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SkyfireQT
11-23-2014, 07:52 PM
Hi there!! Thanks for taking the time to read. This is a simple one page pitch document for a 1-issue comicbook idea. I wrote it to practice my story-forging and hopefully get some feedback from you.

INDICO
Written by Fabián Andrés R
PITCH DOCUMENT

CONCEPT: Indico is based on a true story… until it isn’t. This project is meant to be a self-contained 22-24 page script limited to one issue (one-shot).

SANTIAGO SANCRANT, a 20-year old journalism student that lives with his mother and stepfather in Costa Rica is thrown into a mysterious and dangerous feud. His stepfather, who owns a multi-millionaire corporation, is accused by the police of paying off a hired gunman to assassinate an associate of his, who owns the next major share of the company.

SANTIAGO’s stepfather is imprisoned while the final decision of his judgment is taken by the court. SANTIAGO then decides to quit school and leave home. He’s kidnapped shortly after his stepfather is released and deemed innocent. His captors plan to blackmail the multi-millionaire businessman but a small accident causes SANTIAGO to manifest supernatural abilities. He successfully escapes the abandoned warehouse he was being kept in. SANTIAGO sets to discover if his father is truly guilty or not after hearing some very incriminating statements from his captors.

STORY: Our story begins with SANTIAGO driving back home from school as he argues with himself about choosing journalism as a career solely to impress his parents. Upon arrival we discover SANTIAGO’s luxurious mansion. He then narrates about his father being in jail when SANTIAGO was in high school.

Next, we see SANTIAGO being awaken violently by the thundering footsteps of numerous policemen breaking into his home early in the morning. They search the premises and arrest his stepfather. This is where SANTIAGO decides to quit school and leave home. Later that night, he’s kidnapped. He wakes up tied to a chair in an abandoned warehouse.

He loses his mind and starts shouting at his captors. One of them decides it’s ok for SANTIAGO to be injured ‘slightly’ and shoots him in the leg. SANTIAGO manifests a mysterious supernatural power with which he manages to escape. When doing so, he hears some very incriminating statements from his captors about his stepfather. These men seem to have known the hired gunman that his stepfather supposedly paid off to deal with the associate.

SANTIAGO confronts his father who’s now mentally unstable due to the stress. He reveals he was ordered by a witch to hire the gunman. When SANTIAGO is about to rule him off as insane, THE WITCH appears. She took the form of an old lady to convince MR. SANCRANT of hiring the gunman and then took the form of the gunman to perform the job. She also convinced the kidnappers to take SANTIAGO… all to force his powers to manifest.

The story ends with THE WITCH disappearing after saying something along the lines of: “I have helped you become one of the most powerful entities in the world, and for that… you’re forever in my debt.”

Kiyoko, Rin
11-25-2014, 03:51 AM
I'm not an expert on pitching, but from what I've researched on the subject: you've summarised the plot rather than written the pitch.

According to Mr Forbes' article on the subject (http://www.comixtribe.com/2011/01/18/bn-week-4-writing-the-pitch/ ) you need to tell me what the story's ABOUT (emotionally) not just what happens.

I recommend you read Mr Forbes' article. Be aware that the Lee Nordling articles he directs you to are broken. In my presumption, I submit these links instead: writersinthestorm.wordpress.com/2013/07/10/fearless-pitching-part-1/ and https://belacaleb.wordpress.com/comic-writer-services/#pitch and http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134708 ... not to mention Google.

Kiyoko, Rin
11-25-2014, 03:59 AM
...Oops, forgot to mention:

"SANTIAGO SANCRANT, a 20-year old journalism student that lives with his mother..."

should be

"SANTIAGO SANCRANT, a 20-year old journalism student WHO lives with his mother..."

Editors; minds; explosions. You're welcome.

SkyfireQT
11-25-2014, 01:45 PM
Thanks again for your feedback! It helps a lot!