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stew1426
08-05-2014, 12:56 AM
This is the beginning of a sci fi web comic my art partner and I will be releasing in the near future. I copy and pasted from a Word document, so apologies if the format is wonky in places.

PAGE ONE – FIVE PANELS

PANEL ONE
The bedroom of five year old CORDELIA. Big pink letters hang on the wall that spell out her name. Stuffed animals on the bed. SOLOMON sits on the edge of the bed. He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees, watching Cordelia play on the floor. He wears a contented smile.

1. HANGING CAP: A lifetime ago…

2. CAP – SOLOMON: The Theory of Constants states that if something exists in this universe, it exists in every universe.

PANEL TWO
Same camera shot. Solomon hasn’t moved, but the room has transformed around him. The walls are bare. The bed is bare. The stuffed animals are gone. Cordelia is gone. Solomon stares at the empty space where she once played. Stubble covers his chin. His eyes are bloodshot and sagging.

3. CAP – SOLOMON: But if it stops existing in one, does it continue to exist in the rest?

PANEL THREE
In the Slip. Outside. Day. A prairie like setting with tall grasses and gently rolling hills. Solomon is in the same position, dressed in his militia outfit. Now he sits on a metal crate. He holds the tip of the barrel of a rifle in both hands. The butt of the rifle rests on the ground.

4. CAP – SOLOMON: Does it become a twisted version of itself?

5. CHIEF (OP): Solomon!


PANEL FOUR
Zoom out to show more of the militia camp. Soldiers bustle by in the background. CHIEF stands in front of Solomon and barks orders.

6. SOLOMON: Yeah, Chief?

7. CHIEF: The Orchestra is seconds out. So what say you stop fondling that weapon…

PANEL FIVE
Zoom way out for panoramic shot of the Slip. The militia camp is in left panel. It’s made up of tents and stacked crates of supplies. The Orchestra approaches from the right of the panel. The sky is littered with black ships. Ground troops and vehicles charge toward the camp ahead of the ships. The camp’s shield generator lies between the camp and the approaching Orchestra.

8. HANGING CAP: The Slip. Now…

9. CAP – CHIEF: And get ready to use it!


PAGE TWO – FOUR PANELS


PANEL ONE
Zoom back in on camp. Chief yells his orders to LARS and Solomon.

1. CAP – SOLOMON: I never understood any of it. Laws of Transdimensional Conservation of Mass. Atomic composition of dimensional walls.

2. CHIEF: The shield’s down again! Lars, take your team and get that canopy up!

3. CHIEF: If it’s down when those ships get here, they’ll tear us to pieces!

PANEL TWO
Solomon and Lars face each other. Solomon looks up at Lars, who is much taller. They look to be bickering with each other. A jeep-like vehicle without a roof is seen behind them.

3. CAP – SOLOMON: Sounds like another language.

4. LARS: [Series of symbols to indicate he’s speaking an alien language]

5. SOLOMON: You drove last time.

6. LARS: [Series of symbols to indicate he’s speaking an alien language]

7. SOLOMON: Fine. Baby.

PANEL THREE
Lars drives the jeep. Solomon sits in the passenger seat with his rifle at the ready. Two other militia stand up in the back with their rifles ready. They drive toward the camera. The militia camp is seen behind them.

8. CAP – SOLOMON: Odessa spoke that language. She ¬wrote that language. She formulated the Theory of Constants at the dinner table.

9. CAP – SOLOMON: While I taught Cordie how to build a mountain out of mashed potatoes.

PANEL FOUR
Camera pans around behind the jeep to look at the imposing Orchestra closing in on the shield generator.

10. CAP – SOLOMON: Would’ve driven her nuts, but I’d have told her that theory was about as wrong as a thing could be.

11. CAP – SOLOMON: Because nothing like this exists back home.

PAGE THREE – FIVE PANELS

PANEL ONE
Focus on the front line of Orchestra ships. One of them breaks away from the fleet and makes for the jeep.

1. CAP – SOLOMON: But I need to believe she was right.

PANEL TWO
Camera is on the hood of the jeep look back at Solomon and Lars.

2. CAP – SOLOMON: I need to believe that these genocidal maniacs exist somewhere back home.

3. LARS: [Alien speak]

4. SOLOMON: Yeah, I see it.

PANEL THREE
Focus back on the Orchestra ship. It launches a rocket.

5. CAP – SOLOMON: Because that means some part of home could exist here too.

PANEL FOUR
Camera is in front of the jeep, slightly elevated, looking down. Solomon, Lars and the two militiamen in the back prepare to jump out of the jeep.

6. LARS: [Alien exclamation!]

7. SOLOMON: Yeah, I see that too!

8. CAP – SOLOMON: Somewhere in this hell…

PANEL FIVE
The jeep explodes as the men jump for their lives.

9. CAP – SOLOMON: Could be the life I lost.

PAGE FOUR – SIX PANELS

PANEL ONE
Close up of Solomon’s face. His eyes are closed. He looks to be at peace.

1. CAP – SOLOMON: I hear you coming for me.

2. CAP – SOLOMON: Frantic little footsteps.

3. CAP – SOLOMON: Just a little more time. I just want a little more--


PANEL TWO
Solomon’s eyes shoot open.

4. CORDELIA (OP): Daddy!

PANEL THREE
Cordelia has jumped and landed on Solomon’s stomach. She wears a gleeful smile and clutches the leg of her teddy bear. Cordelia has the teddy bear with her in every panel. It will be important later. Solomon lurches as the wind is knocked out of him.

5. HANGING CAP: New York. One Year Ago…

6. CORDELIA: Wake up!

7. SOLOMON: OOMPH!

PANEL FOUR
Solomon walks towards the exit of his bedroom while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Cordelia hops excitedly behind him. Solomon’s NYPD uniform is draped over a chair in the background.

8. SOLOMON: Where’s your mother?

9. CORDELIA: Went to work already.

10. SOLOMON: Of course she did.

11. CORDELIA: Don’t be grumpy. It’s my birthday. Which means…


PANEL FIVE
Solomon is walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand. He yawns. Cordelia is still behind him, bouncing around excitedly.

10. CORDELIA: You have to make my birthday breakfast and you have to make whatever I want because it’s my birthday breakfast.

11. CORDELIA: I want waffles and ice cream and pizza!

12. SOLOMON: Just give me a minute to wake up, Cordelia.

PANEL SIX
Camera is behind Solomon, looking over his shoulder as he watches TV. He points the remote at the TV, showing that he’d just turned it on. The morning news is on the television. It shows a nighttime scene of mass unrest – police trying to contain an angry mob. A ticker at the bottom of the screen reads “More Open Door protests. NYPD struggles to contain.”

13. SOLOMON: Daddy had a long night at work.

PAGE FIVE – FIVE PANELS

PANEL ONE
Camera is at the head of the dining room table. The table is off center to the left side of the panel. Cordelia sits at the head of the table, opposite the camera. Her arms are raised triumphantly as she cheers over the breakfast of waffles, ice cream, and pizza spread out before her. Solomon sits on the side of the table along the left edge of the panel. He stares out the large window on the wall across from him. Some of the city skyline is seen through the window.

1. CAP – SOLOMON: Been working doubles for weeks now, since Interface Labs went public with the Open Door Project, her project.

3. CAP – SOLOMON: And she’s gone before breakfast.

3. CAP – SOLOMON: Before Cordie’s birthday breakfast.

PANEL TWO
Camera follows Solomon’s gaze as he notices a needle mark in the crook of Cordie’s arm, where blood was recently taken, that has begun to bruise.

4. CAP – SOLOMON: And she couldn’t even do it without sticking Cordie first.

5. SOLOMON: Do you want a smiley Band-Aid for that?

6. CORDELIA: Mommy said I don’t need them because I’m five now.

7. CORDELIA: Oh, she left a note for you on the counter.

PANEL THREE
Close up of the note that Solomon in his hand.

8. THE NOTE READS:

“Sol,

Bring Cordelia by the lab today. I want to give her a birthday present. I told her to wake you gently, but you know the rule. On your birthday, you can do whatever you want.

Love Always,
Odessa”


PANEL FOUR
Outside on a city street. Day. Solomon and Cordelia walk down the sidewalk toward the camera. Cordelia walks on the inside, away from the street, with her arms out to the side, balancing on a raised section of the sidewalk. Solomon has his hands in his pockets.

9. CORDELIA: How come Mommy is always taking my blood?

10. SOLOMON: Because there’s something special about your blood. If she can find out what makes it special, she can help a lot of people.

11. CORDELIA: If Mommy’s job is to help people…

PANEL FIVE
Aerial shot. Interface Labs. A large sign on the building reads “Interface Labs: The Face of Discovery”. There is a security checkpoint in front of the lab. A large crowd has massed in front of the security checkpoint. The crowd carries signs that read “Close the Door”.

12. CAP – CORDELIA: How come everyone is so mad at her?

PAGE SIX – SIX PANELS

PANEL ONE
Solomon carries Cordelia through the crowd toward the security gate. He protectively holds her head to his chest. Solomon looks wary of the crowd and uncomfortable. The panel has a claustrophobic feel. The crowd is thick and enveloping. The people shout, shake their fists, and wave signs.

1. SOLOMON: They aren’t mad. They’re just…afraid.

2. CROWD MEMBER 1: You cannot force open the gates of Heaven!

3. SOLOMON: They don’t understand Mommy’s work. When people don’t understand something, they get afraid.

4. CROWD MEMBER 2: You trespass in the Kingdom of God!

PANEL TWO
BUTCH, the aging and congenial security guard allows Solomon, still holding Cordelia, through the checkpoint. Cordelia holds up all five fingers toward Butch, showing him her age. Just behind Solomon, on the crowd side of the gate stands a SUSPICIOUS MAN with his hood drawn who seems oddly still and focused compared to the roiling crowd around him.

5. BUTCH: She’s on her way out, Solomon. And your pals on the force are coming to secure the scene. These crackpots won’t cause no trouble.

6. SOLOMON: Thanks, Butch.

7. CORDELIA: I’m five!

8. ODESSA (OP): Yes, you are…

PANEL THREE
ODESSA walks down the front steps of the Interface Labs building. Cordelia runs toward her.

9. ODESSA: You’re getting so big.

10. CORDELIA: Mommy!

PANEL FOUR
Profile shot of Odessa and Solomon as they stare at each other. Solomon’s frustration is apparent from his furrowed brow. Cordelia hugs Odessa around the waist.

11. ODESSA: Cordie, why don’t you go inside? Jennifer has some candy on her desk.

12. CORDELIA: Are you and Daddy mad? Are you gonna fight?

13. ODESSA: No, baby, we’re just going to talk.

PANEL FIVE
Odessa stands on the left side of the panel. Solomon stands with his arms crossed on the right. Cordelia is seen dancing on the steps in the space behind them.

PANEL SIX
The same as panel five. Cordelia has danced a little further up the steps.

14. ODESSA: You’re mad.

PAGE SEVEN – FIVE PANELS

PANEL ONE
Camera pans around to focus on Solomon. He throws his arms to the air in anger and frustration.

1. SOLOMON: Of course I’m mad!

2. SOLOMON: I haven’t seen you in a month, Odessa.

PANEL TWO
Camera pans around to focus on Odessa. She makes the “this close” gesture with her hand.

3. ODESSA: I’m this close, Sol.

4. ODESSA: This close to stabilizing the reaction and opening the Door. This close to crossing into another universe.

PANEL THREE
Side shot of Solomon and Odessa. She sticks an accusatorial finger in his face.

5. SOLOMON: What’s wrong with this universe that you’re so desperate to get away from it?

6. SOLOMON: This is where your daughter is. This is where I am.

7. ODESSA: That’s not fair!

8. SOLOMON: I just carried our daughter through an angry mob so she could see you on her birthday. That’s not fair!

PANEL FOUR
Their argument escalates. Both Solomon and Odessa are yelling, trying to talk over each other. Odessa is jabbing her finger into the palm of her opposite hand, adamantly trying to make her point. Solomon has thrown his arms to the air.

9. ODESSA: This is the most significant scientific-!

10. SOLOMON: Damn science! I’d like a meal with my wife!

11. ODESSA: New sources of energy! New life forms! A complete shift in how we see the world!

12. SOLOMON: One meal! That isn't microwaved!

13. ODESSA: Everything we know is about to change!

14. BUTCH (OP): STOP!

PANEL FIVE
The suspicious hooded man from Page Two, Panel Six vaults over the security checkpoint. Butch reaches after him unsuccessfully.

PAGE EIGHT - FOUR PANELS

PANEL ONE
Suspicious man runs toward the Interface Labs building, toward the camera. He unzips his hoodie as he runs, revealing the bomb strapped to his chest. Butch his seen behind him, radioing for help.

1. SUSPICIOUS MAN: The Knights of St. Peter will repel the heathen trespassers!

2. SUSPICIOUS MAN: His Kingdom is reserved for the souls of the righteous…

PANEL TWO
Camera pans around to show the Suspicious Man from behind. His sweatshirt has fallen to the ground to full reveal the bomb vest. Cordelia is seen on the other side of him. He runs straight at Cordelia who stands frozen and confused on the Interface Labs steps.

3. SUSPICIOUS MAN: And innocent!

PANEL THREE
Zoom out. Aerial shot of the explosion on the ground floor of the Interface Labs building.

4. SFX: BOOOOM

PANEL FOUR
Close up of Cordelia’s teddy bear lying on the ground, singed and damaged from the explosion. This is the first time it’s seen out of her hands.

Luke Noonan
08-05-2014, 10:09 AM
Interesting story so far, but I thought the opening mystery tone made the pace a little slow in the first pages. This picks up from page 5 onwards, which made it more engaging for me However, a lot may rest on who or what 'the Orchestra' are and what they look like, and that can't be gauged since there's no description in the script (which is a good thing, IMO, since that belongs in a separate document).