PDA

View Full Version : Star Wars fan fiction page 1


Lord Herakles
03-24-2015, 01:32 AM
Here is the very first page of my Star Wars fan comic. I initially edited together a rough mockup of the page from bunch of screenshots from the movie. But my skills at panel arrangement are probably not the best, so now I have put it into script format.



Page 1:
Montage of Anakin meditating and flashbacks to scenes from the third prequel movie. This establishes the time frame of what scenes from the movie have happened at the point where he travels to the alternate reality.

Panel 1: Closeup of Anakin as he meditates in the Jedi Temple, his eyes closed in contemplation.

Narration:
Frustrated and confused, Anakin Skywalker meditates in the Jedi Temple.
He feels as though everything in his life that he had once taken for granted is slipping away.

Panel 2: Closeup of Padme Amidala's face as she cries in pain, as seen in Anakin's vision from the movie.

Narration:
He has experienced a frightening vision of the future.

Anakin: (dialogue from the movie)
It was a dream, like the ones I used to have about my mother...

Panel 3: Side profile view of Anakin's face, showing his fear, sorrow, and inner conflict. Panel is positioned beside the previous one, and Anakin's face is pointed at Padme's, as if he is literally seeing this vision in that moment.

Anakin:
...just before she died...

Panel 4: Anakin cradling Padme in his arms, as in the scene in the movie where this dialogue comes from.

Anakin:
But this time, it was about you. I won't let this one become real.

Panel 5: Flashback to the scene from the beginning of the movie, when Anakin kills Count Dooku.

Narration:
Friends who he would have never questioned up to this point have now given him cause for doubt.
He first began to feel suspicious of Chancellor Palapatine when he was forced to summarily execute Count Dooku without a trial, instead of taking him prisoner and interrogating him for intel on the Separatists.

Panel 6: Flashback to the opera scene from the movie, where Palpatine tells Anakin about Darth Plagueis.

Narration:
But after he demonstrated a knowledge of Sith history and Darth Plagueis, there could be no more doubt.
Palpatine, one of Anakin's closest friends and confidants, is the Sith Lord the Jedi have been searching for.

Panel 7: Large panel filling up the rest of the bottom of the page. Anakin kneeling in meditation, the energies of the Force flowing around him.

Narration:
At first, he was going to turn the Chancellor over to the Jedi Council without delay. But then he remembered something Palpatine had said.

Palpatine: (dialogue overlayed with previous panel)
Eventually, Darth Plagueis became so powerful that he could even keep the ones he loved from dying.

Narration:
Anakin knows he has to expose the Sith Lord, but he also can't risk losing the knowledge he needs to save the woman he loves.
And so, he meditates. Attempting to divine the secret of Plagueis' power without Palpatine's help.
He reaches out with his mind, thrusting his consciousness out into the energies of the Force. He searches for answers in the most remote corners of the universe, the deepest mysteries of the force.


Yes there is quite a bit of narration and exposition, but it's kind of necessary here to explain what's going on and where these events fit into the time frame of the movie. And even I was able to fit it all into one page in my initial mockup, so an experienced artist should have no trouble making room for all this text.

Later pages will make it even clearer what's going on here, but I figured this one page has enough stuff to dissect. The gist of it is that Anakin reaches out into the force with his mind to unlock the secret of Darth Plagueis' power, and breaks through the barriers of the universe. Thus entering a parallel universe.

I know that's a lot to take in, and it's probably very confusing. But this whole multi-verse thing is what this entire story is based around.

gmartyt
03-24-2015, 02:46 AM
You're right, that is a lot of exposition.

Personally, I think you should cut out all of the narration. Most of it isn't really adding anything, and the stuff it does add can be replaced with some form of dialogue. However, I don't like narration in general, so take that with a grain of salt.

Lord Herakles
03-24-2015, 03:18 AM
Yeah, there's more heavy narration here than I would normally want to put in. However, there's really no other way to tell this part of the story. If I were to explain it in dialogue from the mouths of actual characters in the story, I think it would sound really forced and artificial. Like having Anakin say "Here, let me explain everything that's happening to me, even though I myself already know what's happening, just for the reader's sake." I feel that an impersonal narrator is a much better way to convey what's going on here.

The biggest potential problem that I can see is if there is too much all on one page. I don't have much experience with writing comics, so I really don't have a good sense of how much can reasonably fit on one page without overloading the reader. I may have to split the above section into two pages.

Steven Forbes
03-24-2015, 04:21 AM
Read Bolts & Nuts at ComixTribe. The link is in my sig. That should help you.

maverick
03-24-2015, 12:30 PM
People around here always have a bug up their butt about narration/caption boxes. Don't listen to them!

Lord Herakles
03-25-2015, 12:01 AM
People around here always have a bug up their butt about narration/caption boxes. Don't listen to them!

I do understand that excessive narration can take you out of the story, and I try to keep it to a minimum. But there are also times when it is useful.

Read Bolts & Nuts at ComixTribe

Thanks, I've started reading through that. Could take a while, there's a lot there, but in the mean time I've got more Star Wars fan fiction goodness to share.

I split the above page into two pages, and incorporated some things from the second page of my original mockup to flesh it out.

Page 1:
Montage of Anakin meditating and flashbacks to scenes from the third prequel movie. This establishes the time frame of what scenes from the movie have happened at the point where he travels to the alternate reality.


Panel 1: Closeup of Anakin as he meditates in the Jedi Temple, his eyes closed in contemplation.


Narration:
Frustrated and confused, Anakin Skywalker meditates in the Jedi Temple.

He feels as though everything in his life that he had once taken for granted is slipping away.


Panel 2: Closeup of Padme Amidala's face as she cries in pain, as seen in Anakin's vision from the movie.


Narration:
He has experienced a frightening vision of the future.


Anakin: (dialogue from the movie)
It was a dream, like the ones I used to have about my mother...


Panel 3: Side profile view of Anakin's face, showing his fear, sorrow, and inner conflict. Panel is positioned beside the previous one, and Anakin's face is pointed at Padme's, as if he is literally seeing this vision in that moment.


Anakin:
...just before she died...


Panel 4: Anakin cradling Padme in his arms, as in the scene in the movie where this dialogue comes from.


Anakin:
But this time, it was about you. I won't let this one become real.


Panel 5: Flashback to the scene from the beginning of the movie, when Anakin kills Count Dooku.


Narration:
Friends who he would have never questioned up to this point have now given him cause for doubt.


He first began to feel suspicious of Chancellor Palapatine when he was forced to summarily execute Count Dooku without a trial, instead of taking him prisoner and interrogating him for intel on the Separatists.


Panel 6: Flashback to the opera scene from the movie, where Palpatine tells Anakin about Darth Plagueis.


Narration:
But after he demonstrated a knowledge of Sith history and Darth Plagueis, there could be no more doubt.


Palpatine, one of Anakin's closest friends and confidants, is the Sith Lord the Jedi have been searching for.


Page 2: Anakin crosses the border to the alternate universe.


Panel 1: Large panel filling up most of the top of the page. In the center of the panel Anakin is shown kneeling in meditation, the energies of the Force flowing around him. The first caption of narration is in the upper left corner of the panel. The small next panel is overlayed on top of this one in the upper right corner, next to the first caption.


Narration:
At first, he was going to turn the Chancellor over to the Jedi Council without delay. But then he remembered something Palpatine had said.

Anakin knows he has to expose the Sith Lord, but he also can't risk losing the knowledge he needs to save the woman he loves.
And so, he meditates. Attempting to divine the secret of Plagueis' power without Palpatine's help.

He reaches out with his mind, thrusting his consciousness out into the energies of the Force. He searches for answers in the most remote corners of the universe, the deepest mysteries of the force.


Panel 2: Small panel overlayed on top of the previous one, next to the first caption of narration. Closeup of Palpatine's face speaking to Anakin from the opera scene.


Palpatine:
Eventually, Darth Plagueis became so powerful that he could even keep the ones he loved from dying.


Panel 3: A swirl of mystical Force energy, representing Anakin's travel to the alternate universe.


Narration:
He can sense he is getting closer to the answers he seeks. He can feel the former limits of his power in the force breaking, crossing the boundaries of what he could have ever conceived.

But then, at the threshold of the enlightenment he seeks, he is unexpectedly shaken from his deep trance and thrown back into a world that now feels alien to him, a reality that he can now barely recognize.


Panel 4: Anakin waking up suddenly in bed with Padme.


Anakin:
What's going on? How did I get here?


Padme:
Is something wrong?