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whdvorak
08-03-2013, 10:11 AM
Hello All,
Here is a submission for the 2012 Top Cow talent search that was rejected. I went through it again the other day and wound up doing a serious edit to it. I had a hard time with this script. I was not very engaged with the characters offered in the try out and I think it showed in the end result. I think my favorite part of this is Dr. Hail.


Page 1 (5 panels)

Panel 1
Extreme close up of a little girl's hands, as she sets a girl doll at a tiny table. On the table are tiny tea cups and a tiny tea pot. The girl is Glorianna.

Glorianna: (OP)
You sit here Mrs. Butters.

Panel 2
Extreme close up like panel 1, Glorianna places another little girl doll at the tiny table.

Glorianna: (OP)
Ah Mrs. flower so glad you could make it.

Panel 3
Another extreme close up like panel 1 and 2. This time a stuffed elephant is being placed at the table.

Glorianna: (OP)
Mr. Trunk please take your seat.

Panel 4
Extreme close up of the last doll, a clown is seated at the tiny table.

Glorianna: (OP)
Welcome Mr. Happy. You know Mr. Trunk and Mrs. Flower and Mrs. Butters.

Panel 5
Glorianna, a little girl in a cute dress sits cross legged inside a barn, playing tea with her dolls. She holds an Army solider doll at attention next to the table.

CAP
When I was a child, I played by myself mostly. Father said it was because I was special, but I knew better than to believe him.


Page 2

Panel 1
Glorianna makes the army doll walk around the tiny table.

CAP
I had not learned my skills of diplomacy and persuasion yet.

Glorianna:
Is the tea good?

Panel 2
Close up of Glorianna holding the doll of Mrs. Butters, making the doll respond.

Glorianna: (OP)
Oh Yes Mr. Solider, the tea is very tasty.

Panel 3
Glorianna holds the clown doll of Mr. Happy, moving it to show it's speaking.

Glorianna: (OP)
Oh yes Mr. Solider, it's the best tea ever.

Panel 4
Close up of the tiny table and the dolls around it, as a yellowish liquid showers down from off panel.

Glorianna:(OP)
You've all been very bad and not following orders.

Glorianna:(OP)
Oh were sorry Mr. Solider. Please forgive us.

Panel 5
Little Glorianna pours gas out of a can onto the dolls. The solider doll is tucked safely under her arm.

Glorianna:(burst)
We promise to be good from now on!

Glorianna:(burst)
Yes! Oh Yes! We will be good!

Glorianna:
You are weak and don't follow orders and when you don't follow orders, you get punished.
Page 3 (Splash Page)

Panel 1
Glorianna, drops a match onto the tea party and a bonfire erupts before her. Behind, Glorianna, the barn door is open and in the distance men rush toward the barn. Glorianna holds the solider doll in front of her, talking for it with a malicious smile on her face.

CAP
Mother didn't realize I heard them talking about me at night. She was afraid of me, her own daughter.

Glorianna:
Mr. Solider Do we have to burn them?

CAP
To some children, it would be devastating if their Mommy was afraid of them.

Glorianna:
Oh yes Glorianna we have to, if you refuse to obey orders, you must be punished.

CAP
I wasn't sad that Mommy was afraid of me; I liked it.


Page 4 (4 panels)

Panel 1
Glorianna is scooped up into the arms of her father who rushes her out of the burning barn. The view should be as Glorianna looks back into the barn. The animals not seen in the previous panels, are inside and beginning to panic.

Glorianna's Father: (Burst)
Glori, honey! What did you do!

Panel 2
Glorianna, watches her father dash back to the burning barn. Mr. Solider is cradled in her arms lovingly.

Panel 3
Same as panel two, but, Glorianna's, mother stands next to her. Her father struggles with a hose, as a neighbor comes to help fight the fire.

Glorianna's Mother:
Oh, Glori, what did you do!?!

Panel 4
Glorianna's, mother looks down at her mesmerized daughter. Glorianna sparkling eyes are wide with wonder as she watches the flames.

Glorianna:
Oh, Mommy, isn't it beautiful?

CAP
My mother didn't answer, she just stared at me. It wasn't long after that the Marauders came and took my parents away from me.

CAP
And from that day forward, I felt a great love for the swaying beauty of fire.


Page 5 (3 panels)

Panel 1
An Adult, Glorianna, stands next to a hole in the ground that leads into the Majlis al Jinn (Gathering place of the Jinn, in the Sultanate of Oman). Glorianna, is dressed in tan combat fatigues and is accompanied by Dr. Loren Hail, a studious looking archeologist and two henchmen. Several local tribesmen in turbans and the long white Dishdasha robes set up repelling equipment.

CAP:
Sultanate of Oman, present day.

Dr. Hail:
Isn't it amazing Ms. Silver? This is the ninth largest cavern in the world.

Glorianna:
Your sure this is the place? I enjoy traveling to exotic locations as much as the next girl, but this better not be a waste of my time.

Panel 2
Birds eye view of Dr. Hail on all fours, looking over the lip of the cave entrance which is a hole in the ground. Glorianna and her Henchmen are putting on their harnesses.

Dr. Hail:
Oh this is the place all right. And down there is an undiscovered mystery from the ancient world.

Glorianna:
I have my doubts, especially its being in such a well known location.

Dr. Hail:
Oh it's there. I've seen the photos of the carvings and they match the ancient texts I'm studying. To the untrained eye, the capstone looks like a large rock.

Panel 3
This panel is one third of the page. There are several images online that depict climbers repelling into the cave. Huge shafts of sun light coming through the opening illuminate the climbers descending into the cavern.

CAP
Majlis al Jinn. Gathering place of the Jinn.


Page 6 (4 panels)

Panel 1
Glorianna, stands on the cave floor with her henchmen. She talks into a radio, as she stares up at the
entrance.

CAP
The moment we began to descend I could feel it.

Glorianna:
Come along Dr. Hail. I'm not paying you to stay up there and watch.

Dr. Hail: (Electronic from radio)
Are you sure I can't stay up here and tell you what to look for?

Panel 2
Over the shoulder view from Glorianna as she scans the massive interior of the cave.

CAP
The very air of the cave hummed with power, energizing me.

Glorianna:
If you don't come down here, I will ruin your career and make sure you never work in your field again. Understood?

Dr. Hail: (Electronic from radio)
Understood Ms. Silver.

Panel 3:
Glorianna, kneels on the cave floor, her outstretched palm hovering over the floor. Her yes glow softly red and a smile crosses her face. Behind her Dr. Hail reaches the floor of the cave and clumsily falls down.

Dr. Hail:
Ouch!

Glorianna:
I can feel the power Dr. Hail. Where is this Capstone?

Panel 4
Glorianna's henchmen, grab Dr. Hail and drag him to his feet.


Page 7 (4 panels)

Panel 1
Glorianna, points, to a large obelisk like rock on the floor of the cave. Dr. Hail runs toward it hurriedly.

CAP
The stone pulled at me like it was a magnet and I, a piece of metal.

Dr. Hail:
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!

Panel 2
Glorianna and her two henchmen approach the obelisk, as Dr. Hail excitedly runs his hands across the stones surface.

Dr. Hail:
Oh this is it, if you look at the base, you can see it's not a naturally occurring formation.

Panel 3
Over the shoulder view of Dr. Hail as he brushes away dust from an old inscription in unknown hieroglyphs. Carved into the stone above the writing, is a triangle surrounded in flame. Dr. Hail has a notepad out and is studying them.

Dr. Hail:
Yes! Of course others have known about this, but none have been able to decipher it, until I found the key.

Panel 4
The same as panel 3 but the hieroglyphs and the flaming triangle begin glowing like red embers.

Dr. Hail: (Awed voice)
When I got a hold of a copy of the hieroglyphs, I compared them with some writings I came across in ancient Persian...of...whats happening?



Page 8 (4 panels)

Panel 1
A teenage, Glorianna, stands before a class in a private school. All the students are snickering and giggling, while the teacher stares at, Glorianna, with an expression of wide eyed shock.

Glorianna:
The achievements of the Third Reich, like their reorganization of a bankrupt country and the ability to provide a stable government, were overshadowed by Hitler's petty hatred of other nationalities and religions.

CAP
In school I was always fascinated by the lives of emperors and dictators.

Panel 2
Glorianna, seen from behind as she speaks to the class. Some of the class are shocked much like the teacher, but most are trying hard to hold in their laughter.

CAP
Of course I never expected my classmates to understand, they were sheep.

Glorianna:
Thus we can see, that while a dictatorship has many advantages, a dictatorship is only as strong as the dictator's flaws allow.

Panel 3
Glorianna's, teacher asks a question, which, Glorianna, answers with an almost bored response.

Teacher:
And that is why a dictatorship is not a good form of government, right Ms. Silver?

Glorianna:
On the contrary, I think dictatorships are the perfect form of government. The masses usually need direction, because they lack the ability to think for themselves.

Panel 4
Glorianna, sits down at her desk, oblivious to the sneers and snickers from the other students.


Teacher: (OP)
Ah...thank you, Glorianna. Now if you could all turn to page 145 in your textbooks.

CAP
Being among the common folk, allowed me to practice my skills of persuasion and manipulation.


Page 9

Panel 1
As the class lets out, Glorianna, walks to her next class, as group of students lead by, Sara, a bratty blonde follow and pick on her.

Sara:
There she is. Weirdest girl at school. Hey weirdo, why don't you do us a favor and donate yourself to science.

Collected Students:
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

Panel 2
Glorianna, comes to stand in front of, Sara, and her friends. Her demeanor is one of curiosity and mild irritation.

CAP
I allowed Sara her pathetic attempt at bullying, simply to build the drama of the confrontation.

Glorianna:
Sara, I will warn you once and only once. Apologize to me at once and never speak to me again.

Panel 3
Extreme close up of, Glorianna's, hand tightly holding a pencil like a knife at her side.

Sara: (OP)
Ha, what did you just say to me, you weird little tart?

Panel 4
Without another word, Glorianna, stabs, Sara, in the leg with her pencil.

Panel 5
Glorianna, takes a casual step back and smirks at the shocked students.

Glorianna:
As you wish.



Page 10 (5 panel)

Panel 1
Glorianna, throws her books into the face of a nearby girl and punches a boy in the face.

CAP
Naturally if all that happened was my stabbing, Sara, I would have been singled out for punishment.
Knowing this I enlisted Sara's friends into a brawl.

Panel 2
Glorianna, gets hit in the face by the boy she just punched.

CAP
Properly motivated, the boy hit me, turning my act of violence into a fight where, Sara, and her friends were beating on a single girl.

Panel 3
Glorianna, leg swipes another of the students.

Panel 4
Glorianna, grabs another girl by the shoulders.

Girl:
Glorianna, please I didn't do anything.

Glorianna:
You laughed.

Panel 5
Glorianna, head buts the girl in the face.


Page 11 (Splash Page with one small insert in bottom right corner)

Panel 1
Glorianna, slumps to the floor with the girl she head butted. The hall is littered with crying, beaten and shocked students. The boy who punched, Glorianna, stands above them with clenched fists. A teacher pushes his way through the crowd toward them.

Glorianna:
Oh, thank god you've come. They were beating me up.

Gloriana: (SFX)
Sob!

Panel 2 (Small insert in the lower right corner)
Extreme close up of, Glorianna, with a wicked smile hidden behind her hands.