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View Full Version : My first try in a while.


spectre216
05-31-2013, 04:07 PM
I took a go at one of our lettering activities, since I haven't done to much of this lately. Looking for some C&C if anyone has the time.

http://i.imgur.com/iSal8mn.png

Jeff LeBlanc
05-31-2013, 06:01 PM
- I'm not sure why your lettering is almost double-spaced. There's waaaay too much space between lines of text.

- The coloring on the text boxes is too similar to the grass color. Your text has effectively become camouflaged.

- Personally, I really don't like the font. It's not appropriate to the subject matter as it comes off as bouncy and cartoony.

Jeff LeBlanc
05-31-2013, 06:05 PM
Despite the loooooong string of connectors, the sequence of *panels* becomes confused, especially since you've got two balloons attached to panel five and one of them comes from panel 3.

paul brian deberry
06-01-2013, 11:05 AM
I agree with Jeff word for word.

Another thing. When posting images. Upload a smaller image and add a link to the full image. Easier to view on small monitors.

JimCampbell
06-01-2013, 11:33 AM
You've done this page before, and I've critted it before. I don't know how you can have ended up with this new version if you took any notice at all of what other professional letterers and I told you the last time.

Déjà vu all over again. (http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1769358&postcount=26)

I'm sorry if I sound irritated… actually, no, I'm not sorry if I sound irritated because I am irritated. If you're going to ignore professional advice when it's given to you, then you are wasting everyone's time.

(I know the example I use in that previous post was someone else's, but it was in response to your last attempt at this page, and much of it was directly relevant to your previous attempt.)

Jim

paul brian deberry
06-01-2013, 12:02 PM
wow. a month short of year. you've been working on that page a loooong time. I thought I was a slow worker.

To be fair it looks like he's made some changes.

Made an effort to fix the flow problem. The other things are made worst by the double spacing.

paul brian deberry
06-01-2013, 12:07 PM
in case you're confused about the crossbar I (which you did again with this sample.

"This is probably the biggest mistake seen amongst amateur letterers. An "I" with the crossbars on top and bottom is virtually only used for the personal pronoun, "I." The only other allowable use of the "crossbar I" is in acronyms (like, F.B.I). Any other instance of the letter should just be the vertical stroke version. Although I would debate it, you occasionally see the "crossbar I" used as the first letter of someone's name." - Blambot.com

spectre216
06-01-2013, 05:52 PM
You've done this page before, and I've critted it before. I don't know how you can have ended up with this new version if you took any notice at all of what other professional letterers and I told you the last time.

Déjà vu all over again. (http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1769358&postcount=26)

I'm sorry if I sound irritated… actually, no, I'm not sorry if I sound irritated because I am irritated. If you're going to ignore professional advice when it's given to you, then you are wasting everyone's time.

(I know the example I use in that previous post was someone else's, but it was in response to your last attempt at this page, and much of it was directly relevant to your previous attempt.)

Jim

I would like to start off by apologizing, I didn't mean this post to irritate you. I didn't ignore your advise, but instead tried to redo the page without looking at my old page or the page you showed (to avoid accidentally just copying either of them.) I tried to fix the flow issues that I had in my original post. However, in hindsight, if I had looked I would have been able to stop myself from repeating my mistakes. So I apologize.

As for crossbar I's, I misunderstood what I's were supposed to be crossbar (somehow I thought it was only ones that started a sentence or a name) so I also apologize for that too.

I'm not trying to upset, irritate, or ignore you or anyone else, only practice again without looking back at what exactly I did almost a year ago. I felt that if I just did it again starting with what I had then and what was wrong with it then, then I would only know that things were wrong, but not see why they were wrong (I feel like this makes more sense in my head then it does typed out).

Here is my attempt to fix the page, after looking at all of your original corrections. I still kind of feel as if I just copied it, so I tried to change some things. I see why the original would confuse people (I don't think I saw it at first though, because I knew how I wanted it to flow).

http://i.imgur.com/4xKRxGJ.png

HIEROPHANTOM
06-04-2013, 08:52 AM
I think this is a lot better than the first post. The font and the spacing in the bubbles reads much nicer.

The connector of the female character from panel 2 to panel 3. Does that need to be there. Why not just rework it and have the female character speaking in panel 3 - have a tail to her in panel 3.

Also in panel 4, I am not sure that it flows with the bubbles moving from right to left. Try flipping that and have the bubbles running from top left to bottom right. Should still fit in the space and flow better.

Cheers

Pb

spectre216
06-05-2013, 01:30 PM
So more like this?

http://i.imgur.com/L6fAsXM.jpg