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New Way
08-17-2013, 01:06 AM
Distracting in the second panel or does it work?

http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/214/b/9/white_rose_pg5_by_toviorogers-d6bqnuz.png

lordmagnusen
08-17-2013, 01:25 AM
I think it works.

Piekos
08-17-2013, 09:23 AM
Feels awkward. There are other places you could fit the balloons without bridging the tip of that dagger.

The bigger problem here is that your text rarely fits comfortably in the balloons, and your balloon tails are all different widths. Missing some commas, too.

~N

HdE
08-17-2013, 05:28 PM
I would add: While it's good to place balloons in the negative space ina panel, don't be afraid to overlap them with character art. That can be a HUGE space saver.

The rule there is: DO NOT obscure faces. I prefer not to cover hands either. But any other part of the character art is fair game. Check out the comic books on your shelf, and you'll find that it happens more than you might at first think.

iRacingRyan
08-17-2013, 06:20 PM
I've never lettered a day in my life, although I've been lurking about slowly observing:

At first pass, I didn't notice it. I specifically read the lettering example first, then went back and read the initial post to see what the topic was about. Now I can't unsee it. If I were attempting the page, the balloons in Panel 2 would be along the right side.

The "FWHIPP"...would it be better placed directly underneath the hand, or would that be breaking any sort of rule? I assume it comes after the dialogue in the actual script? Or perhaps distorted to fit within the motion arc?

HdE
08-18-2013, 10:00 PM
Interesting point about the SFX in panel 3.

Two things spring to mind. One: I'd personally encourage use of 'solid' SFX here. Transparent type is one of those things that sounds cool, but isn't really so hot on a printed page. It can affect readability quite a bit, and it always seems to print unpredicatbly. I've literally only EVER used that sort of effect when a client has flat out demanded it.

As for the placement of it... I've always personally considered that SFX should be situated close to the 'source' of the sound, for clarity. In this instance, I'd look for a way to place the SFX in the arcing motion lines underneath the throwing arm. Tricky, and intimidating, but it looks so nice when done well.

JimCampbell
08-19-2013, 07:42 AM
I'd pretty much agree with what's been said here…

Your balloon placement is generally spot on, as you can see below. However, I've dropped your page onto a standard US comic template and your text looks to be about 4pt, which would be waaay too small.

Hopefully, you can see from the quick re-letter below, simply stacking the lines of text differently and butting the balloons to the panel borders means you can make the text larger and actually the same or less space. You also seem to be taking great pains to keep the SFX off the artwork, when the logical place for them is often on the relevant part of the art.

Ideally, I wouldn't have the balloons in panel 2 sitting on the character's hair, but you're limited in options given the layout the artist has chosen…

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb36/jimcampbell2000/White_Rose_Lett_Demo_zps265954ad.jpg

Cheers!

Jim