View Full Version : Writer with noirish sci-fi series seeks artist/collaborator and feedback

03-23-2013, 08:06 PM

I'm a new member on Digital Webbing with a comic series in script form. I'd like to find an artist/collaborator or at the very least get some feedback on my writing.

The series is based on a short film I made about 7 years ago. To give you an idea of the type of story it is... I have the original short film on you tube, the title there is Pale Dark: XII. The scripts expand tremendously upon that 'teaser' film.


Basically, it's a noirish, sci-fi epic.

Just a little background on myself: I went to film school back in the mid 2000's and have written several feature length scripts and short film scripts. I've recently started writing a comic book based on the short film I made several years ago. Back when I made the film, I had written several additional episodes to be made into short films... however, budgetary and time restraints proved too limiting to do the story justice, so the project was shelved.

Fast forward to October 2012, I started looking at my old notes and expanding on them with hopes to start filming them again. Again, the budgetary restraints started stifling my creativity and I was about to give up, when my good friend, Drew, suggested I turn the series into a comic book. The idea of being able to put things on the paper as I conceptualized without concerns of budget or practicality really struck a chord with me. So...

A little over a month ago, I decided to start writing a comic script based on my original idea. I have since outlined a minimum 24 story arc, constructed an ever expanding 18 page "Bible" of the universe and have completed the scripts for the first 8 issues.

Unfortunately, the only feedback I've had is from my loving wife, who of course says it good (but she's not into sci-fi or comics), but her credibility may be as questionable as my mother's haha.

I have a friend who was going to illustrate, but his freelance workload suddenly took off. So, as of now I am without an artist/collaborator.

If you're interested in taking a look at issue 1 please PM me where to send a pdf copy.

As I am new to Digital Webbing, what is the preferred method of sharing scripts for feedback in the forum?

I look forward to collaborating/hearing back from you.


03-23-2013, 09:44 PM
Thanks to Carl Shinyama on penciljack for figuring out how to post a pdf on here... Click on the following link to read the pdf version of Pale Dark issue 1.


Thanks to those who read it. Hope you enjoy it too!


04-04-2013, 05:23 PM
Some Pale Dark character sketches provided by Ruvel Abril. This is the look and style I'm going for with this series.

PALE MAN - the main villain.

SUBJECT K - Our hero


I'm still looking for an artist who wants to tackle the series... or at least would be interested in helping with character sketches and concept art.

I just finished the script for issue 10 (which would be up to the end of graphic novel volume 2). The story is plotted out to run up to issue 25.

PM me if interested in working on the project.



04-04-2013, 06:31 PM
Sorry I don't have time to give you proper feedback or read the whole thing. But just after 2 pages it's clear to me you aren't nearly familiar enough with the dynamics of a comic book script.

The descriptions aren't clear enough and you've got double actions in panels which, in their still image form, will just look weird. Try and draw it yourself and you'll see.

I will strongly discourage you from getting an artist on board at this moment. What you should/need to do is write a short comic script. 4 pages. 8 pages. Get feedback on that, and once you've been through the wringer and polished them up seek out an artist to collaborate with you on that short story.

You will learn a million things that you need to take with you if you are serious about bringing your huge comic series to life.

In all honesty I'd suggest you try to create a 4-5 issue mini-series before you start on your sci-fi, as well.

This might sound like a massive downer, but it will benefit you in the long run.

If you want proper and detailed feedback this script, I'd suggest checking out ComixTribe.com and their Proving Grounds, where Steven Forbes edits script in detail.

He's also here, so he might chime in when he sees this.

Good luck!


04-04-2013, 09:54 PM
Yeah, Magnus is right on all counts. You're not going to do your best work out of the gate. Twenty-thirty years ago guys learned their art while producing and selling their extended works, but those days are long gone.

Having formal training in screenwriting gives you a leg up, but you need to learn the specifics of storytelling in the comics medium. I'm a big fan of McCloud's books and also Jessica Abel and Matt Madden's work:

This site is a good place to find some scripts to read:

Attracting collaborators is easier once you have published work. People know what you can do and if you tell the kind of stories they want to tell with you.

I've watched this forum on and off for five years and I've seen....one, maybe two scripts posted here go on to a comic (DWPFF pitches and scripts and NIDAROS 2020 excluded). Why? For whatever reason, most people fail to take it to the next level.

Daunting, but it sounds like you have a supportive wife and a sense of purpose. You can always throw money at your story and get it illustrated quickly...or you can practice and refine your craft.

Good luck!!!!

Steven Forbes
04-04-2013, 11:45 PM

I only popped in because I saw the one, the only, your friend and mine, Ronald Montgomery making a post. Everyone give him a hand.

Ronald Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen!

Let's also give a big round to Magnus! He gave some solid advice, even going so far as to give me a plug. Magnus, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for him!

You want to submit this to The Proving Grounds (http://www.comixtribe.com/columns/the-proving-grounds/submit/), come on ahead and do it. However, I suggest reading a few scripts posted there first, to see what you're getting into. Not everyone can handle it. (Although why some are comfortable posting scripts on forums but aren't comfortable submitting boggles the mind.)

You can also read my Bolts & Nuts column, where I talk in detail every week about creating comics. 119 weeks, and still going strong.

No matter what you do, good luck in your endeavors.


04-05-2013, 12:57 AM
Aww, trolled by Forby!
You're all EiC of a successful indy publisher with Kickstarter cred, and I toil in talentless anonymity. *sob*

Oh, well.

Hope this guy submits to the Proving Grounds. Clear and dynamic storytelling is tough work.

Steven Forbes
04-05-2013, 01:11 AM
It's all hard work, mon frere.

Two columns a week, every week, for the past two years, and still going strong. That's hard work. I'm still learning and growing every day. Or, I'm trying to.

Talent is something that's honed. You just have to work at it. That's all. Me? I've got a small amount of talent, but a large amount of drive. We put in the work, we prepare ourselves for when opportunity knocks, and thus, we step through the door that much better prepared.

Hard work. We should all do it.