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View Full Version : Final 3 Pages of Corrective Measures


peeplesart
02-27-2008, 10:00 AM
And here are the last three pages of the issue. I really like them. nothing super, but something about them just seem neat to me.

http://brentpeeples.deviantart.com


http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj312/peeplesart/21.jpg

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj312/peeplesart/22.jpg

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj312/peeplesart/23.jpg

Nu Jin
02-27-2008, 04:55 PM
Page 3-Panel 2: His face just seems "off" to me.

But the overall quality of these pages are really good. Great job on these. :thumbs:

Fred Duran
02-27-2008, 05:22 PM
I agree with Nu Jin. It's like his features are thrown off to the right a bit (our right, his left), and the outline of his head looks like it curves a bit too much on one side.

Good stuff overall though.

Fred

j giar
02-27-2008, 06:26 PM
I actually enjoy reading or looking at pages that show the day to day boring things we do...The little things. Odd habits... Which is my one problem with page one. The opening of, what I believe to be a beer bottle? Just doesn't look like he's opening it. Looks like there's no force into the twisting off of the cap. Petty I know but it bothered me...
Other than that, page 1 reads nicely and the natural left to right flow is well done.
Page 2 ...if you haven't inked page two keep in mind you'll have to balance out the use of that heavy black image in the left side of the panel. Either bring a little more highlight areas into the darkened form or spread some heavy black into the right side to balance out the image. Panel 2 was confusing for me and it took me a minute to discover that its the bat under the chin of the uninvited guest. That could easily be rectified by adding the bat into the panel of the last page. Like the natural look of your art though. It all looks like it belongs...the figures, backgrounds and props. Nice work. Jim

peeplesart
02-28-2008, 09:29 AM
Thanks for all the good words. Yeah I am slowly learning these different things. I have been doing sequential pages for only 5 or 6 months. I feel like i have made great strides but I know that I still have alot to learn. I appreciate all the comments, and i can use them to help make my pages better in the future. I am glad you guys enjoy them overall.

TenGuKu
03-03-2008, 06:42 AM
Hey peeplesart, I really like what you got here..but I think that if you made a coule of changes you could make these pages at least 20% better...Im referring to the storytelling aspect..here goes:
P1.1 cap twisting off to the left. which leads reader to believe person opening bottle is on the right, but the next panel he is on left..I would suggest just flipping the 1st panel horizontally...leading the reader to ease into the next panel.
same problem p2.2-3 you have the character opening the door on the right side and the "guest" on the left...yet when the bat is forced on the neck of the "guest" he suddenly appears to be on the right side, which subconciously makes the reader think the "host" is getting threatened..but in the following panel the host is standing..also on the right...this is the infamous "180 rule" which practically says that you should generally keep characters on the same side of the panels to avoid confusion...Im suer someone will chime in and expand on the 180 rule, it seems a popular toopic here :)
by the same token, flip P3.2 horizontally and it will read more comfortably.
Overall yoy are a good artist, you draw very nice expressions and body language...keep it up, and just pay a little more attention to the flow of the narration..

peeplesart
03-03-2008, 12:26 PM
Thanks for the words man. yeah i am fairly new to drawing pages. i have only been doing pages for about 5 or 6 months, so i am still learning alot. i flipped them in GIMP, and yeah they do look better.