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TCD23
03-22-2013, 03:34 PM
Hey all,

I'm planning on submitting a short comic story for publication to various antholgies but would like some feedback. I've just posted the Synopsis below because let's be honest, not a lot of folks have the time to read through pages of writing. Let me know what you think (and if you have any recommendations for either my work or possible people to submit it to, that would be great!)

Our story begins with a man called Elijah who is trapped in what seems to be a concentration camp in which the majority of captives have had their will broke, essentially becoming broken bubbling wrecks. Elijah is the only person capable of thought in the mysterious camps but his mind seems to be slipping as he continually refers to his captors as, “bacon”. Vowing to break out by any means necessary, Elijah begins to test the various defences within the camp but with little success as the various measures to keep him incarcerated do so successfully. However, when the camp authorities make a routine inspection of the camp, Elijah manages to make a break for it and springs free from the camp. However, his freedom is cut short when he is unceremoniously shot from a distance by one of the camp owners who are revealed on panel for the first time. They are actually humanoid pigs who have turned the tables and enslaved humans who are now farmed for meat. One of the pigs asks the other if he believes if humans can think to which he replies for the other pig not to be so silly, they’re just mindless animals.

Evan Henry
03-23-2013, 04:47 AM
Interesting synopsis, and somewhat along the lines of stuff I've attempted in the past but never really gotten around to.

Assuming this is for publishers' eyes, a couple things stick out to me in the copyediting department:

"will broke" should be "will broken."

A little bit of redundancy here. "as the various measures to keep him incarcerated do so successfully" could be removed; same for "essentially becoming broken bubbling wrecks."

Two sentences in a row beginning with "however."

Other than that, I think you've outlined your story well enough. Without the full script I can't give a proper plot critique, but if done properly it should turn out well enough.