Ramsay pages 1+2 (WARNING-lots of gore)

[Vicmoya]

These pages will be appearing in an upcoming anthology promoting the Las Vegas comic book festival. Art and letters by me. Written by Jarret Keene. Let me have it. I really take the crits and comments to heart and use them to improve. Hopefully you will see an improvement from my last post.
page one
http://i710.photobucket.com/albums/ww102/vicmoya/Ramsaypageonecomplete.jpg
page two
http://i710.photobucket.com/albums/ww102/vicmoya/Ramsaypagetwocomplete.jpg

[carynord]

Whoa. You have a lot going on in these pages. Everything is demanding the same amount of attention.... even the sky is fighting for attention with unnecessary hatching. It makes it hard to tell what's going on.

You've got some really nice things happening but I think drawing the hell out of everything is a hurting these pages.

Use can use detail and rendering to direct the readers eye to the most important part of the panel by hyper rendering the main object or character/s and toning down the rendering in the rest of the scene. You have to provide the reader a focal point - your pages lack that right now.

All in all, nice work.

[Vicmoya]

Thanks for thefeedback. That's the beauty of inking over someone else. You have the blueprint for the linework in front of you. When I do my own stuff, I don't know when to quit. Back to the drawing board.

[RonaldMontgomery]

I'm not an artist, but I agree with Cary. This might be dumb of me to suggest, but for writing panels Lee Nordling taught me to think in uninflected moments -- each panel is its own moment in time, a composition of its own. Maybe that could be a compass for you in panel design...?

[Vicmoya]

Here is page three. I had to do some quicky editing on the main characte as she will appear topless in the printed version. I tried to pull back and focus on leading the eye more. Tell me how I did.
http://i710.photobucket.com/albums/ww102/vicmoya/Ramsaypagethreeedited.jpg

[Eric Rabbitsmasher]

That's pretty good, but watch your proportions - they on the right's head, in the first panel of the last page is way huge for his body, one of the only things that really jumped out at me.

[Vicmoya]

Her are the next two pages. Let me know what the what is. I valaue all c+c. And I think all heads are the right size on these.

http://i710.photobucket.com/albums/ww102/vicmoya/RamsayPage4complete.jpg
http://i710.photobucket.com/albums/ww102/vicmoya/RamsayPage5complete.jpg
Only one more page to complete this little story. It's been quite the learning experience.