View Full Version : Writing Challenge 3

Steven Forbes
03-28-2015, 01:12 AM
Okay, folks!

It's been a little bit, so we're probably all rested and ready for another script writing challenge.

So, the rules:

Cannot be longer than 5 pages
Must have an alien (take this as you wish)
One page must have 2 or less panels on it
There must be at least 200 words of spoken dialogue
Bacon must be an object
Chainsaw must be in the spoken dialogue

This challenge ends on 4/4/15

Ask questions in this thread.

Let's have some fun!

03-28-2015, 02:47 AM
Bacon must be an object

Does Kevin Bacon count?

Steven Forbes
03-28-2015, 02:48 AM
(And thus start the jokes...)

03-28-2015, 03:13 AM
For the record, I'm definitely using Kevin Bacon, so let me know if he doesn't count.

Steven Forbes
03-28-2015, 03:55 AM
I believe in being broad.

Kevin Bacon counts.

03-28-2015, 09:50 PM
Kevin Bacon and a chainsaw....hmmm?

Stewart Vernon
03-29-2015, 12:31 AM
What if the character was named Kevin Bacon, and is himself a pig? Would that be like extra bacon? ;)

Comics Commando
03-30-2015, 02:35 PM
Sounds like fun, SF, wish I had time to whip something up. Looking forward to seeing what you guys come up with.

Kurt Hathaway
Cartoon Balloons Studio
Lettering • Logos • Pre-Press • Graphic Design • Video
for Print or Web • Entertainment, Advertising or Education!



Steven Forbes
03-30-2015, 09:03 PM
Thanks, Kurt!

The first one was a success. I had lots of fun with it.

Hopefully, this one will be just as fun.

Duane Korslund
03-31-2015, 08:42 AM
I'm giving this a go, but I'm crazy sick so we shall see if I can finish it :(

Lord Herakles
04-01-2015, 04:11 PM
Quick question, where do I post the finished script? Also, if I do the narration in the first person as entries from a diary, does that count towards the 200 words of spoken dialogue?

Steven Forbes
04-01-2015, 07:10 PM
You post the story in a new thread here.

I'm pretty sure the answer to the second question speaks for itself.

And, just to make sure of it: you are part of the reason the slush pile is so big--unable to follow simple directions.

04-02-2015, 03:39 AM
I thought I'd try something a bit more serious this time.

It didn't work out. Here's something stupid.

PAGE ONE (four panels)

Panel 1. Daytime. Establishing shot of an average office building in a small city. There is a sign in front of the building.

Environmental Protection Agency

Panel 2. Inside a large office. There is a desk in the middle of the room. The desk has a few neat piles of papers on it. At the front of the desk is a nameplate. There is a chair on the opposite side of the desk. There is poster of wetlands on the wall at the back of the room. Mr. Amp (Swamp Thing) is sitting at the desk, hunched forward, sorting through the papers. He is wearing glasses and a tie and is holding a pen in one hand and looks bored.

Keep the wetlands clean.

S. W. Amp

SFX(knocking on a door, should be quick and frantic):

Come in.

Panel 3. Over Amp's shoulder. Across the room is a glass wall with a door in the middle. Kevin Bacon has hurried through the door. He is glancing over his shoulder, a panicked expression on his face. The cubicle-filled office can be seen through the glass. The cubicles contain various movie monsters (have fun with it), all of whom are wearing business attire.

Ah, Mr. Bacon. I've been expecting you.

Panel 4. Side view of Amp's office. Amp is writing on the papers. Kevin Bacon, startled, has pressed his back against the now-closed door.


Please, have a seat.
PAGE TWO (five panels)

Panel 1. Over Amp's shoulder. Amp has picked up some of the papers and is looking at them. Kevin is nervously moving to the chair opposite Amp.

I had a brief chat with you're agent the other day. You're here in order to research a role, correct?

Y-yes. Yes, that's right.

Panel 2. Amp is leaning back in his chair. He has put the papers down with one hand and is removing his glasses with the other. Kevin is starting to sit down in the chair.

I must say, I admire your passion. Not many would be willing to go through such lengths.

T-thank you.

Panel 3. Amp is wiping his glasses with his tie.

However, while I admire your work ethic, you must understand that this is a place of business.

I can't have your presence here become a distraction.

Panel 4. Amp is putting his glasses back on. Kevin Bacon is sitting rigidly in his chair.

D-don't worry. I'll do my best not to get in your way.

I'm glad to here it.

Panel 5. Over Amp's shoulder. Kevin, startled, has jumped in his chair. Mary has opened the door to the office. Mary is Bloody Mary, so make her look like whatever you think Bloody Mary would look like.

I have that report you asked for, Mr. Amp.

Ah, yes. Very good.
PAGE THREE (four panels)

Panel 1. Side view of the office. Amp is hunched over his desk looking down at some papers on his desk. Mary is walking over to Amp, holding a manila folder. Kevin is watching Mary in disbelief.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering what it is we do here.

Panel 2. Mary is handing the folder to Amp. Amp is reaching out to take the folder as he is writing something with his other hand.

As you may have guessed--thank you, Mary--we work here to establish regulations with the intent to protect our environment.

Panel 3. Kevin is looking over his shoulder at Mary. Mary is walking past Kevin, giving him a warm smile as she passes by.

However, our methods of enforcement have changed slightly since the old days.

Panel 4. Amp is looking through the papers in the folder. He is adjusted his glasses and is holding the folder at arms length, as if he is having trouble reading it. Kevin is leaning back in his chair, a bit uneasy.

Instead of relying on inefficient methods, such as fines and the like, we've adopted more effective practices.

What kind of practices?
PAGE FOUR (four panels)

Panel 1. Over Amp's shoulder. Kevin has jumped in his chair. Jason Voorhees has entered the office.

Yo, boss. I just got a call from the people down at the lake.

They're sayin' there're a bunch'a teens tryin' to make a camp or somethin'

Panel 2. Close-up of Kevin looking over his shoulder, confused.


Guess so.

Panel 3. Amp has placed the open folder on his desk and is writing in it.

Anyway, I'm headin' out to go take care of it.

Very well.

Panel 4. Side shot of the office. Amp is moving the folder with one hand and is grabbing another pile of papers with the other. Kevin, alarmed, has quickly turned to face Amp. Use motion lines. The back half of Jason can be seen leaving the office.

Make sure you take the chainsaw this time.
PAGE FIVE (one panel)

Panel 1. Kevin is in a typical office break room. There are a few round tables, vending machines against the right wall, and a a water cooler in the back of the room. He is huddled over and is holding his cellphone close to his ear, as if he is trying to hide it. In the background, Freddy Krueger, Predator, and Frankenstein.

I don't care what you tell them! I don't want it anymore!

...and she's all “why are you doing this?!”

Ha ha ha ha ha

Steven Forbes
04-03-2015, 07:32 AM
Alright, folks. Here's what I'm going to do:

Someone asked me to extend the due date because they wish to particape. So, I'm going to extend it to 4/11. One week.

If I get six entries, I'll participate myself.

If I get five of those six entries as TPG entries, I'll also submit mine for TPG review.

How's that for incentive?

One more week, folks. Let's see 'em!

Stewart Vernon
04-03-2015, 08:12 PM
The extension helps... I was going to scramble to get something in under the original deadline just because I need and want the practice, but I'd rather actually take some time and improve a little. I haven't had much time to put into it this week, so it would have been a rush job.

04-03-2015, 09:40 PM
The extension helps... I was going to scramble to get something in under the original deadline just because I need and want the practice, but I'd rather actually take some time and improve a little. I haven't had much time to put into it this week, so it would have been a rush job.


04-06-2015, 06:16 PM
I saw this too late! I wanted to participate, you should have sent me a PM or email, Steven! :(

04-07-2015, 09:15 AM
I saw this too late! I wanted to participate, you should have sent me a PM or email, Steven! :(

You have until Saturday, Josh.

04-09-2015, 11:48 AM
Steven, you said to post the scripts in new thread, but last time we posted them all to the same thread.

Is that really what you meant?

Steven Forbes
04-09-2015, 12:18 PM
I'd rather a new thread, but they can be posted here. I'm not overly particular.

04-10-2015, 10:51 PM
Hey, Steven.

I am going to submit, but probably not until the evening tomorrow. I am only letting you know in case you are still waiting for the six entries.

04-11-2015, 07:50 AM
I'm submitting too, but I'm gonna be late. Yes, even with the extension (sorry Steven).

This is why I don't aspire to write for the big 2. Unless they can pay me enough to ditch my freelancing, I suck with deadlines. ;D

Kiyoko, Rin
04-11-2015, 11:32 PM

Page 1 (7 panels)

Close up of a burger, the top off, so both halves balance on Patterson’s hand. The burger’s made of pork mince of such a loose binding that the strands look like a grey-pink brain. His other hand holds aloft a rasher of bacon. The overhead strip lighting leaves everything in soft lighting and a dream-like focus. (Like Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut.)

See this, right here? Gold dust.

See, before Emperor Patties, the problem with pork was that over two billion people wouldn’t eat it. Kashrut; halal. Called it a filthy animal.

See, pigs don’t sweat, so in desert countries where there’s no spare water, you know how they were rumoured to have cooled off the swine?

We’re looking at three men in a semi-circle, their backs to us, we’re seeing them from their waists down as they pee onto a pig in front of them.

No way they’re gonna eat man-soaked meat, savvy? Then we came along. Empero’ Patties.

We g’engineered their digestion, so the pigs chewed their own puke to become ruminants. We bred cannibalism out of them so they wouldn’t “die of themself”.

We joined up their hooves ‘cos, for people in that part of the world...

We see pictures of a pig resting its head on its forelegs so that its split hooves are clearly visible, a camel doing the same, and a woman, seen from the waist down who, despite wearing either a robe or a loose skirt, has a very clinging camel toe.

CAPTION (Patterson):
“... if it’s all slit, you gotta repress it.”

Wide shot. A shadow falls onto the table at which Patterson (male, clean shaven, well dressed in a futuristic version of a suit) is biting into the burger with relish (the emotion. Not the condiment). We can’t see who’s across the table from him, we can see the blinds on the full length window to Patterson’s left. We’re inside what looks like a cross between a diner and a ship’s mess. There are empty, bolted-down tables and benches in the background. Have other things beside the burger on the table (utensils / decorations).

Superior pork, raised in a protected environment and cooked to mind bending recipes. So good, everyone eats it – the Jews and the Mu’s…



A “waiter’s” arm (in a long, white sleeve) encroaches from panel left holding a tray with a wide (see panel x) mug, full of black coffee, and what should appear to be a cheese tray (but is actually this). Patterson recoils from the “waiter”, looking terrified.

We cracked the market, left our competition in piece--

PATTERSON (burst):

<And now you want to expand?>

Looking over Tehart’s shoulder (draw Tehart as alien as you want, though bearing in mind page 3 panel 1, it should have a sturdy design, possibly an exoskeleton, and it needs at least one limb). Patterson, rattled, stares towards panel left.

<Emperor Patterson? I asked you a question.>

Patterson, still looking a little wary, now stands before the blinds. He holds the draw cord in his hands.

R-right, Tehart, of course we’re looking to expand.

T-the Emper’’ Patties franchise has spread to all four corners, but if he worked for us, Alexander the Great would weep no longer, because…

Page 2 (2 panels)

The “waiter” (bald, wearing a white coat with black tubing coming out of the breast pocket, black trousers, and headband-less swimming goggles) frowns at panel left. Tehart – alien appearance now revealed – sits on the near side of the table. Patterson stands with his arms down, pulling taut the draw cord that has raised the blinds. Through the full-length window, we see a starfield, with two suns at either side of the glass, (one much smaller than the other) and a planet with an atmosphere in between. Three points to note: 1) fierce sunlight streams through the window, changing the lighting from soft to hard, thickening the shadows, and dispelling the dreamy mood. 2) These streaming photons streak horizontally across the interior (see page 4 panel 5, fading the background tables so that they appear to be disappearing. 3) Whatever decorations were on Patterson’s table will start vanishing, one per panel from now on (not the burger or mug).

“WAITER”: (Note to letterer: the photons should make his words unreadable)

… there are more worlds to conquer.

Either an inset or a full panel (your choice), but Tehart’s face should be dead centre of the panel (or inset) that’s at the dead centre of the bottom of the page. Tehart should be lit and poised in a way that makes it look threatening.

<You speak of, and seek, expansion. But growth in this hemisphere can prove malignant.>

Page 3 (6 panels)

Looking along the table, and along Tehart’s palm (or claw, or sucker, or…) as it gestures towards the window and outer space.

<Two suns. A class 124 planet, itself a failed sun. Many moons.>

<Gravity presses in from all sides, more than you are used to.>

Seen from Tehart’s side of the table, Patterson’s face is dead centre and very agitated, possibly mid twitch or contorted. We need to see that he’s 75% fully lowered the blinds and still holds the draw cord (it doesn’t matter if this makes the cord seem absurdly long). So, to get both the tabletop and the window, and still have him in the centre, Patterson may need to be stooping, ready to take his seat? Note: the lighting is still – and will continue to be – as harsh as on page 2, despite the nearly closed blinds.

<“Blood pools at the feet. Struggles to reach the ears. Under those G-Forces…>

CAPTION (TEHART): (Note: these captions to be near Patterson’s left ear)
<“… tinnitus, sounding like words…>
<“… entire conversations’ worth…>

CAPTION (TEHART): (Note: these captions to be near Patterson’s right ear)
<“… anoxia, in the brain causes…>
<“… delirium. Hallucinations.”>

Over the “waiter’s” shoulder or head, or his subjective point of view (up to you), from the side the table facing the (covered) window. He holds a clipboard and pen in the foreground. At the table, Patterson is leaning forwards, head in his hands. His closest forearm should block most of our view of the coffee mug. Tehart leans forward, mouth (if it has one) near Patterson’s skull. The horizontal photon streaks from page 2 have now been joined by faint, incomplete vertical lines, as if a grided wall is developing behind Patterson (see page 4 panel 5).

TEHART (tailless):
<The brain’s survival mechanism snaps in, will go to any lengths to protect itself.>

Mickey? Mickey Perry Patterson? Can you hear me? How are you feeling?

No, not him. I’m CEO of Empe’’’ Patties, the best burger fast food chain in the galaxy.

From the same vantage point as the last panel, now “waiter” has extended the clipboard towards Patterson, at an angle where we can’t see what’s on top of it. Patterson has lowered his closest forearm and stares casually at the clipboard. The reflection we see in the coffee, however, has wild, bloodshot eyes and has fierce stubble. Tehart stares at Patterson. The wall behind Patterson is more defined than the last panel.

TEHART (tailless):
<We have clinically assessed, observed, evaluated your activities…>

Alright, Emperor, why don’t you…

Looking along the table from the window-end. Tehart still looks at Patterson; Patteron recoils from the clipboard (which has a burger on top, with a pill where the meat should be) that “waiter” extends. The black tubing from his breast pocket has spilled free, and it ends in a stethoscope.

… enjoy the best meal in the galaxy! It’s on me!

TEHART (tailless):
<… and your control group’s, also. They are not suited for this trip – they already disrespect authority, spit in the orders, show poor anger management. One, we observed, who lashed out… >

TEXT (pill):
GG 124

Use a different colour scheme for this flashback. Patterson, mouth snarling, eyes crazed, is dressed in a fast-food-restaurant-style uniform. He holds a chainsaw that, off panel, is cutting through someone or something, splattering him in blood.

<“… using a chainsaw.”>

<“To be bring subjects like that here, put them under these stresses, would be insane.”>

Page 4 (6 panels)

From the window-end of the table, Tehart crumbles the original burger in its (hands / claws / …). Patterson, while pleading towards Tehart, has smacked the pill burger off the table. “Waiter,” opposite us, glowers. He’s staring at the pill burger, which has hit the now fully-formed grid wall at panel right.

Please! I made it up here, didn’t I? All this way, far from home? And I’m fine, I didn’t succumb to the G forces - you gotta let me set up here! I need this!

<To sell food like this here would suit the transients. But for us natives…>

We’re inside an archetypal fIying saucer. In the background, cattle and pig carcasses dangle from hooks. In the foreground, a fat Elvis, in his 70s white jump suit, is bent over an examination table, being anal probed. His curled-lip expression is somewhere between pain and pleasure.

<“For decades, we have visited your planet, sampling, testing, probing what life forms were best to eat. Do you know which species we found most suitable to our diet?”>

Uh huh huh. Oh yeah… sweet Delila!

View from the bottom end of the table. Tehart, much more aggressive in appearance, lunges towards Patterson. He flees towards (but not looking at) “waiter,” who is squirting lube on the heads of what used to be the stethoscope but now resembles 1950s electro-shock gear. The table’s fading.


Patterson, seen from the triceps upwards. He leans away from us, both arms stretched behind him in a way that suggests Tehart has pinned / caught them. Patterson faces “waiter,” directly opposite us, who has brought both ends of the shock gear together so that electricity sparks. The grid wall is at panel right.



“Waiter” is advancing from the left, holding the electro shock gear. Patterson, his left side facing us, sags bereftly into the wall. As the wall dimples around him we can tell it’s padded. Patterson now wears a strait jacket. Tehart advances from the right.

All I wanted was some Em’ Patties…


Within the standard panel border there’s another slightly ovoid border. Eyelashes go from the top and bottom of the ovoid to the standard border. Within the ovoid, a spaceship, as seen from space has the SFX scream laid over it.



Stewart Vernon
04-12-2015, 03:38 PM
I wanted to find the time for this... but I really couldn't find any this week. Oh well, there's always next time. Good job everybody else!

04-12-2015, 11:45 PM
Now that the deadline has passed, would anyone be interested in swapping entries?

Kiyoko, Rin
04-13-2015, 06:18 PM
Now that the deadline has passed, would anyone be interested in swapping entries?

Do you mean that we should pair off and critique each other's work, or, that you're unhappy with your entry? If the latter: I would let you have mine, but I shouldn't foist off my own under-par effort onto someone else. If the former, the more apt question would be: how many of us will submit our entries to TPG?

04-13-2015, 07:26 PM
I was going to submit mine. Not because I want Steven to submit, but for other selfish reasons.

I think Steven wanted them in separate threads so people could edit each other, here at the forum. I am down for a private or public exchange. I already e-mailed, gmartyt.

04-14-2015, 12:09 AM
Do you mean that we should pair off and critique each other's work, or, that you're unhappy with your entry? If the latter: I would let you have mine, but I shouldn't foist off my own under-par effort onto someone else. If the former, the more apt question would be: how many of us will submit our entries to TPG?

Mostly the former. I've already submitted to TPG myself, but that doesn't mean I would mind having someone else take a look.

Sky, would you prefer to exchange over email or on the forum? I can post mine to a new thread if that would make it easier.

04-14-2015, 10:33 AM
Mostly the former. I've already submitted to TPG myself, but that doesn't mean I would mind having someone else take a look.

Sky, would you prefer to exchange over email or on the forum? I can post mine to a new thread if that would make it easier.

Yes, please post your script to a new thread and I will go through it here in the forum. We might as well do it here.