prey, so consumed by his bloodlust, that he was blind to the approaching danger.

Jeffrey:
Damn you, little vermin! Ol’ Toothy’s gonna eat you up…

Sound effect (from the truck):
HONK!

Panel 3: The truck is hitting Jeffrey, blood is spraying everywhere.

Sound effect:
SPLAT!

Panel 4: Bird’s eye view of the scene. Agnes is still standing in the same spot, Jeffrey’s mangled corpse is strewn across the road in front of her, and the truck is pulled over on the side of the road. Lexi is still seen in the distance.

Narrator:
Lexi was watching the whole time. Later, I spoke with her. She told me everything that had happened between Agnes, Lucky, and Jeffrey.

Page 5:

Panel 1: Back at the farm. In the center is Agnes, flanked by several farmhands, and to the right is Petrovsky, examining the pig. To the left is Lexi, looking in horror at Petrovsky.

Narrator:
She told me how the other farmhands came and took Agnes back to the farm. How they presented the pig to me. And how the little girl’s blood ran cold at the sight of me, because she knew what I was there for.

Panel 2: The farmhands are taking Agnes away. Petrovsky is walking with them. Lexi is crying and reaching desperately toward Agnes, while her father holds her back.

Narrator:
I remember what I thought when I first saw Agnes. Healthy, plump, the perfect dinner for the peace negotiations. I never stopped to think what was being taken away from poor little Lexi. She cried endlessly when they took the pig away to be put down.

Panel 3: Close-up of one of the plates of bacon on the table from the beginning scene

Narrator:
So here she is. Lexi’s little Aggie. Cut up into thin slices of bacon.

Panel 4: Close-up of one of the alien ambassadors at the table eating a piece of bacon

Narrator:
The Lupinians love her. She’s delicious. In death, Aggie has ended the war and potentially saved billions of human lives.

Panel 5: Close-up of Petrovsky staring mournfully at a plate of bacon in front of him

Narrator:
And yet I can only feel guilt. I was the one who picked the dinner, who condemned Aggie to death. I can try to tell myself that the negotiations might not have been so successful without this peace offering of bacon, but I can’t help but ask myself:

Was intergalactic peace worth Aggie’s life?

Caption:
The End


I have some ideas for a follow-up story, if anyone is interested.

Schuyler
04-14-2015, 12:08 PM
Hey, Lord Herakles. I noticed that you did not meet the criteria of "At least 200 words of spoken dialogue". I have not counted on my own script. so I may not have either. Just thought I would point it out.

Lord Herakles
04-16-2015, 03:21 AM
I assumed Petrovsky's narration would count towards that, since it's in the first person. He is speaking to the reader.

If not, then I apologize.

Schuyler
04-16-2015, 10:39 AM
I assumed Petrovsky's narration would count towards that, since it's in the first person. He is speaking to the reader.

If not, then I apologize.

It does not count because it is from his journal. If he was telling the story to someone else, you could make the narration count.

Do you eat meat? I do. I raised a pig once and took it the slaughterhouse.

You might already know this, but you would never slaughter an animal with a chainsaw. It's too loud and they would see it coming. If they see it coming, adrenaline can get released and make the meat taste gamy.

I like your script, but in the end, when you ask the question, I feel cheated. I might be cold-hearted, but my answer is an unflinching, yes. I would kill a dozen Aggies to feed the aliens.

-Sky

Lord Herakles
04-16-2015, 05:22 PM
It does not count because it is from his journal. If he was telling the story to someone else, you could make the narration count.

I'm very sorry then. I didn't realize. In my defense, it is hard to have a whole lot of dialogue in a story where the main character is a pig. I suppose I could say that Petrovsky was dictating his diary entries.

You might already know this, but you would never slaughter an animal with a chainsaw. It's too loud and they would see it coming. If they see it coming, adrenaline can get released and make the meat taste gamy.

That's partly because I had to put a chainsaw in there somehow, but it was also to emphasize how cruelly the farmers treat the animals. It makes the payoff of Jeffrey getting hit by the truck that much more satisfying.

my answer is an unflinching, yes

That's why it's a question at the end. I'm not trying to preach here. I'm not shoving it down your throat that what Petrovsky did was the wrong thing to do. The character himself is regretful of his actions, but if the reader feels differently, that's his/her own choice to make.

The real message of the story, if there really is or should be one, is that every action has consequences. Petrovsky could have picked a different pig, even a different type of animal. This would have spared Lexi the pain of losing an animal she cared so much about. But another animal would have died instead, and perhaps another little girl that cared so much about that one. If not Aggie the pig, then maybe Bill the cow, killed for his delicious beef.

Different actions, different consequences. But not matter what, we have to live with our choices, as Petrovsky does.

And yes, I love pork and bacon.