spider
09-16-2007, 02:05 PM
Following on from the other two threads, who is the worst?
A select few...
Bloke
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/0020.jpg
A short-lived gay character in the Marvel universe. His official powers were super human strength and chameleon-like skin changing abilities, but his real powers appeared to be super (stereotypical) gayness. First of all when he started out (in San Francisco, of course), he didn't know how to control his skin color, so he was rainbow colored. And once he could control it he defaulted to pink. Also, no joke, he liked interior decorating, working out, and musicals.
Major Mapleleaf
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/Major_mapleleaf1.jpg
The original Major Mapleleaf was the typical super-strong, physically invulnerable bullshit. What made him hilarious was that he dressed like a friggin mountie. His elder (and favorite) child died of AIDS, but his younger, possibly abused, child took up the Major Mapleleaf mantle. His shittiness does not come from a horrible costume, however. He instead dresses normal (for a superhero), but gets all his powers from a super horse. A damn horse.
Doorman
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/dm5.jpg
Don't let his pretty cool appearance fool you. This guy is absolutely horrible. His powers are described as a "class-10 teleporter" which would be pretty impressive if he was a Scientologist. However, when it comes to teleportation, I guess less is more. All this guy can do is teleport someone between two adjacent rooms. He's part of something called the Great Lakes Avengers, who I guess are responsible for defending Michigan
Matter-Eater Lad
I like a hero who tells you what he's all about right up front. Matter-Eater Lad has the power to eat matter, plus he's a lad. Think of all the movies in which Matter-Eater Lad could have saved the day. In Armageddon he could have eaten the asteroid! In Titanic he could have eaten the iceberg! In Just My Luck he could have eaten Lindsey Lohan! But in his own movie he'll have to face a menace he can't just masticate away: a being of pure energy! Or maybe a demonically powered, endless hometown buffet.
Batwoman
This isn't Batgirl, the redhead with the high heels, nor is it the boring gray Batwoman who was on some direct-to-video thing. No, this is the '50s version, and she had makeup-themed gadgets. Really. She had powder puffs of sneezing powder, and she caught criminals in a giant hairnet, and she kept these things in her utility purse. It makes purple spandex look progressive by comparison. In her movie, Batwoman will face off against Female Hippie Person's evil plot to get women to stop shaving their legs and using makeup.
Bushmaster
Bushmaster debuted in The Super Friends comic book, so you know he's great. Like Batman, Bushmaster's powers come from gadgets he invented. Unlike Batman, for some reason he decided to only make gadgets that duplicate the abilities of reptiles. There's a reason reptiles don't fight crime. Nobody decides to call off a bank robbery because there might be an iguana present. Still, this guy can cover himself in a hard shell, turn the color of most leaves and enjoy the taste of mealworms, so maybe there's hope for him.
Doll Man
Doll Man's power is to shrink down to 6 inches in height while retaining his normal strength. No criminal, no matter how superstitious and/or cowardly, could ever fear Doll Man. "Lo! An extremely tiny figure looms, endowed with the strength of one normal man! The only way I can escape is to run away, or perhaps stroll briskly!" He eventually partnered with Doll Girl and flew a Dollplane, but how does that help? Six inches isn't even that small. In his movie Doll Man will battle, I don't know, a dyspeptic Yorkie with a bad attitude. Seriously, Doll Man?
Tagline: This Summer, Maybe You Should Consider Reading More.
A select few...
Bloke
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/0020.jpg
A short-lived gay character in the Marvel universe. His official powers were super human strength and chameleon-like skin changing abilities, but his real powers appeared to be super (stereotypical) gayness. First of all when he started out (in San Francisco, of course), he didn't know how to control his skin color, so he was rainbow colored. And once he could control it he defaulted to pink. Also, no joke, he liked interior decorating, working out, and musicals.
Major Mapleleaf
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/Major_mapleleaf1.jpg
The original Major Mapleleaf was the typical super-strong, physically invulnerable bullshit. What made him hilarious was that he dressed like a friggin mountie. His elder (and favorite) child died of AIDS, but his younger, possibly abused, child took up the Major Mapleleaf mantle. His shittiness does not come from a horrible costume, however. He instead dresses normal (for a superhero), but gets all his powers from a super horse. A damn horse.
Doorman
http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q205/scarymuppet/dm5.jpg
Don't let his pretty cool appearance fool you. This guy is absolutely horrible. His powers are described as a "class-10 teleporter" which would be pretty impressive if he was a Scientologist. However, when it comes to teleportation, I guess less is more. All this guy can do is teleport someone between two adjacent rooms. He's part of something called the Great Lakes Avengers, who I guess are responsible for defending Michigan
Matter-Eater Lad
I like a hero who tells you what he's all about right up front. Matter-Eater Lad has the power to eat matter, plus he's a lad. Think of all the movies in which Matter-Eater Lad could have saved the day. In Armageddon he could have eaten the asteroid! In Titanic he could have eaten the iceberg! In Just My Luck he could have eaten Lindsey Lohan! But in his own movie he'll have to face a menace he can't just masticate away: a being of pure energy! Or maybe a demonically powered, endless hometown buffet.
Batwoman
This isn't Batgirl, the redhead with the high heels, nor is it the boring gray Batwoman who was on some direct-to-video thing. No, this is the '50s version, and she had makeup-themed gadgets. Really. She had powder puffs of sneezing powder, and she caught criminals in a giant hairnet, and she kept these things in her utility purse. It makes purple spandex look progressive by comparison. In her movie, Batwoman will face off against Female Hippie Person's evil plot to get women to stop shaving their legs and using makeup.
Bushmaster
Bushmaster debuted in The Super Friends comic book, so you know he's great. Like Batman, Bushmaster's powers come from gadgets he invented. Unlike Batman, for some reason he decided to only make gadgets that duplicate the abilities of reptiles. There's a reason reptiles don't fight crime. Nobody decides to call off a bank robbery because there might be an iguana present. Still, this guy can cover himself in a hard shell, turn the color of most leaves and enjoy the taste of mealworms, so maybe there's hope for him.
Doll Man
Doll Man's power is to shrink down to 6 inches in height while retaining his normal strength. No criminal, no matter how superstitious and/or cowardly, could ever fear Doll Man. "Lo! An extremely tiny figure looms, endowed with the strength of one normal man! The only way I can escape is to run away, or perhaps stroll briskly!" He eventually partnered with Doll Girl and flew a Dollplane, but how does that help? Six inches isn't even that small. In his movie Doll Man will battle, I don't know, a dyspeptic Yorkie with a bad attitude. Seriously, Doll Man?
Tagline: This Summer, Maybe You Should Consider Reading More.