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View Full Version : Theodicy: Issue 2, Scene 1


Screwtape Jenkins
04-11-2013, 08:35 PM
Hey, guys. Thought I'd offer up the first few pages of the second issue of my comic Theodicy (http://theodicycomic.blogspot.com/) for critique. Here's the link:

Theodicy Issue 2, Scene 1 (https://workspaces.acrobat.com/?d=JBPd31SFOBe6dfIRufZFZg)

It's a stand-alone scene so don't worry about the fact that you don't know what happened in issue one.

Just looking for feedback as to whether the action was clear.

Thanks!

ikester
04-23-2013, 08:18 PM
Hey,

So here are some things that jumped out at me while I was reading it.

PAGE 1: It says we are looking down at them but judging by the fact that we can see their visors and down the scope of the Commander's rocket launcher, it must not be above but maybe at an angle? Also, are the tanks behind the dozen soldiers? I believe they are but you did not say so I just wanted to bring that to your attention.

PAGE 2-1: I think you should lose the word huddled if they are looking through individual windows, as the next panel implies.

PAGE 2-2,3,4 (forgive my numbering): Are there three windows, where they are all looking out one? Not to be a jerk but that would look sort of ridiculous if they are scared (which they have every reason to be.)

Also, I would say to consider your paneling for this page. You have 4 close ups after one panel that would probably take up the width of a page, but most of these panels would probably only need to small; do you want the remaining 4 panels to take up this much space when there is that little that happens in them?

PAGE 3: Ok, I see now that there are more people and this explains the window situation a bit better, but I'm stilll unclear. I would say that I think that if you specifically enumerate a certain number of people in the house here, you should detail it a bit more earlier.

PAGE 4: This page is very clear, well done! Only comment would be that on panel 5 considering writing it as something like a profile view or a rightside-up view of Graves instead of new angle, just because that doesn't really mean anything.

PAGE 5-2: I'm not clear on what you mean by his torso being behind her. Is she still facing away from him?

All pretty minor, but there you go!

Screwtape Jenkins
04-24-2013, 02:49 AM
Thanks for the notes, ikester!