View Full Version : Phew finally got some new images up!; witchblade/magdalena/darkness

03-31-2008, 09:46 PM
I grabbed the script from the Top Cow website for Witchblade; Heart of Darkness and gave it a shot..

comments/crits welcome!!






03-31-2008, 10:13 PM
Looks nice but The scans are kinda tiny so the details are falling out. Looks like you needed to have done a few model sheets and turnaround's of the characters so you could have a consistent look panel to panel.
See how in page two panel three you have that wors eye POV shot? Sarah looks good. Then in the page three splash her head grows huge and her legs get stumpy.
Nice detailing and rendering from what I can see but post larger scans.

03-31-2008, 10:15 PM
I agree. I see nice stuff here as well, but you need to place bigger scans here.
But I'm liking what I'm seeing.

03-31-2008, 10:35 PM
I think the backgrounds have great detail and are drawn well.

In general I think the figures are well rendered too but in the pages I think more variation in the sizes of the figures might help to make the pages as a whole more dynamic.

For example page one in panels 2 ,4, and 6 Magdalena the figures are of simalar size. I would change panlel 4 a bit and then on the final panel make the figure larger then any of the other figures.

The other thing that I think you could work on are the panel boarders and lay out of those panels. A lot of the panles share a boarder with another panel. For me, this makes the page difficult to read.

So I think if you have more size variation your main subject and work on your panels boarders and layout of panels, your work would greatly improve.

Thanks for taking my opinions into consideration and keep up the good work.


04-02-2008, 03:34 AM
thanks for the comments guys

justice - sorry about that the sizes...hopefully they are big enough now...the scans are huge but for some reason the images kept shrinking when i put them on photobucket..
i did have reference as models...but maybe the head is a little big on pg3..

secret - thanks dude. hopefully the scans are better now..

seth - thanks....i understand what you mean..ill consider those next time..





04-04-2008, 01:57 PM
A few people have posted their attempts at this script in the past and I think this is the best I have seen so far.

I really like the details, storytelling and panel design. Style wise reminds me a little bit of Brett Booth.

The only things I really noticed I thought worth mentioning is the last page, first panel her head looks really big compared to her body and in panel 2 you could have gone with a more original and exciting pose for the Darkness attacking, this looks like the stock, wolverine/witchable/ripclaw 'leap at enemy' pose. More legs and foreshortening maybe. But I love the way Witchblade looks in that panel.

Great work

04-04-2008, 04:14 PM
I like it a lot.

04-04-2008, 04:48 PM
Looks good overall. I agree with most of what's been said already.

Your panel layouts are distracting and make all your detailed pencils even harder to see. Some of the best advice I ever got was to just keep it simple. Most of the stuff you're doing with your panels serves no purpose at all and it comes off looking like a disorganized mess. Your job is to make the storytelling as clear as possible, but you have so many inset panels, panel breaks, panels with no gutters, off-kilter panels and so on that it's cluttering up the flow.

Master telling a story in 6 little boxes before you attempt these kinds of advanced page layouts. I think it would help your work tremendously. Check out how Mignola tells a story. Simple, clear and no gimmicks.

04-05-2008, 08:42 PM
try flipping the last 3 pannels. it gets confusing on the page because in the first and second pannel sara is on the left and then on the third forth and fifth she's on the right. without a transition shot.
also might suggest finding places to put more solid blacks. the placement near the figures will make them pop that much more

04-23-2008, 12:36 AM
thanks for the feedback guys

just back from the the US today and went to the NYCC. it was awesome!

anyways i did bring these pages with me and got some great feedback from the pros. cant wait to work on new pages.

jimmybott - thanks! a pro did mention that first panel, they didnt say her head was too big but said i should of positioned her head a little different to show more 'shock'

mrgranger - thanks bud

carynord - i do usually keep my flow and panels simple, and this is pretty much my first attempt at making the panels look a little more dynamic in trying to keep in the witchblade/darkness tradition.
maybe its the scans that make it a little less harder to see, but i got these pages reviewed by 4 pros and none said they were confusing and/or messy.

they did however mention that i should of flipped some panels and make some stand out more than others to add more excitement...and also to keep it simple on my perspective, which is when they also mentioned mignola for that and to see how he positions his vanishing points.

compton - i kinda know what u mean. this is definitely the fault of the scans. not giving excuses, but ive got shading all over those three which dont appear.
i was told at nycc that those panels were a nice flow....?

thanks for the crits guys