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Evan Henry
01-29-2013, 04:36 AM
Greetings, lettering sages! My friend Jesse (http://jessej07.deviantart.com/) and I are working to put together a pitch for submission to several publishers in the next few months. Colors are on their way, but before everything is finalized, I want to double-check and make sure there are as few problems with my lettering of the pages as possible. Jesse has previously uploaded these pages over at Sequential Showcase, but I think it's also appropriate to post them here for critiques on the lettering aspects in particular.

Specifically, I am slightly paranoid at the moment that I am (1) using too large a font size, and (2) butting some of the balloons against the panel borders in an unnatural fashion. If anyone has any feedback in that regard, it would be very much appreciated. (Ignore the balloon butting against the bottom of page four; I've already corrected that, but was too lazy to update the JPEG.)

Script by me and Jesse (but mostly Jesse); art by Jesse and letters by me. If you want to see these at larger dimensions, just right-click and open the file in a new tab, then remove the "h" from the end of each URL just before the ".jpg".

http://i.imgur.com/Tzuh3h.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/PkDSDh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/44ZOfh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/v3aIyh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/WQY9eh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ValZAh.jpg

Thanks!

NicShaw
01-29-2013, 06:08 AM
Your font does seem a little large, and your balloons could use a bit more shape to them.
If you're using Illustrator, click on your balloon, then go to:
Select - Object - Direction Handles -
Then click on the the Scale Tool. Use that to shape your balloons a little more.

On the panels with the "Obviosly someone didn't tell you who you're dealing with" It seems as though he's talking between each blow. To convey that more I'd add either a full stop, or an "em dash" (--) at the end of each balloon.

There are a couple of instances where it seems as though the characters speech should continue through to the next panel's balloon but there is no ellipses or full stop. For example page 5 panels 3, 4, and 5 seem as though they should all transition into one another, 3 and 4 do. but then 5 doesn't. Seems like it should.

expressions like "ugh" and "uhh" should be in lower case or italics when possible.

Layout is nice, you don't cover a lot of art, most of your dialogue is in a nice diamond or oval shape.

Also I'm really intrigued to see the rest of this! Make sure you keep us posted! It look's great!

Evan Henry
01-30-2013, 05:54 AM
Awesome, thanks for the input! I'll be making some changes here soon.

JimCampbell
01-30-2013, 06:58 AM
Couple of things…

Watch your crossbar 'I's -- you've got some in Pg5, Panel 4.

Also, try to avoid hyphenating words at all costs. If the word is naturally hyphenated (like 'double-barrelled'), it's OK to break it over the hypen and, at a push, it's OK to split a compound word back into its components ('horseradish' to 'horse-radish') but otherwise try not to do it.

Cheers

Jim

Evan Henry
01-30-2013, 07:13 AM
Couple of things…

Watch your crossbar 'I's -- you've got some in Pg5, Panel 4.

Also, try to avoid hyphenating words at all costs. If the word is naturally hyphenated (like 'double-barrelled'), it's OK to break it over the hypen and, at a push, it's OK to split a compound word back into its components ('horseradish' to 'horse-radish') but otherwise try not to do it.

Cheers

Jim

Wow, I'm not even sure how I missed those. I know I formatted the script properly, but the only thing I can think of is that I must have retyped it while lettering for some reason and left the caps lock on. I absolutely agree about the hyphenating; it looks bad, and I intend to fix it (my current plan is to move the balloon to the left side of the panel, which should give it more room to breathe).

Thanks for the head's-up on those crossbars, Jim!

jessej07
01-31-2013, 12:54 PM
I am the aforementioned Jesse of this thread. Just want to say thanks to you guys for your input! Those are tremendously helpful insights for us as we are trying to get this thing the best it can be.

Comics Commando
02-02-2013, 01:59 AM
Your balloons seem to be wrapped too tight on the text...it's claustrophobic.

On the other hand, the lines between the text is too open. The leading isn't fine tuned. Close up that leading somewhat and I'll bet the balloons' "air" will fix itself without resizing the balloons.

Look at printed comics--DC or Marvel--not small press--to see how leading looks. Try to match that.


Kurt Hathaway
khathawayart@gmail.com

Evan Henry
02-02-2013, 06:24 AM
Your balloons seem to be wrapped too tight on the text...it's claustrophobic.

On the other hand, the lines between the text is too open. The leading isn't fine tuned. Close up that leading somewhat and I'll bet the balloons' "air" will fix itself without resizing the balloons.

Look at printed comics--DC or Marvel--not small press--to see how leading looks. Try to match that.


Kurt Hathaway
khathawayart@gmail.com

I suspected there was something wrong with my leading. Thanks for confirming, Kurt!

I should have updated versions of all these pages early next week. Thanks again, y'all!

Evan Henry
02-02-2013, 10:11 PM
Okay, the font size has been reduced, along with the leading, and the balloons have been tweaked:

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/9_zps16fa8160.jpg

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/10_zps26e2f773.jpg

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/11_zpsb8cbd6ba.jpg

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/12_zpsfaf98d79.jpg

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/13_zps19f254dc.jpg

http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/EvanBHenry/14_zps76e1c6dc.jpg

Better? Worse? No difference?

Thanks, guys!