View Full Version : a couple pages

the baron
04-17-2008, 09:07 PM

04-18-2008, 12:40 AM

04-18-2008, 03:43 AM

On the sequential page:

Panels 1 & 2. Love the detail. I also like how you change the perspective but keep the reader understanding that the action is flowing in a certain direction. You're moving the artwork around like a cameraman in an action flick now, and that's good.

Panel 3. You should show the chick's whole face so we can get a better look at her reaction. The lips don't tell the whole story well enough.

Panel 4 is weak. Change the angle to a bit more under the dude. Put the chick in a more aggressive pose, maybe with a kung-fu kick or something.

Panel 5. Good stuff. The dude doesn't look as serious about fighting as everyone else, though.

Panel 6. Same thing. Now, I may be totally wrong if you're trying to show me that this is a really easy fight for him and he's the most powerful guy in this scene. Then his posture makes sense.

Panel 7. Hell yeah. That's what an ass-whoopin' should look like!

Panel 8. Don't turn the chick's head in full profile. It looks 2-D now. I would tighten in on the head of the guy laying on the ground and foreshorten a bit more, so that the angle between his chin and the powerful dude looking at him is more obvious and dynamic. Think of it in terms of the opening sequence of "Fight Club", when Ed Norton is looking up the gun at Brad Pitt.

On your cover shot, all the planes are flying in the same direction. If you vary the angles, it will look more urgent, more aggressive, and pull the eye toward a focal point. It's the difference between playing a 2-D sidescroller and first person shooter.