View Full Version : Reason Revised

03-19-2014, 09:37 PM
I really need some advise on some writing. The artist for this project is already drawing it. Be as critical as possible, please. I need to know everything. Is it engaging/interesting, hows the dialog/story, do you think that it is good enough to continue to pursue?


Synopsis “Reason”

John Saunders is a young man who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. John's mother and father passed away early in his life, and now John is left with only one living relative. John handled the passing of his parents a lot better than his brother, who turned to extreme drug use.

John tries to help his brother out of his seemingly endless battle with drugs, and is then submerged in a world of deceit and murder. He later discovers that his brother, Tommy, moonlights as a legendary hit man known as The Ghostborn. John and Tommy are caught up in a two man war on drugs, leading up to the inevitable showdown with the drug kingpin.

Steven Forbes
03-19-2014, 10:05 PM
Nope. Not going to touch this.

The reason is simple: you're wrong.

If the artist is already drawing this, then you're wrong in looking for help now, because if things change, the artist did work for nothing.

If you're paying the artist, then you may have wasted money, because if things change, then they may (rightfully) ask to be paid for work already done.

You're wrong. What you should have done is hired an editor, or at the very least, asked for help from someone before you hired an artist.

So, no, I'm not going to touch this, because you're doing it backwards. I've been here before, and because the artist is already working on something, the writer, while wanting help, is usually reluctant to make necessary changes because of the work the artist has done.

Your flow should have been script, editing, and then art. Doing it any other way is asking for trouble and will only cause heartache.

That's my opinion. Maybe someone else will have a different one.

03-20-2014, 05:46 AM
You see i didn't mean to cause that kind of issue. This has already been edited. I have had several people read it and I have amended it accordingly.

I was confident that I liked where it was at when I had the artist start working on it, and he and I will not be getting paid until it is published. I am just having second thoughts, worried about the fact that I feel like we may have rushed it a bit. If this is our best chance at a published book right now then I don't think that my artist will mind all that much because his dream is the same as mine.

If you do not wish to comment, well ok. I just have a hard time getting honest criticism out of people I know.

I apologize for wasting your time,

Steven Forbes
03-20-2014, 06:16 AM
It isn't wasting my time. I didn't read it, because the artist has already started work.

And doing it back-end is even worse. You have an artist toiling away for no pay, and then you're asking for help, which may cause their work to go unused and more work to be done.

Have you even asked them to stop work while you do more revisions to the script? Do they even know you're asking for help?

You want real help, bite the bullet and hire an editor. They'll do what they can to save your life. If you can't afford to hire an editor, you can't afford to create comics. (Here's what's going to happen: you have someone doing work on the back end, which means no one is getting paid. You're hoping to get picked up by a publisher, which isn't going to happen, because the work isn't professional. There are few creators worth their salt who will work on back end. If you can't afford to pay your artist, you can't afford to pay for the rest of the creative team. If you can't afford your creative team, you can't afford printing. If you can't afford printing, you can't afford distribution. Because the art isn't up to snuff, a distributor isn't going to touch it. You'll have to step up and contact shops yourself, sending preview copies, and hoping they take pity and pick up the book. Then you're going to have to get the books to the shops yourself. The costs add up. You can mitigate these by scraping up the money to pay a creative team for a story you really, really believe in.)

This sounds harsh, I know. You want honest criticism, there are places to get it: here (if anyone wants to comment on it), The Proving Grounds at ComixTribe.com, possibly some other sites such as Penciljack.

There are resources available. You just have to seek them out. And if you truly believe in a story, then you pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Again, these are my thoughts. I've made some assumptions, but that's because I've been doing this for a while. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. But the best way to get your creation made is to get some money together and pay the crew. If you can't, you're going to run into a lot of frustration. It is the rare creator that can get a quality book made through sheer collaboration.

Hopefully, this will help you. (http://www.comixtribe.com/2013/03/05/bn-week-115-editorial-flow/)

03-20-2014, 03:53 PM
That does help more than you know. And that is kinda what I needed.

Mostly I wanted to see where I was with the writing, I didn't want to rewrite what I had posted here, at least not the script. I do need to know if the synopsis is interesting. I am prepared to rewrite that portion. As far as a creative team, well you will find many of people online with professional level art, lettering, inking, or coloring ability, who are just looking for the chance to be published. A few of which I have contacted and who are interested in working for the sake of being found or getting out there. All of which are far more talented than I.

This script is a rewrite already. It has been rewritten as per request from a publisher in order for re-submission. I am a bit unprofessional I guess, but at this point I do not know what I am doing. I am just learning as I go. As far as the story, I am confident it can be done, the lack of confidence is just in myself. I will try out the Proving ground once more.

Thank you.

03-20-2014, 08:31 PM
If you didn't have complaints from the artist, "your first reader", everything may be OK.

I agree with this:
What you should have done is hired an editor, or at the very least, asked for help from someone before you hired an artist
Every writer should hire an editor or ask for help before hiring an artist. Always.
More, being a first timer in comics writing.

03-21-2014, 12:25 PM
Thanks guys, I have a ways to go.