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whdvorak
07-16-2013, 06:27 PM
Hello again all,
Here is another short script I had done a little while back for a submission. I would like to say, that not all of my scripts titles have the word, stranger in them :) enjoy.

William Dvorak
959 Brentwood St
Lakewood, CO 80214
whdvorak@gmail.com

The Stranger

PAGE 1 (6 panels)

Panel 1
Alexis lies in bed, the covers pulled up to her chin. Her dark hair lays is disarray on the pillow. Her expression is one of tired boredom.

CAP:
Monday Night.

CAP:
Insomnia is no fun.

Panel 2
Alexis turns her head to look at the clock on her nightstand.

CAP:
I've tried everything. All the old wives tales, like warm milk, to the newest pills. The milk left a bad taste in my mouth and the last pills I took made me do things I didn't remember.

Panel 3 (Small Panel)
Extreme close up of the blurry digital readout of the clock on her nightstand. The clock shows 4:01 A.M. Alexis' glasses sit next to the clock.

Panel 4
From Alexis POV, looking into her dark bedroom. There should be plenty of light play in the room, from moonlight that comes through her windows. The room is pretty standard with nondescript furniture. One of the windows should be prominent in the panel.

CAP:
The side effects of sleep deprivation are pretty serious. I've read the articles that say it increases your chances of all kinds of illnesses. And can lead to a type of dementia and even hallucinations.

Panel 5
From Alexis POV, as she looks at the window from panel 4. Standing next to the prominent window from panel 4, of this page, is a blurry white stranger. The stranger should glow slightly and stand almost at attention. Even out of focus, the stranger should be seen to have a slightly larger bald head and solid black eyes. The stranger also wears a solid unadorned jumpsuit of a color that matches it's skin color. The Stranger is also thin.

Panel 6
Alexis has sat up in bed with fright. She grabs her glasses and put them on in a hurry but the room is empty and she is alone.



PAGE 2 (6 panels)

Panel 1
Alexis back in her bed, the sheets pulled up to her neck again. She looks tired and bored just like in panel one, page one.

CAP:
Tuesday night.

CAP:
At the end of my day, I lie awake in my bed again, wondering if I'm going insane. Did I see that stranger last night?

Panel 2
Alexis turns her head toward the clock on her nightstand which reads 4:01 A.M. Her glasses sit next to the clock.

CAP:
I almost have myself convinced I didn't see anything and I should see a Doctor.

Panel 3
Viewed from Alexis looking out into her room. The scene should be blurry.

Panel 4
Same view as panel 3 but this time the stranger has appeared again and stands closer to her bed.

CAP:
And then I really think I'm loosing it when I see it again.

Panel 5
Over the shoulder of the white glowing stranger. This will be the first time we see the stranger clearly. We will only see the back of the stranger and not it's face.

Panel 6
Extreme close up of Alexis face, terrified with wide eyed fear.



Page 3 (6 panels)

Panel 1
Alexis stands at her window with a hammer and nails, nailing it shut.

CAP:
Wednesday

CAP:
The next day I frantically attempt to make my house safe.

Panel 2
Close up of Alexis face, as she continues to hammer. She is visibly exhausted with bags under her eyes and poor color to her face.

CAP:
I lock all my doors and nail my windows shut. I tell myself this will help against a person, who seems to appear out of thin air.

Panel 3
Alexis stands next to her bed looking down at her nightstand. On the nightstand next to her clock is a medicine bottle.

CAP:
Maybe I should take my medicine again? Maybe I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep? Maybe I'm acting crazy and there is no mysterious stranger.

Panel 4
Alexis moves a chest of drawers in front of her bedroom door.

CAP:
And what happens if I take the medicine and fall asleep and the stranger shows up? The thought of that scared me more than the thought of going crazy.

Panel 5
Alexis is in bed again, the covers pulled up to her neck. This time, her glasses are on and while she still has bags under her eyes, she appears alert watching the room through narrowed eyes.

Panel 6
Extreme close up of the clock on the nightstand. The time reads 4:00 A.M.



Page 4 (6 panels)

Panel 1
View from over the shoulder of the stranger. It stands next to Alexis bed, starring down at her. Alexis stares back up at the figure in wide eyed terror. Alexis' glasses are on this time.

CAP:
At 4:01 A.M. The stranger arrived.

Panel 2
From Alexis POV, lying in her bed. Alexis looks up at the stranger starring down at her. The figure has characteristics of a typical gray alien with a bald head and very small ears and nose and mouth. His eyes are very large and solid black. He wears a one piece jumpsuit the same color as his pale whitish skin. The figure displays no emotion at all.

Panel 3
Alexis jumps up from her bed, throwing covers off and brandishing a large kitchen knife.

Panel 4
Alexis knocks the figure to the floor and stabs it repeatedly. White blood spurts and splatters as she stabs the stranger.

Panel 5
Alexis is in her back yard, shovel in hand and covered in dirt. She pats down the dirt, of fresh grave she buried the stranger in. The sun should be seen just starting to come up in the background.

CAP:
I don't know what surprised me more, the fact I just killed someone or something? The fact that I buried it in my backyard with no concerns...

Panel 6
Close up of Alexis sleeping in her bed a smile on her face.

CAP:
...or the fact I slept like a baby afterwards.



Page 5 (6 panels)

Panel 1
A very healthy Alexis in a business suit, cooks breakfast in her kitchen. A small TV sits on the counter playing the morning news.

CAP:
Nine months later.

NEWSMAN (Electronic from TV)
Thanks for the weather Tom. And now for a rather alarming story, that some are calling the strangest case of mass hysteria in history. While others call it, a sign of the end times.

CAP:
Ever since I killed the Stranger I have slept like a rock.

Panel 2
Alexis sits at her kitchen table with her breakfast and coffee. She begins reading the paper. We can see the TV on the counter behind her.

CAP:
Now that I ccoul sleep, I had more energy and was vastly more productive at work. I was even in line for a promotion.

NEWSMAN (Electronic from TV)
A startling amount of women around the world, have been giving birth under mysterious circumstances.

Panel 3
Close up of the newspaper in Alexis' hands, the headline says, Mysterious Stranger. The picture is obviously a composite sketch like the ones used by the police. The sketch is of the stranger Alexis killed.

Panel 4
Alexis has put down her newspaper and is now watching the TV. The composite sketch is now on the screen of the TV.

NEWSMAN (Electronic from TV)
There is no denying that millions of women all over the world, have been giving birth to babies with uncannily similar features.

Panel 5
Close up of the TV screen. On the TV screen we see the face of a baby. The baby is a new born and has solid black eyes and similar features to the stranger.

NEWSMAN (Electronic from TV, OP)
Many of these women also claim to have been visited by a stranger, in what many described as a disturbing dream.


Panel 6
The shot pulls back showing Alexis sitting at the table, her breakfast untouched. The newspaper has fallen to the floor and lays scattered about. Clenched in Alexis' hand is the same large kitchen knife she used to kill the stranger.

CAP:
I had almost been able to put the Stranger out of my head. Now a sick feeling crept into my stomach and I realized, I could have been one of those pregnant women.

The End

Tim West
07-26-2013, 09:03 AM
I enjoyed the story very much (even though the first 4 pages are pretty much the same thing happening over and over) except for the final panel...the ending. What's going on? Why has she got the knife? And why did you go for such a weak ending? The final build up of the last page page all points somewhere else but in the end you just go 'and nothing happened'.

Also, on page 4, the jump from killing the alien to burying him seems really rushed.