Live entertainment

[spider]

I'm just wondering how many people here have gone into this.
I've done live music before with no problems but my new venture into the world of entertainment will be a sink or swim effort so I must get it right.

Anyone?

[compton]

not unless you count having people in the building accross the street peep through my window. I do act though so I guess that qualifys

[mrwewiii]

other than my constant bouts with public embarrassment i have never done live entertainment.

[Biofungus]

Does pulling one's pants down and mooning passing vehicles count as "Live Entertainment"?

[kdmelrose]

I doubt that anyone was "entertained."

[The Dag]

I doubt that anyone was "entertained."

lol

[Biofungus]

I doubt that anyone was "entertained."
I was :har:

[Buckyrig]

Does picking a dude up off the ground by his hair in front of a crowd of people count as live entertainment.

[Biofungus]

Depends upon what you do with him afterwards...

[Buckyrig]

Use him to play air guitar to Sweet Child O Mine?

[Newt]

Stop touching his whammy bar, sicko!

[Buckyrig]

I meant the acoustic part.

[Calloway]

I've been drunk for any live performances...which are only two..but still...unless bonfires with hippies count as well as drum circles.

[Calloway]

Dude, I found video of your live act and I am quite sick now:

Spider Live (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28223451)

[spider]

:man: Hey c'mon I ain't that fat, sometimes I don't even have to wear a bra.

I think if I said what I was considering you'd all laugh, making it ironic, meaning you'll laugh even more.

[Biofungus]

Stop touching his whammy bar, sicko!
It's okay, he lives in Vegas. People usually pay extra to see stuff like that.

Yes, Buckminster, you are a certified Street Walker... um... Performer. Although I can't imagine the guy who's getting his hair pulled every night would appreciate that.

[Buckyrig]

Yes, Buckminster, you are a certified Street Walker... um... Performer.

The word is busker. :p

[usp78]

You need a fog machine, some pyrotechnics and a couple of pole dancers...Wear a cape and have your production team bring you down from the ceiling on some wires. :thumbs:

[Biofungus]

Considering how we're all talking doing this stuff *outside*, I don't think he'd want to be coming down from the "ceiling".

[rummblestrips]

Being successful at live entertainment means you have to get up there and have 100% confidence. You cannot go in front of a crown and have doubts.

And this is a surprise. When I saw the title of the thread, I was sure it would be about strippers.

[Biofungus]

When I saw the title of the thread, I was sure it would be about strippers.
It still can be *wink - nudge* ;)

[usp78]

Considering how we're all talking doing this stuff *outside*, I don't think he'd want to be coming down from the "ceiling".


http://www.rivertekservices.com/images/crane2.jpg

[rummblestrips]

It still can be *wink - nudge* ;)


Well, if we go in order of who posted on this thread here first... :nyah:

[wisper]

carry some low cash and coins...if things go wrong...start the Nigerian wedding $$ dance ! it works...

[Biofungus]

Well, if we go in order of who posted on this thread here first... :nyah:
Alright, alright. Here you go:

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28223451)


Now you. :har:

[Scaleyinx]

Being successful at live entertainment means you have to get up there and have 100% confidence. You cannot go in front of a crown and have doubts.



This is great advice.

I've performed live for many years, both musical and theatrical (and even a little local television). One of the key things is confidence and believing in yourself. Another thing to be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. A very helpful tool is to have someone video tape you while you perform. This will help you to see yourself from other peoples perspective so you can be your own critic. You MUST be your own Simon Cowell and Paula wrapped into one. By that I mean, you must look at yourself objectively, as if you are looking at someone else so you can identify those areas you want to improve, but you also need to encourage yourself by looking at the things you like most about your performance. People will give you feedback, but it will be hard to discern the truthful from the false.

Another key thing is being prepared for mistakes. Never, never, NEVER make the "OOPS - :blink: " face, or frown/cringe during your performance letting on that you made a mistake, unless of course you're good at incorporating comedy into your act and can make it work in your favor (David Lee Roth and Mick Jagger are masters at it). If you should accidently make an "OOPS" face, just smile and own it, play on and carry an air of "This is the way we do it in MY county". Because most of the time no one will ever notice when you've bombed part of your performance.


Good luck to ya! :) ;)

[Calloway]

Alright, alright. Here you go:

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28223451)


Now you. :har:

you know I bet Kody will love that video because he's cajun and there's zydeco music playing.

[AthenaRose]

I think if I said what I was considering you'd all laugh, making it ironic, meaning you'll laugh even more.

OK, now you have to tell us... :whistlin:

[spider]

For all the fluff in this thread I appreciate the valueble advice. :)
As you may have guessed by now I'm looking into stand-up comedy, I know around here and even in real life I'm not great at telling jokes but on the odd occasion I make someone laugh, somehow.
It'll all be down to improvisation, telling a bad joke well makes it funny and vice versa so I really need to know whats hit and miss.
This is just a short draft of what I have so far...

I want to thank you all for coming out here tonight, I only just made it myself. I would’ve got here earlier but there was traffic jams on the way here, not in the traditional sense either, I couldn’t help but notice the woman in front was naturally large chested, I literally almost crashed.
I’m guessing so did she, I mean how do you reach around when you have built in airbags?
One of the girls I was with on the way over said “if my tits were that big I think I‘d get them reduced”, to which I ask, well wouldn’t you fall backwards?
I kept making lame jokes about the connection between traffic jams and tits to which she yelled “Will you stop talking about tits and concentrate on the fucking road!!”

I think I get it from learning how to drive to begin with, one driving instructor I had would concentrate as much on pointing out attractive women as he would teaching you to drive. “now indicate, we‘re coming to a turning, wow, she‘s fit”, I look round, “huh?” SCREEEEEE!!! AGH, SHIIITTT!!!
You know the real kicker? She wasn’t that fit and I ended up in hospital for 3 days.

But seriously folks, I’m not that shallow, but have any of you guys joined a dating site and when you meet them they’re nothing like you expected?
I mean I’ve met some of these girls, one look and they’d make children cry, it’s the complete opposite of one look and they’d make your dick cry.
I see a few of those here tonight.

I read somewhere jizz is good for your teeth.
No shit, this was a genuine scientific article, it also claimed if you drink fruit juice your jizz will taste fruity.
I’m just wondering where the fuck you sign up for this sort of work because this is where taxpayers money is apparently going.
Still, you meet a girl with nice teeth you don’t need to ask too many questions.
Makes you wonder about the guys with nice teeth eh.
Unless they’re eating at Mcdonalds, you don’t know whats going in that mayonnaise.
“Bah da da da da”.

But seriously, dating ad’s kind of give you clues as to what the person will be like, cuddly equals fat (I‘ve been called cuddly before, it‘s funny how you can tell a woman she‘s fat and she‘ll become a self-loathing anorexic, call a bloke fat and you can expect to get knocked the fuck out), bubbly equals annoying, independent means unless you have a golden penis you better keep looking.

Even then if you meet someone halfway interesting, everyone has skeletons in their closet.
I hate the presumption a nice guy gesture means he wants sex, I was talking to some girl the other night who got snotty when I offered to walk her home, “I can buy my own drinks and walk myself home, I‘m not a fucking child”, guess she only has herself to blame if she gets ambushed by vampires or Jehovah’s witnesses (which are much like vampires).
“Chris, I was defenceless, they turned me into a CHRISTIAN!!”

Not my problem.
You know how some girls can just give ‘the look’ and you know better than to keep talking?
She was a lot like that.
“Hey, I noticed you across the bar and couldn‘t help but notice you‘re on your own, thought I‘d give you some company, what would you like to dri- (look) ehhh, so er…I‘ll be over there”.
The look is the most powerful territorial tool in a woman’s arsenal, you think guys are predators, you don’t see what goes on behind closed doors.
Guys are direct, “you better step back son or you‘ll be wearing your drink”.
Girls are indirect, I met this girl a while ago, very pretty, nice personality…great teeth (callback).
Soon as she saw me flirting with her friend she gave her the look and you know how girls go to the ladies room in pairs? They’re asserting their dominance.
They pick up a toilet seat and BAM! “that is MAH man”.
The girl I was flirting with, I’ve not seen her since.
Men are direct, women are indirect.

Question for the guys, you ever meet women with an exotic name?
It takes all the self control you have when you‘re drunk, to not make some stupid pun like you’re James Bond.
Oh your name is India? I’ve never been in India before.
Your last name is Valentine? Then will you be mine?
Your name is Cinderella? Would you like to go to the ball?
Luckily she left before I asked her to bend down.

Now I’m not gonna say I’m fantastically good looking, the other day someone said I look a cenobite, unfortunately us ugly guys don’t have it as easy as the attractive ones.
If you’re a good looking guy around women, don’t say nothing too stupid and you’re getting lucky tonight.
If you’re an ugly guy, you better say something really smart within seconds of meeting her, the lights better be off and she had best be drunk stupid for you to be even be in with a chance. Even then don’t count on it.

I know it will be down to how it's put across so hopefully there is a way to make the bad jokes work.

[Calloway]

The trick is remember it as if it actually happened. It'll come off more like a casual conversation and don't worry about the parts in detail but just the idea of the parts, otherwise your apt to forget.


This lesson was brought to you by the greatest movie of all time:


Resevoir Dogs.

[AthenaRose]

Raised a couple of smiles...

[Calloway]

you should digi cam it and put it on you tube and let us see before you go live with it. Performance is 90 percent of an act, the words are only 10.

[spider]

There is a comedy club here, guys like Ricky Gervais and Jimmy Carr have performed there so I'm hoping they'll give me 10 minutes once I've properly rehearsed my act.

[Calloway]

well, get a digital camera and let us judge you before the strangers do.

[The DarkMind]

yeah but we can't throw stuff at him or heckle him like we should :man:

[Calloway]

you can always rig a spring to a tomato and ship it to him so when he opens it he gets it in the face :)