27 Things I No Longer Allowed To Do Now That I Am 27

[Scott James]

Well, I have been the grand old age of 27 for just under a month and a half and already people are telling me what I can and cannot do now that I am in my late twenties.

After conferring with several younger twentysomethings, my friends, coworkers and my mother here is a list of 27 things I used to do which apparently I cannot do anymore:

1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything.

2. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and write obscene and bitter emails to my ex-girlfriends.

3. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and steal bollards, road signs and small children.

4. Drink copious amounts of alcohol at all.

5. Especially not when I am three hours away from attending a staff conference.

6. Quote passages from the Koran and say "Peace be upon him" when standing in line to be searched at Her Majesty's Customs at Heathrow Airport.

7. Feed alcohol to trainee guide-dogs under the pretence that "It's the hair of the dog that bit him".

8. Lighter fluid, aftershave and peroxide are not meant to be taken internally... regardless of what my mates think or how much money is at stake.

9. Refer to myself in the third person when making a purchase at a retail outlet. (e.g. Shop Flunkey: "How do you like the jacket, sir?" Me: "Scott James thinks this jacket looks the bomb")

10. No longer allowed to use the words "bomb", "shit", or "bollocks" as constructive nouns. (e.g. "This beer is the bollocks!")

11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs.

12. Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"

13. Clear road signs in a single bound and loudly exclaim "In your face, Karl Lewis!".

14. Try to be cool in front of adolescent schoolgirls.

15. Try to be cool at all, in fact.

16. Admit to liking any popular music.

17. Admit to liking anything popular at all.

18. Use profanity in front of adolescents (See Number 14)

19. No longer allowed to use the word "gay" as a pejorative noun, even if it is not in the homophobic sense. Especially if it is not in the homophobic sense.

20. Use the word "****" in civilized company.

21. Dance where there are people under the age of 25.

22. Drink or cavort where there are people under the age of 25 lest I want to be labeled a "drunk" or a "pervert" or a "drunken pervert."

23. Know the words to any song written after 2003.

24. Admit to owning any films starring Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steven Segal or Michael Dudikoff.

25. Wear a trilby hat... no matter how well Justin Timberlake pulls it off.

26. Never refer to Justin Timberlake as "Trousersnake" or worse "JT".

27. Endlessly quote Anchorman, Withnail & I and The Godfather. Especially not on a first date.

[kdmelrose]

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.

[Biofungus]

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.
And here I thought I was the only one who thought that!

I mean, I'm no looker myself (obviously), but I've seen pictures of Abraham Lincoln that looked younger than Scott James.


:p

[Scott James]

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.I actually look closer to 37. Ten years of smoking and binge-drinking will do that I suppose. On the plus side, I still have my own teeth and most of my own hair.

[JamieRoberts]

Wait til you hit 28. You're not allowed to put ironic tunes on the jukebox without looking like you meant it seriously.

[Biofungus]

Wait til you hit 28. You're not allowed to put ironic tunes on the jukebox without looking like you meant it seriously.
I also think when you turn 28, you're not allowed to create "things I'm not allowed to do now that I'm ___ " lists :p

[Scott James]

And here I thought I was the only one who thought that!

I mean, I'm no looker myself (obviously), but I've seen pictures of Abraham Lincoln that looked younger than Scott James.


:pYou're not wrong. I recently had one of my rare sober spells (a solid three days without booze) and noticed how tired I look. Not just old, but tired. My mum and dad's good genes were wasted on somebody so detirmined to put his body through the mill. :laugh:

[Jon Dahl]

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. :sure:

http://www.goldengoatstudios.com/OtherImages/Noodle/25thBDay/TheWholeGang.jpg

[kdmelrose]

You've turned into quite the hair farmer, Jon.

[Scott James]

http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v132/183/35/222300735/n222300735_2149537_2577.jpgThat is the most recent pic of me. Around about the time of my 27th. For the uninitiated, I am the one on the left.

[JamieRoberts]

I also think when you turn 28, you're not allowed to create "things I'm not allowed to do now that I'm ___ " lists :p
Hint taken.

[Buckyrig]

11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs.

In all fairness, you should never have been doing this without a measure of irony. Now you just need to turn up the juice is all.

Carry on...

[Buckyrig]

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. :sure:

Grow a beard. Otherwise, it's only going to get worse.

[Amanda]

I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....

[Buckyrig]

30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.

[Biofungus]

I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....
:eek:

:man:


:p

[Wayne Drake]

<<< fuuuuck, barely 22 and already feel like there's no turning back as each day goes by. Hang in there kitty!

[Scott James]

30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.Are you kidding me?

Personally, I am trading in the Converse trainers and Malboro Lights for a pair of slippers and a pipe as soon as I detect the first grey hair on my head.

Being 30 and above makes you virtually invulnerable to criticism and bereft of any foolish ambition.

I can't bloody wait.

[Biofungus]

30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.
When do you turn 30, Bucky? :whistlin:

[Biofungus]

Being 30 and above makes you virtually invulnerable to criticism and bereft of any foolish ambition.

Why the fuck didn't anybody tell me this 3 and a half years ago?! :man:

[Buckyrig]

When do you turn 30, Bucky? :whistlin:

Never. I've made a Faustian deal to never turn 30.

[Biofungus]

Never. I've made a Faustian deal to never turn 30.
Won't work unless you can stop the progress of time. You may not age, but you'll still turn 30 ;)

[Buckyrig]

Are you kidding me?

Personally, I am trading in the Converse trainers and Malboro Lights for a pair of slippers and a pipe as soon as I detect the first grey hair on my head.

I've had the stray white hair pop up here and again since I was 16. :laugh:

Being 30 and above makes you virtually invulnerable to criticism and bereft of any foolish ambition.

You're thinking of alcohol.

[Buckyrig]

Won't work unless you can stop the progress of time. You may not age, but you'll still turn 30 ;)

Waitaminnutwaitaminnutwaitaminnut...

Not only does the Devil exist, but I've been able to enter into a binding contract with him that prevents my aging...but warping space-time is just a silly idea? :huh:

[Mike225]

I have grey hairs in my beard.

[Biofungus]

Waitaminnutwaitaminnutwaitaminnut...

Not only does the Devil exist, but I've been able to enter into a binding contract with him that prevents my aging...but warping space-time is just a silly idea? :huh:
Yes, because warping space time would affect a heck of a lot more than just yourself. Making a deal with the devil, that's between you and him ;)

[Scott James]

You're thinking of alcohol.Actually, being under the influence makes the most mundane of tasks seem like a Herculean challenge.

e.g. My attempts to navigate the steps down to my flat without waking the neighbours and/or slipping and breaking my neck.

[Buckyrig]

Actually, being under the influence makes the most mundane of tasks seem like a Herculean challenge.

e.g. My attempts to navigate the steps down to my flat without waking the neighbours and/or slipping and breaking my neck.

Heroin?

[Jon Dahl]

You've turned into quite the hair farmer, Jon.

I really was going to cut it, but I'm so damn lazy.

[Lord Fejj]

I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....
:man:


30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.
:man:

I turn 45 this year...

[Scott James]

Heroin?I would never bother to leave the house if I could stomach heroin.

[theflash]

i have the answer to you aging issues. date someone far younger than you! it works trust me. not that i feel old at all really, and of course it helps that i'm actually about 22 maturity wise, so dating a girl 28 is still going out with someone older, at least mentally. but she likes me.

and i've decided to stop at 37 and hold right here for about ten years or so. i've got it all figured out...i've just got to obtain a few more minor pieces of my diabolical machine and my plans will all fall right into place. it's kinda like groundhog day...only on a much grander scale.

[Knuckles]

I turn 30 in 6 months. I guess I have to kill myself soon. :cry:

[linnry]

<-- I just turned twenty.


Now you all are telling me that soon I can't do those things?
Oh nos!
:cry:

[linnry]

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. :sure:

http://www.goldengoatstudios.com/OtherImages/Noodle/25thBDay/TheWholeGang.jpg


Rubbing it in? :happy:
Hell, i think you look younger than me.... well.. .yeah... I guess that's what the server was saying too...

just...
Think about what you'll look like when you're 80.

[Jon Dahl]

Think about what you'll look like when you're 80.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v166/Delamuerte/MeOld.jpg

[linnry]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v166/Delamuerte/MeOld.jpg



Zombieeeeess..... :happy:

[The Dag]

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. :sure:

http://www.goldengoatstudios.com/OtherImages/Noodle/25thBDay/TheWholeGang.jpg

they werent checking your age.... they wanted to know if you were a man....long island ice tea... are you a 40 year old woman???

[Jon Dahl]

they werent checking your age.... they wanted to know if you were a man....long island ice tea... are you a 40 year old woman???

Yes. I'm a 40 year old woman.

[Buckyrig]

I turn 45 this year...

Well, you best be gettin' to suicidin'.

You're overdue, relic. Quit breathing my air! :nyah:

[AthenaRose]

I felt old at 29, but passing 30 was a bit of a release. Now I just don't worry about it, anymore.



It's running around after the grandson that makes me feel old...

[Mike225]

...I can't stop looking at your avatar..

[AthenaRose]

...I can't stop looking at your avatar..

:blink:

You do know that I already have an official stalker, don't you?

[Mike225]

I heard it was more of an open thing.

[AthenaRose]

Where did you hear that?

[Mike225]

Eh...people talk. :whistlin:

[spider]

You feel old, I'm probably old enough to be these guys dad...

http://a250.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/l_e6cb0fe0161195d76e3d4d336b7b26d9.jpg

This is without my make up,
I even have to wear a rebellious t-shirt to blend in. :(

[Jon Dahl]

You feel old, I'm probably old enough to be these guys dad...

http://a250.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/l_e6cb0fe0161195d76e3d4d336b7b26d9.jpg

This is without my make up,
I even have to wear a rebellious t-shirt to blend in. :(

Aren't you 24 or close to it?

[spider]

:cry:

[The Dag]

why are u hanging out with kids??

[spider]

Why can't you type coherently?

[The Dag]

ok umm why are you hanging out with kids???

[spider]

19 is still legal.

[The Dag]

ok there 19.. you made it sound like they were 12...

[Jon Dahl]

Dag has a point. ;)

Although, you (Dag) made it sound like a Long Island Ice Tea is a light drink for people who just want something to sip.
:laugh:

[The Dag]

Dag has a point. ;)

Although, you (Dag) made it sound like a Long Island Ice Tea is a light drink for people who just want something to sip.
:laugh:

im sorry jon... its not a light drink... but 40 year old women still drink it..

[spider]

Dag has a point. ;)


Yes, he just needs to keep it away from my kids.

[Jon Dahl]

Yes, he just needs to keep it away from my kids.

You don't have any kids!


You need a girl for that. :nyah:

[Mike225]

You don't have any kids!


You need a girl for that. :nyah:http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m137/jobberstable/oh20snap.jpg

[linnry]

You feel old, I'm probably old enough to be these guys dad...

http://a250.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/l_e6cb0fe0161195d76e3d4d336b7b26d9.jpg

This is without my make up,
I even have to wear a rebellious t-shirt to blend in. :(


You're not that old, aren't you like... 22? 23? Not that much older than me?

It's okay. People think i'm older than my 23 year old friends. It's getting insulting.....

[MattWaterman]

Being 30 and above makes you virtually invulnerable to criticism and bereft of any foolish ambition.

You're thinking of alcohol.


Heh. Both seem to work quite well for me. I don't give a flying fuck....

:banana:

[Knuckles]

I heard it was more of an open thing.

Mike, shut up.


I might lose my job.

[The DarkMind]

I might lose my job.

which in marriage linguistics translates to "forcible retirement"

[Multisync143]

http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v132/183/35/222300735/n222300735_2149537_2577.jpgThat is the most recent pic of me. Around about the time of my 27th. For the uninitiated, I am the one on the left.


I hope that "Vote Pedro" t-shirt was a gift, otherwise you disappoint me.

[AthenaRose]

I might lose my job.

No danger of that, dear :)

[Jon Dahl]

I hope that "Vote Pedro" t-shirt was a gift, otherwise you disappoint me.

It's okay, he's British.

[omega sentry]

14. Try to be cool in front of adolescent schoolgirls.

Pishhh Hugh Hefner still does this!!!!! and the rest of your list for that matter!!! :)


Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. :sure:

http://www.goldengoatstudios.com/OtherImages/Noodle/25thBDay/TheWholeGang.jpg

yeah I know what you mean but oh come on there are days that your holly shit I'm glad I don't look old like the rest of my friends... :rolleyes:

[Knuckles]

No danger of that, dear :)

*sighs* Good. Best job I ever had.

[Fred Duran]

Yeah, I'm 17. :cool:

[The-Spirit]

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.
And like Rupert Everett.

[MattWaterman]

yeah I know what you mean but oh come on there are days that your holly shit I'm glad I don't look old like the rest of my friends... :rolleyes:

I'm gonna use this nonsense as a jumpoff for something I was thinking about at the end of the day but didn't have time to post....

Isn't it funny: We're halfway to a generation reared on DW. :laugh: :bounce: Really though, putting it into perspective: FA is probably now somewhat close to my age back when I used to get in all the heated political arguements back in the original Beyond the Frame (not suggesting you will ever calm the fuck down, Korrie, we all know you're insane). There's been incredible changes in the lives of many of us, Steve Musgrave and Dano some of the biggest. God only knows what JAF is doing about now. Hell, even DCON has chilled, just posting his stuff and getting crits. It's cool...funny...and...nostalgic...all wrapped into one big ball. Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.

I don't know if Ed would ever read this but I hope he understands, for all the aggravation he's experienced, what a cool thing he's created outside of the actual comics produced...

:thumbs:

[Jon Dahl]

I'm gonna use this nonsense as a jumpoff for something I was thinking about at the end of the day but didn't have time to post....

Isn't it funny: We're halfway to a generation reared on DW. :laugh: :bounce: Really though, putting it into perspective: FA is probably now somewhat close to my age back when I used to get in all the heated political arguements back in the original Beyond the Frame (not suggesting you will ever calm the fuck down, Korrie, we all know you're insane). There's been incredible changes in the lives of many of us, Steve Musgrave and Dano some of the biggest. God only knows what JAF is doing about now. Hell, even DCON has chilled, just posting his stuff and getting crits. It's cool...funny...and...nostalgic...all wrapped into one big ball. Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.

I don't know if Ed would ever read this but I hope he understands, for all the aggravation he's experienced, what a cool thing he's created outside of the actual comics produced...

:thumbs:

You forgot about Sentient Object. That guy sucked. :laugh:

[Toyandgadgetguy]

I'm gonna use this nonsense as a jumpoff for something I was thinking about at the end of the day but didn't have time to post....

Isn't it funny: We're halfway to a generation reared on DW. :laugh: :bounce: Really though, putting it into perspective: FA is probably now somewhat close to my age back when I used to get in all the heated political arguements back in the original Beyond the Frame (not suggesting you will ever calm the fuck down, Korrie, we all know you're insane). There's been incredible changes in the lives of many of us, Steve Musgrave and Dano some of the biggest. God only knows what JAF is doing about now. Hell, even DCON has chilled, just posting his stuff and getting crits. It's cool...funny...and...nostalgic...all wrapped into one big ball. Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.

I don't know if Ed would ever read this but I hope he understands, for all the aggravation he's experienced, what a cool thing he's created outside of the actual comics produced...

:thumbs:

at the risk of jumping on the quotation bandwagon... "Quoted for truth". (and not just because my name was mentioned, but because it's just true.)

It's a very cool thing we've got here.

I care more about some of you than I do about folks I've known for years.

[MattWaterman]

You forgot about Sentient Object. That guy sucked. :laugh:

I actually searched for him the other day in the Member List but some asshole deleted him...

:man:

Poor guy never hurt anyone...

:laugh: ;)

[Biofungus]

Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.


When I first joined DW, I had a girlfriend!


:cry:

[Newt]

I just joined, and I have a girlfriend.....

Is Digital Webbing going to destroy my relationship? :confused:

[Toyandgadgetguy]

I just joined, and I have a girlfriend.....

Is Digital Webbing going to destroy my relationship? :confused:

Either that, or you'll end up married.


Either way, you'll have lots of us virtual friends.

[Wayne Drake]

I just joined, and I have a girlfriend.....

Is Digital Webbing going to destroy my relationship? :confused:

don't ever bring DW up in real life. :p

[Buckyrig]

I'm gonna use this nonsense as a jumpoff for something I was thinking about at the end of the day but didn't have time to post....

Isn't it funny: We're halfway to a generation reared on DW. :laugh: :bounce: Really though, putting it into perspective: FA is probably now somewhat close to my age back when I used to get in all the heated political arguements back in the original Beyond the Frame (not suggesting you will ever calm the fuck down, Korrie, we all know you're insane). There's been incredible changes in the lives of many of us, Steve Musgrave and Dano some of the biggest. God only knows what JAF is doing about now. Hell, even DCON has chilled, just posting his stuff and getting crits. It's cool...funny...and...nostalgic...all wrapped into one big ball. Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.

I don't know if Ed would ever read this but I hope he understands, for all the aggravation he's experienced, what a cool thing he's created outside of the actual comics produced...

:thumbs:

Dude, did you just do some X? :huh:

[wisper]

I'm gonna use this nonsense as a jumpoff for something I was thinking about at the end of the day but didn't have time to post....

Isn't it funny: We're halfway to a generation reared on DW. :laugh: :bounce: Really though, putting it into perspective: FA is probably now somewhat close to my age back when I used to get in all the heated political arguements back in the original Beyond the Frame (not suggesting you will ever calm the fuck down, Korrie, we all know you're insane). There's been incredible changes in the lives of many of us, Steve Musgrave and Dano some of the biggest. God only knows what JAF is doing about now. Hell, even DCON has chilled, just posting his stuff and getting crits. It's cool...funny...and...nostalgic...all wrapped into one big ball. Even Bio and Toyotaguy, the two biggest constant nice guys in the forum I'm sure have gone through incredible changes in their lives since they first signed on with those screen names.

I don't know if Ed would ever read this but I hope he understands, for all the aggravation he's experienced, what a cool thing he's created outside of the actual comics produced...

:thumbs:


Im working on powers of the humand bio mind...I gona get you fired! :laugh:

[spider]

When I first joined I was like Doboy1, Egets, Everyonehatesme and XdreamZ rolled into one supreme being, still am a bit.
It was only thanks to Steve Robinsons shitty moderating I'm still here. :thumbs:

[MattWaterman]

Im working on powers of the humand bio mind...I gona get you fired! :laugh:

Please don't get me fired, wisper.

[Newt]

When I first joined I was like Doboy1, Egets, Everyonehatesme and XdreamZ rolled into one supreme being, still am a bit.
It was only thanks to Steve Robinsons shitty moderating I'm still here. :thumbs:


Speaking of which, the doob is back! I think he's avoiding chit-chat so he doesn't get banned again, but he now goes by lovechunks5. Send him a message and let him know you care!

[linnry]

When I first joined DW, I had a girlfriend!


:cry:


When I first joined DW (under my old screenname, specter) I was 13.
So, i've uhm... Idk. I've gone thru puberty since getting on here... :D

[Toyandgadgetguy]

Please don't get me fired, wisper.

That's MR. Wisper to you.

[AthenaRose]

When I first joined I was like Doboy1, Egets, Everyonehatesme and XdreamZ rolled into one supreme being, still am a bit.
It was only thanks to Steve Robinsons shitty moderating I'm still here. :thumbs:

Anyone know how Steve's doing?

As far as life-changing events go, I became a grandmother.

[Scott James]

I hope that "Vote Pedro" t-shirt was a gift, otherwise you disappoint me.
Apart from the Thundercats boxset my mate gave me that was the best damn present I got for my birthday this year.

[spider]

Anyone know how Steve's doing?

As far as life-changing events go, I became a grandmother.

As far as life changing events go, I found God.









He was me all along, how bout that.

[Mike225]

When I first started posting here, I had a different username and was living in Pittsburgh. Now I'm back home, married and have a four year old.

[Jon Dahl]

When I first joined DW (under my old screenname, specter) I was 13.
So, i've uhm... Idk. I've gone thru puberty since getting on here... :D

Do you remember Trespass?









:har:

[deanne]

I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....

:man: :sure: :yuk:
So, what 31 is ancient now?!

[JAQ]

It was only thanks to Steve Robinsons shitty moderating I'm still here. :thumbs:Huh. His terrible moderating (and juvenile attitude as a participant) almost drove me away when I first got here.