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Schuyler
06-13-2014, 11:42 PM
I submitted this script to TPG this year. Here is a link...

http://www.comixtribe.com/2014/03/22/tpg-week-169-write-for-the-gap/

I am trying to address the issues raised during my TPG. Mainly I want to write for the gap. I took avice from Steven and Sam to try and improve the story. Have a gander, make a comment.

Characters
Mystiker the Mystiker keeps getting reincarnated and thus has appeared throughout history.
David- David is short and stout. He is mixed half black/ half Asian or Hispanic. His friends call him David in reference to David and Goliath. His real name is Charlie Arnolds. His hair is black and curly. His eyes are purple and sometimes they glow a little. He is crazy and can never figure out where or who he is. Somehow, his madness serves him thoughÖDavid keeps remembering past lives and getting confused. David is a soldier in the Wolf Squadron of the Yamato Corporation.

Henry Watt-is Davidís 12th century knight memory that is persistent throughout this issue. David and the other members of Wolf Squadron become knights in the 12th century for certain panels. James Watt is from the British Isles and looks nothing like David, nor do the other Wolf Squadron members look like their 12th century counterparts. I am imagining your typical British knights. With full plate mail that resembles their future armor.

King David-is another one of Davidís memories. King David, as in the real David and Goliath, dated to around 1000 B.C. He only appears in one panel this issue but he will be important in issue 4. He is also short but I imagine him to be lighter skinned like his biblical depictions. The artist can decide whether he has a beard or not. He does not wear armor and goes bare chested into battle. He is well muscled. He wears colorful tassels on his arms. He wears a crown and a cape. His sword is very large for a person of his stature.

Hugronaphor- a third memory of Davidís dated to around 200 B.C. He is Nubian and thus dark skinned. He is a pharaoh and wears the typical king Tut like headdress. He also has the braided chin beard that pharaohs are often depicted with. He will get two panels in this issue but he will be important to issue 3.

Radio Man- A fourth memory of Davidís who lived less than 100 years prior to David. The Earth is a radiated place during his time and the only reason he can survive is because of his amazing healing factor. However, his cells are mutated and thus he is monstrous looking. He is very large and slightly hunchbacked. His hands are too big even for his body size. He has weird bulbous spots where there should be none. One half of his brow is thicker than the other and hangs over his eye giving him an eternal squint. His clothes are in tatters. He will get two panels this issue but will be important to issue 2.

Jaganraj- is the fifth and final memory that will be prominent in this story. He is a Gurkha soldier who fought in the Malayan Emergency. He is loaded down with gear, and he wears a nondescript army green. His hat looks similar to a fedora and he wears it on the side of his head. The strap for the hat comes across his mouth as opposed to under his chin. He carries a rifle and a Khurkuri blade. He will only appear in one panel this issue but he will be important to issue five.

Javar-is the leader of Davidís team, Wolf Squadron. He is of Middle Eastern descent. Javar is confident and has a high moral conduct. A perfect leader.
Ryan-is my token white guy among the Wolf Squadron. Ryan is Davidís friend and he tends to look after David. He has blondish light brown hair. Ryan is sensitive and quiet.

Yoshi-is the Yamato corps Eye in the Sky. What that means is that he does not have to come to Earth and fight. He sits in small spaceship that orbits the Earth. He monitors battles and provides reinforcements where needed. He also controls small bug like robots that are often used for spying. The robots also have the ability to inject soldiers with anesthetics, antivenin, adrenalin, etc. We will not see Yoshi in this issue, only his voice. 

PAGE ONE (five panels)

Panel 1. Establishing shot. It is early morning in the year 3020. The camera faces a large dome building that sits in a clearing in a thick forest. The Earth is been restored to a preindustrial state. It is once again a very pretty place, with greenery and water. The building itself is very clean and smooth looking as if it had been molded all at once. On the front of the building are two large double doors that lead to its interior. There is a sign above the door but it is illegible at this distance.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Javar? You awake?

JAVAR (this bubble tails to the building):
Yeah. I have been having trouble sleeping these days.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Me too.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Your intercom is working perfectly tonight.

Panel 2. Close in on the building. The large doors look like they are made out of stainless steel. Smooth and shiny, without a single imperfection. Above the double doors, reads- Yamato Incorporated.

ABOVE DOORS:
Yamato Incorporated

JAVAR (inside the building):
Yeah, David fixed it. The guy is a genius. He can look at a piece of gear and tell you what makes it work.

JAVAR (inside the building):
Or, in this case, not work.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
You should promote him. You need more tech savvy people.

Panel 3. Inside the building is a long hospital like hallway. There is a door on the right and left side. The left door is where the voices are coming from. A soft light glows from the door on the left but the hallway is otherwise in darkness. The hallway stretches to another door on the left and finally another set of double doors at the end. The smooth interior of the building is clean, with a rounded feeling in the walls and roof.

JAVAR (from inside the left door):
I doÖbut I canít promote David. Thereís something wrong with him. He should have never passed the psych exam.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
You should have told me this before, stuff like that needs to go in their files. Whatís wrong with him?

JAVAR:
You served down here before you got promoted. So, you know how some guys get a weird stare after they see a lot of action?

Panel 4. Inside the room on the left. It is a small and bubble like. This looks like some kind of tech control room but a lot of the gear is covered in white drapes and looks unused. There is only one set of bunks in this room. They sit perpendicular on the right side of the panel. In the foreground at the foot of the bunk is a small speaker that looks as if what was disassembled and not put back together all the way. Wires dangle and its button casing is missing. This is the intercom that Yoshi is speaking through. In the center of the panel seated on the bottom bunk is Javar. He has his left side turned to the camera. He has his feet planted on the floor. He is hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, and his hands clasped together.

YOSHI (elec, tail to the intercom):
Sure. It can be a little unnerving.

JAVAR:
Yeah, well, Davidís had that since his first day down here. And, I get a lot of complaints about him mumbling creepy stuff while he sleeps.

Panel 5. The camera has entered the door across the hall now. Five bunks on the left side and five on the right. The tops and bottoms are all filled, making for twenty sleeping soldiers. Roundish lockers stand at the end of each set of beds, each locker with two compartments. This room is not as bubblish as the last. David sleeps in the middle on the bottom left. There is a purple glow from under his eyelids.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
So, heís got a weird look and he mumbles a little why he sleeps. I had some mumblers on my team.

JAVAR (from across the hall):
No, Yoshi. David talks in ancient languages while he sleeps. I heard it once, and it is beyond unnerving.



PAGE TWO (five panels)
Panel 1. David sleeps on his bunk. Purple light glows from under his eyelids.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Wow. What do you think he dreams about?

JAVAR (from across the hall):
Who knows whatís going on inside that guyís headÖ

Panel 2. Davidís dreams the death of Henry Watt. Midday, English countryside.

Henry Watt stands on a dirt road facing the camera at a slight angle. He was running for cover but he was hit by a large crossbow bolt. It pierced his right side. The tip has pierced all the way through and hangs out of his left side with blood oozing from it. Henry was just hit and he is collapsing in this shot. Behind Henry Watt is a thick tree line on the other side of the road. Henryís attacker is off panel left. Henryís helmet has either flown off in the attack or is built in such a way that we can see his purple eyes.

CAP (David, different font):
Dream a dream of one thousand deaths,

Panel 3. Dream panel. Morning, in a grassy valley. 990 B.C. King David of David and Goliath kills a Philistine warrior.

In the close foreground, on the left side of the panel, is the backside of a Philistine warrior. King David is in the middle ground and had his left side facing the soldier before he attacked. His upper body twisted as he swung the sword through the back of his foe. The sword is now at the end of its arc and Davidís mouth is open in a silent roar. There is a trail of blood showing the path of Davidís sword. We see his purple eyes. I would like to go minimal on the background here but I imagine the grassy valley recedes into a mountain.

CAP (David):
A dream of kings,

Panel 4. Dream panel. 200 B.C. facial portrait of an Egyptian Pharaoh, his king tut like headdress butted right to the borders of the panel. He has purple eyes.


CAP (David):
A dream of pharaohs,

Panel 5. Dream Panel. 200 B.C. Midday, Egyptian dessert. Above shot. The same pharaoh, face down in the sand, with two of his bodyguards lying near him.

The ground is littered with arrows and spears many of them impaling the three bodies. Their own weapons lying near their dying hands.

CAP (David):
A dream of one thousand slings and arrows,


PAGE THREE (five panels)
Panel 1. Dream Panel. 2930 A.D. In a dilapidated city. Close up on Radio Manís eyes.

He once looked human but now he is radiated beyond belief. One eye ridge is too large and droops over his eye. He has purple eyes.

CAP (David):
If every time you laid down to dream,

CAP (David):
You saw the things that I have seen,

Panel 2. Dream Panel. 2930 A.D. In a ruined city. Camera has moved behind Radio Man now.

He looks out across a dilapidated city. Half of it is covered by sand. It could have once been Chicago or something similar.

CAP (David):
If you had to be the men that I have been,

Panel 3. Dream panel. Nighttime in the Malayan jungle. 1954 A.D. Jaganraj is crouched over a sleeping Malayan insurgent.

The insurgent is sleeping with his rifle hugged to his chest. His head is in the foreground. Crouched over him facing the camera is Jaganraj and he is pulling a blade from a sheath at his hip. The blade is a Khukuri. Jaganrajís purple eyes glow in the darkness.

CAP (David):
Would you ever sleep again?

Panel 4. Back to 3020 A.D. in the domed building. David is sitting up in his bunk now. The glow has faded from his eyes.

CAP (David):
Because, in this moment of clarity,

JAVAR (burst, op):
Wake up! Put on your armor and load out! You got five minutes!

Panel 5. David becomes Henry. They are now in a fort in England. There are still bunks but the lockers are gone. The walls are made of stone and the bunks of wood. In the middle of the panel are Henry and Ryanís knight counterpart. Ryanís knight counterpart is almost fully armored already. Henry sits in his underclothes looking confused. Javar yells from off panel left.

CAP (David):
I can see,

KNIGHT RYAN (whispers):
You should probably start putting your armor on.

KNIGHT JAVAR (burst, op):
David!

Schuyler
06-13-2014, 11:44 PM
In the next panel David says

"That I have lost my sanity"

Robert_S
06-15-2014, 01:31 AM
I sometimes participate on Zoetrope.com (it's a reading group for movie scripts) and designed my own format for reviewing. So I'm gonna hit you with it.

There are three parts to my review style:


General Writing - Mostly by way of SPaG (spelling, punctuation and grammar) but I'll also cover clarity and brevity.
Format - This covers script format.
Story - Usually the logic of the scene.


I'll also ask questions for anything I'm not familiar with.

I submitted this script to TPG this year. Here is a link...
PAGE ONE (five panels)

Panel 1. Establishing shot. It is early morning in the year 3020. The camera faces a large dome building that sits in a clearing in a thick forest. The Earth is been restored to a preindustrial state. It is once again a very pretty place, with greenery and water. The building itself is very clean and smooth looking as if it had been molded all at once. On the front of the building are two large double doors that lead to its interior. There is a sign above the door but it is illegible at this distance.


Your panel descriptions are good. Certainly better than mine. I would say that perhaps the stating of Earth's condition is better suited to something outside of the panel description, such as a story world description. That way panel descriptions don't get inflated.


YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Javar? You awake?


I don't know what elec means. I'm assuming it's short for electric, a bubble style, but I could be wrong. The template I use in Scrivener uses JAGGED (and it's all caps, but that is my software, not a standard, which there isn't any other than be clear).


JAVAR (this bubble tails to the building):
Yeah. I have been having trouble sleeping these days.


I'd say this sentence could be cut down. Not out, but down. People don't speak like that, really.

JAVAR
Yeah, I'm having trouble sleeping.

or

JAVAR
Yeah. I have trouble sleeping these days.


YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Me too.

YOSHI (elec, no tail):
Your intercom is working perfectly tonight.


Shouldn't these two be combined or conjoined with a (cont)?

I don't know. I would. I use the (cont) or ... as a pause within a panel.


Panel 2. Close in on the building. The large doors look like they are made out of stainless steel. Smooth and shiny, without a single imperfection. Above the double doors, reads- Yamato Incorporated.

ABOVE DOORS:
Yamato Incorporated


This is redundant imo. I would leave the sign description in the panel description and not restate.


JAVAR (inside the building):
Yeah, David fixed it. The guy is a genius. He can look at a piece of gear and tell you what makes it work.

JAVAR (inside the building):
Or, in this case, not work.


I'm not clear how this is different from (this bubble tails to the building). The panel is showing the outside of the building still.


Panel 3. Inside the building is a long hospital like hallway. There is a door on the right and left side. The left door is where the voices are coming from. A soft light glows from the door on the left but the hallway is otherwise in darkness. The hallway stretches to another door on the left and finally another set of double doors at the end.


Only four sets of doors on this hallway? That seems like a lot of wasted office space. Have you mapped out the floor plan, in your mind at least?


The smooth interior of the building is clean, with a rounded feeling in the walls and roof.


Hmmm...You just described a hallway. Is this applying to the hallway or the building overall? Generally, you'd want to zoom your description in, so you would describe the inside of the building, then go to halls, rooms, desks, etc.

Also, I would not describe it as having a rounded "feeling." More a rounded "look."

In movies, you can see and hear. In a comic panel, you can only see and have to imagine all else. So, feeling is not something you can write in a script, movie or comic.


YOSHI (elec, no tail):
You should have told me this before, stuff like that needs to go in their files. What’s wrong with him?


The first comma should be a period. Those are two different thoughts, so they are two different sentences.

I'd like to leave the rest for you to look over as an exercise.

But what I've read so far, I'd say it's not moving fast enough. Enter late, leave early is one of the mantras of movie script writing and movie scripts have 120 pages to work with. Serialized comics have only 22. In general, the enter late, leave early idea is simply good story telling.

Some of the best stories I've read use this:

Watchmen - The Comedian is already dead. We're looking at his bloody smiley face button laying on the sidewalk and the camera zooms out from there.
Y: The Last Man - The men are already dead.
Hellboy Vol 1: Seeds of Destruction - The Allies and Nazis are already gathered at their respective henges.

And to pull from mine:
Dante has already undergone the implant surgery and is trying to recover himself.

To use more movies (I like movies):

The Usual Suspects - Karsai Sosa has already killed the crew.
Memento - The protagonist's wife is already dead.
The Fountain - The protagonist's wife is already dead and merge with a tree in a bubble he's riding to a nova.
Nemo - Marlin and his wife have already laid their eggs. A bit of a jump in story when he wakes up to find only one remains.

If you like, I'll read more and review it. I have it printed, so I don't have to sit at my desk to read it.

Schuyler
06-15-2014, 03:18 AM
Your panel descriptions are good. Certainly better than mine. I would say that perhaps the stating of Earth's condition is better suited to something outside of the panel description, such as a story world description. That way panel descriptions don't get inflated.

Mmm. I think you are right about moving that piece of info. Thank you.

I don't know what elec means. I'm assuming it's short for electric, a bubble style, but I could be wrong. The template I use in Scrivener uses JAGGED (and it's all caps, but that is my software, not a standard, which there isn't any other than be clear).

Yeah it is short for electric. I believe it is standard for comic scripts. It is applied when your sound comes from a machine.

I'd say this sentence could be cut down. Not out, but down. People don't speak like that, really.

JAVAR
Yeah, I'm having trouble sleeping.

or

JAVAR
Yeah. I have trouble sleeping these days.

Yes, I see your point. Mine was a bit of a mouthful.

Shouldn't these two be combined or conjoined with a (cont)?

I don't know. I would. I use the (cont) or ... as a pause within a panel.

Honestly, I am going to add them to one bubble probably. But I always write the name twice if it continues. I suppose it doesn't matter in the end.

This is redundant imo. I would leave the sign description in the panel description and not restate.

Yes, but redundant on purpose. The one in the panel description is for my artist. I want him to leave room there for a sign to exist. He might not even read the dialogue section. The dialogue section is for my letterer. I don't want them to have to search the panel descriptions for instructions. I think it is actually the way many comic writers do it.

I'm not clear how this is different from (this bubble tails to the building). The panel is showing the outside of the building still.

Yes you are totally correct, sir. I guess you want me to be consistent now? Hehe

Only four sets of doors on this hallway? That seems like a lot of wasted office space. Have you mapped out the floor plan, in your mind at least?

I knew all that mapping I did was going to come in handy somewhere. I did indeed draw a map. The facility was not designed for soldiers. Still, your comment makes me think that I might need to rethink my floor plan.

Hmmm...You just described a hallway. Is this applying to the hallway or the building overall? Generally, you'd want to zoom your description in, so you would describe the inside of the building, then go to halls, rooms, desks, etc.

Also, I would not describe it as having a rounded "feeling." More a rounded "look."

In movies, you can see and hear. In a comic panel, you can only see and have to imagine all else. So, feeling is not something you can write in a script, movie or comic.

Darn. Got lost in the quotes and can't figure out exactly what this crit is referring to. I see your point about the feeling thing though.

The first comma should be a period. Those are two different thoughts, so they are two different sentences.

Aha! I will fix that.

I'd like to leave the rest for you to look over as an exercise.

But what I've read so far, I'd say it's not moving fast enough. Enter late, leave early is one of the mantras of movie script writing and movie scripts have 120 pages to work with. Serialized comics have only 22. In general, the enter late, leave early idea is simply good story telling.

Some of the best stories I've read use this:

Watchmen - The Comedian is already dead. We're looking at his bloody smiley face button laying on the sidewalk and the camera zooms out from there.
Y: The Last Man - The men are already dead.
Hellboy Vol 1: Seeds of Destruction - The Allies and Nazis are already gathered at their respective henges.

And to pull from mine:
Dante has already undergone the implant surgery and is trying to recover himself.

To use more movies (I like movies):

The Usual Suspects - Karsai Sosa has already killed the crew.
Memento - The protagonist's wife is already dead.
The Fountain - The protagonist's wife is already dead and merge with a tree in a bubble he's riding to a nova.
Nemo - Marlin and his wife have already laid their eggs. A bit of a jump in story when he wakes up to find only one remains.

If you like, I'll read more and review it. I have it printed, so I don't have to sit at my desk to read it.

Yeah, I guess I have a problem with starting late. In comics there is something called a slow burn, that is in opposition to starting late. I am no good at that either.

The conversation on this page is really to prepare your mind for the nonsense that is about to happen on the next two pages. I am trying to create the Gap as Steven says.

Thanks for looking it over, Robert! I appreciate your insight!

Schuyler
06-15-2014, 03:25 AM
If you like, I'll read more and review it. I have it printed, so I don't have to sit at my desk to read it.

I would appreciate that. Thanks, Robert.

Robert_S
06-15-2014, 12:18 PM
Yeah, I guess I have a problem with starting late. In comics there is something called a slow burn, that is in opposition to starting late. I am no good at that either.


Well, I have a lot to learn then. I read books that tell the mechanics of creating comics, the history, psychology and appeal of comics, but this "slow burn" is new to me.


The conversation on this page is really to prepare your mind for the nonsense that is about to happen on the next two pages. I am trying to create the Gap as Steven says.


I'm still reading all his B&N articles, so there is probably concepts you're using that I haven't come to yet and the two books I read on storycraft were screenplay orientated, though I think Truby's "Anatomy of Story" has a broader appeal since he uses mostly movies (but particular book, "Ulysses") as examples, but he trashes the three act structure as being too mechanical and rigid to an organic story:

Not surprisingly, plot techniques such as “three-act structure” that do not account for both the whole story and the detailed plot threads fail miserably. Writers who use the old three-act structure techniques are always complaining about second-act problems. That’s because the techniques they use to create plot are fundamentally flawed. The mechanical and simplistic techniques of three-act structure don’t give you a precise map showing how to weave a great plot throughout the difficult middle section of the story.

Truby, John (2008-10-14). The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller (p. 256). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

I'm not accusing you of using a three-act structure, mind you. We tend to use a chapter or episode structure, but later on he says:

The average hit film in Hollywood today has seven to ten major reveals. Some kinds of stories, including detective stories and thrillers, have even more. The sooner you abandon three-act structure and learn the techniques of advanced plotting, the better off you will be.

Truby, John (2008-10-14). The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller (p. 285). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

It's kind of my goto reference for story points. Some use The Hero's Journey structure, but I'm starting to read complaints about its overuse. People can spot it easily and are getting tired of it.

Schuyler
06-15-2014, 01:54 PM
I'm still reading all his B&N articles, so there is probably concepts you're using that I haven't come to yet and the two books I read on storycraft were screenplay orientated, though I think Truby's "Anatomy of Story" has a broader appeal since he uses mostly movies (but particular book, "Ulysses") as examples, but he trashes the three act structure as being too mechanical and rigid to an organic story:

Not surprisingly, plot techniques such as ďthree-act structureĒ that do not account for both the whole story and the detailed plot threads fail miserably. Writers who use the old three-act structure techniques are always complaining about second-act problems. Thatís because the techniques they use to create plot are fundamentally flawed. The mechanical and simplistic techniques of three-act structure donít give you a precise map showing how to weave a great plot throughout the difficult middle section of the story.

Truby, John (2008-10-14). The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller (p. 256). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

I'm not accusing you of using a three-act structure, mind you. We tend to use a chapter or episode structure, but later on he says:

The average hit film in Hollywood today has seven to ten major reveals. Some kinds of stories, including detective stories and thrillers, have even more. The sooner you abandon three-act structure and learn the techniques of advanced plotting, the better off you will be.

Truby, John (2008-10-14). The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller (p. 285). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

It's kind of my goto reference for story points. Some use The Hero's Journey structure, but I'm starting to read complaints about its overuse. People can spot it easily and are getting tired of it.

Thanks, Robert. I probably need help with organizing my structure. Yes my story style is an attempt at being episodic, but I lack the knowledge of how it has been done before.

When Steven talks about writing for the gap, I think he means the gap of knowledge. You create an interest by making the reader aware of their missing knowledge of your story. I think you hit the nail on the head when you were talking about reveals.

This story used to start with page two and three. I inserted this page after some suggestions at my TPG. Steven made some suggestions about how to start my story. I added it to the beginning because I feel like it sets up the following pages well.

It seems that you made it about three panels in before you said it was moving too slow. It is possible that it was moving too slow with the old beginning too. I wanted the conversation between Yoshi and Javar to sound natural so I added small talk. Perhaps, that was my error.

Robert_S
06-15-2014, 03:10 PM
When Steven talks about writing for the gap, I think he means the gap of knowledge. You create an interest by making the reader aware of their missing knowledge of your story. I think you hit the nail on the head when you were talking about reveals.


Ok, I was wondering if "gap" was a different name for the gutter. So, now that we're on the same page...

Steven is right. There is some part of the story that needs to be held back. A good place to start is the backstory and since you start with David already in the wolf squadron, you have left some backstory out.

I'll read some more and get back to you. But for now, the zooming in on the building and eventual walk in works for me. In every part, the camera focuses on one thing. At first, the building doors, then the door inside, until it comes to Javar.

Schuyler
06-15-2014, 09:47 PM
Ok, I was wondering if "gap" was a different name for the gutter. So, now that we're on the same page...

Steven is right. There is some part of the story that needs to be held back. A good place to start is the backstory and since you start with David already in the wolf squadron, you have left some backstory out.

I'll read some more and get back to you. But for now, the zooming in on the building and eventual walk in works for me. In every part, the camera focuses on one thing. At first, the building doors, then the door inside, until it comes to Javar.

Thanks, Robert!

I believe this story has potential but I am still not sure if I am getting where I want.

Page one is supposed to create an interest in David's madness. Madness and death are some big themes in this story. David is not really crazy but he keeps getting caught in the synchronicity of his past lives and his current. In effect, he is remembering too much. His mind cannot cope with all the memories thus sometimes he cannot tell what time he is in.

The villain is also seemingly insane. A devout catholic named Nathaniel who speaks to aliens. However, the aliens speak to him telepathically and will appear as bubbles that are not connected to a visible body. After studying some of Earth's culture the aliens likened themselves to the Pope. They are highly religious beings. Nathaniel is a devout catholic and to the reader it will seem that he talks to a voice in his head that he refers to as "Your Holiness".

I am working with a couple gimmicks.

David dies at the end of each issue. As does his past alternate. In the first issue it is the Medieval knight, Henry.

In each issue, following the first, David will resurrect. Only, he will be following a different past life. In each issue David will get a small poem in his narration at the beginning paired with his resurrection and introducing the next alternate. I am planning for five issues. All five characters are introduced in David's dreams on page 2 and 3 of this issue.

You have been helpful because I think you are better at writing a story. Thank you! And I would appreciate any insight you have on all this.