View Full Version : Looking for feedback for CHAPTER ONE of a graphic novel concept

09-27-2014, 06:16 PM
American Generation (action, sci-fi/fantasy): While aiding an ecology experiment, six screwed up graduate students struggle their new genetically-enhanced ability to control the weather all while their sinister professor grooms them to become anti-American terrorists.

So, the script is roughly 16 pages and it is in screenplay format, but I am looking for some feedback to the story and what could be some examples of what to keep and what to chuck before I adapt it into comic book format.

Please email me or send me a private message if you're interested in giving it a look.

Thank you again!

10-07-2014, 06:07 PM
The log-line sentence appears to be missing words. Right now the main verb is 'struggle' and the noun to which struggle is applied is ability. They struggle their ability?

There's also some missing punctuation, probably a comma after 'weather'.

As an aspiring writer, when your 'calling card' prose has these mistakes in it, it signals that you are not as far down the path of becoming successful as you may hope you are.

Getting your words perfect is exactly the job of a writer. Why is this post imperfect?

10-07-2014, 08:33 PM
Really dude? Really?

Steven Forbes
10-07-2014, 09:53 PM

You want people to read your words. Writers are readers. If all we see are mistakes, how can we even begin to see what else is wrong or could be done better with the story?

Word choice, spelling, and punctuation. These are all within your control. If you want writers to take you seriously, you have to take us seriously.

Steven Forbes
10-07-2014, 09:54 PM
And, you should be happy that someone responded. This has been up for more than a week without any responses. Instead of saying "really," you should be saying "thanks."

10-07-2014, 10:28 PM
My apologies. Thank you for spotting my typos. I will focus more on proofreading in the future.

10-07-2014, 10:36 PM
Steven perhaps I could hire you to edit some of my work? You're a freelancer, right?

Steven Forbes
10-07-2014, 10:38 PM
I am. Shoot me an email. My addy is in my signature.

10-08-2014, 12:38 AM
Right on. Talk soon!

10-09-2014, 05:19 PM
Steven is the business. Good choice! :)