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New Way
04-21-2013, 02:50 AM
Does this read clearly?
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/110/c/5/adventure_society_lettered_by_newway12-d62ga8t.jpg

ColbyAddison
04-21-2013, 04:52 AM
I didn't have a problem with it. IF I were to do anything different with it, I may alter the Caption Borders a bit. Just to add more of a difference between it and the word balloons. But it's certainly not needed in my opinion.

Evan Henry
04-21-2013, 05:19 AM
It reads fine. I would make the border a little thicker, though (ditto for the balloon), and perhaps give the text a little more breathing room. If you bring the font size down by five or ten pt (and you really should, as it's rather big at the moment), you can leave the boxes' size as is and just center the smaller text within it.

A couple other notes:

- The caption in panel two is tangenting pretty severely with the edge of that note.

- In panel three, you can move the balloon a few clicks north, redraw it with the tail coming out the right side at between eighty and hundred degrees, sandwiching it between the wing on her helmet and her shoulder, just covering a little of her hair. This isn't a big problem, but I think it would look slightly better.

- "We'll" should be "well."

- The lettering on the note is not parallel to the plane of the paper itself. I would rotate it counter-clockwise by at least five degrees. For "Building~," you might have to retype the word and adjust the mask that covers the portion of the "B" beneath her thumb.

- I would downsize the SFX and move it down and to the right to get it off her arm.

- For the next-to-last panel I might try a different text arrangement once you've downsized, to see if you can't get a shape more similar to the shape of the panel itself. Maybe something like:

Every fall the sorority
invites one promising
freshman into their ranks.

- That exclamation point in the SFX looks weird. I wouldn't use it unless the script specifically calls for it. If the script does call for it, then it's decidedly not your problem.

ColbyAddison
04-21-2013, 06:06 PM
Now that it has been brought to attention, I gotta say I agree with SuperMonkey on all the notes provided. I didn't even notice em before, good eye.

New Way
04-25-2013, 12:54 AM
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/114/6/a/adventure_society_page_2_letters_by_newway12-d62wyua.png

Evan Henry
04-25-2013, 01:13 AM
Looks pretty good! Kudos to you for avoiding the common crossbar-I mistake, by the way. Minor nitpicks follow.

Panel 1 - Fine, but I would have the tail leading off-panel.

Panel 2 - She's talking out her wrist.

Panel 3 - There's no reason for the balloon to be there. Move it to the empty air at the top left of her head and adjust accordingly.

Panel 6 - That balloon tail is in a very awkward position. I would pretty much flip it along the vertical axis, avoiding covering up the redhead's face and sliding by along the other girl's arm in the direction of her mouth.

cyxodus
04-25-2013, 03:08 PM
Is this for web or print?

Evan Henry
04-25-2013, 10:35 PM
Another thing I noticed, and which I think cyxodus may have been getting at, is that while the second page is about 30% larger than the first, the type is (relative to the computer screen) a little smaller. While I do think the type on the first page was too large, I have a feeling that for print the second page may come out with microscopic copy. (I'm in the middle of a move at the moment and don't have my printer hooked up, or I would check it myself.)