Lettered - Fabled Adventures of Jebidiah.

[paul brian deberry]

Heya Gang!

I'm here looking for some lettering feedback on a web strip (The Fabled Adventures Of Jebidiah) that I'm writing/lettering and BEN DENNIS is drawing (MR_BEN is also the creator.)

Anything that would help me snazz things up a bit would be great. Pick it a part... I can take it... just remember that this is the finished version and no changes will be made. HOWEVER! I will use all suggestion that I receive and will be sure to apply them to Sundays Jebisode and ever Jebisode after.

http://www.advofjebidiah.com/images//2007/01/5page_6.jpg

[Amadarwin]

I would have suggested to move the "Now listen here" balloon in the dead space above between panels 1 & 2 for better flow, cuz my eyes were immediately drawn to "Dash, we have to" before it should have been.

[MikeStorniolo]

Panel 2, first balloon- Center the text better, up and right a little bit so it's mroe in the middle of the balloon.

Same thing with the 1st, 3rd, and 4th balloons in the last panel.


Nothing major, just tiny nitpicky things, but it pays off on the finished page. Good job overall though.

[Clem Robins]

the vertical distortion you applied to the title lettering doesn't look anywhere near as bad as most such distortions do. this speaks loudly to the quality of the type face you selected. what is it? who designed it? it's kinda fun. it's a rare thing for type to be put through that kind of wringer and still look good.

that said, if this sort of type treatment intrigues you, why not get a design program and draw your own ulta-condensed title fonts? it's not that hard, and it'll give you a product that is uniquely yours.

love the descender on that "R". is this one of yours, nate?

[Kep!]

I'm seeing a lot of dead space that would be better for placements as opposed to covering body parts or whole bodies. The one in Panel 2 is the most glaring, but in the others as well. It takes away from the action of the scene, making the lettering the central focus of the piece for me...I actually had to read it three times to understand what was going on.

Lets talk balloons. I personally dislike completely / nearly round balloons. Why? No clue, but I do. that's a style call though. the darts / arrows however are very inconsistant...running from barly there to HEY LOOK! I'M A DART! There's also no curve in them...not that there has to be a lot, but traditionally, i believe people find them more pleasing if there is.

In panel 5, balloon 3 you've got no air at all...blow these up a little and let the words breathe.

Panel 5 also has a real layout problem...until I starrted critiquing the lettering, I didn't realize the character was being held by the robot because all the balloons are over the hand. i looked up, and see you covered the hand in panel 2 as well, leaving only panel 1 to sort of give the reader an idea that the character is being held....sort of.

Android nation is a great title font...but I am not a fan of it for dialog...it's a bitch to read. since you're using Blambots, did you try MAINFRAME there? If you didn't dig it, that's fine...but OY!

You use a rectangle for the robot and also for the caption. While the fonts are different, I believe this makes the page more confusing than necisary...try rounding the corners or adding a 10% tint to one of them and you're going to be happier with the result...I'll betcha a nickel.

it was mentioned above that the flow in P1-P2-P3 is really caddywumpus...I honestly have no idea which one comes second and which third...and the dialog doesn't seem to indicate it either. However, A bit of creative placement and you can force the reader to go where you want. ideally, the art should do this on its own, but now and again the letterer has to step up...this is Now and Again.

Ok, that's my 30 second crit. Along with the others, I hope it helps.

[Kep!]

the vertical distortion you applied to the title lettering doesn't look anywhere near as bad as most such distortions do. this speaks loudly to the quality of the type face you selected. what is it? who designed it? it's kinda fun. it's a rare thing for type to be put through that kind of wringer and still look good.

that said, if this sort of type treatment intrigues you, why not get a design program and draw your own ulta-condensed title fonts? it's not that hard, and it'll give you a product that is uniquely yours.

love the descender on that "R". is this one of yours, nate?
Oooo! Cool idea!

[BEN DENNIS]

Ooooh! Over here! Me,... yeah. Me. Hi. I'm BEN, I drew this.
For the record, on the flow of which is panel 2 and which is panel 3? Doesn't matter. It doesn't move the story in those two,... just tells what's going on at the same time between both pairs.
Thaaaanks.

[Kep!]

Ooooh! Over here! Me,... yeah. Me. Hi. I'm BEN, I drew this.
For the record, on the flow of which is panel 2 and which is panel 3? Doesn't matter. It doesn't move the story in those two,... just tells what's going on at the same time between both pairs.
Thaaaanks.
the writer in me wants to slap you for ever having a panel that doesn't move the story...it should ALWAYS move the story. SLAP!

[BEN DENNIS]

the writer in me wants to slap you for ever having a panel that doesn't move the story...it should ALWAYS move the story. SLAP!
Oh,... poo on you. That's why artists and writers don't marry...

[paul brian deberry]

I would have suggested to move the "Now listen here" balloon in the dead space above between panels 1 & 2 for better flow, cuz my eyes were immediately drawn to "Dash, we have to" before it should have been.

Thanks for taking the time. I totally agree... That was one of the things that bugged me the most.

[paul brian deberry]

Panel 2, first balloon- Center the text better, up and right a little bit so it's mroe in the middle of the balloon.

Same thing with the 1st, 3rd, and 4th balloons in the last panel.


Nothing major, just tiny nitpicky things, but it pays off on the finished page. Good job overall though.

It always looks centered before I save it and then... well... it ain't. Making sure that the text is centered is becoming one of my pet peeves

[paul brian deberry]

the vertical distortion you applied to the title lettering doesn't look anywhere near as bad as most such distortions do. this speaks loudly to the quality of the type face you selected. what is it? who designed it? it's kinda fun. it's a rare thing for type to be put through that kind of wringer and still look good.

that said, if this sort of type treatment intrigues you, why not get a design program and draw your own ulta-condensed title fonts? it's not that hard, and it'll give you a product that is uniquely yours.

love the descender on that "R". is this one of yours, nate?

Yep. I only use the finest fonts! These two are from blambot, A.C.M.E. Secret Agent and ANDROID NATION. Nate is the gawd of all comic related fonts.

The title does look pretty neat like that. It came about by accident.

[paul brian deberry]

I'm seeing a lot of dead space that would be better for placements as opposed to covering body parts or whole bodies. The one in Panel 2 is the most glaring, but in the others as well. It takes away from the action of the scene, making the lettering the central focus of the piece for me...I actually had to read it three times to understand what was going on.

Lets talk balloons. I personally dislike completely / nearly round balloons. Why? No clue, but I do. that's a style call though. the darts / arrows however are very inconsistant...running from barly there to HEY LOOK! I'M A DART! There's also no curve in them...not that there has to be a lot, but traditionally, i believe people find them more pleasing if there is.

In panel 5, balloon 3 you've got no air at all...blow these up a little and let the words breathe.

Panel 5 also has a real layout problem...until I starrted critiquing the lettering, I didn't realize the character was being held by the robot because all the balloons are over the hand. i looked up, and see you covered the hand in panel 2 as well, leaving only panel 1 to sort of give the reader an idea that the character is being held....sort of.

Android nation is a great title font...but I am not a fan of it for dialog...it's a bitch to read. since you're using Blambots, did you try MAINFRAME there? If you didn't dig it, that's fine...but OY!

You use a rectangle for the robot and also for the caption. While the fonts are different, I believe this makes the page more confusing than necisary...try rounding the corners or adding a 10% tint to one of them and you're going to be happier with the result...I'll betcha a nickel.

it was mentioned above that the flow in P1-P2-P3 is really caddywumpus...I honestly have no idea which one comes second and which third...and the dialog doesn't seem to indicate it either. However, A bit of creative placement and you can force the reader to go where you want. ideally, the art should do this on its own, but now and again the letterer has to step up...this is Now and Again.

Ok, that's my 30 second crit. Along with the others, I hope it helps.

Thank you. I always look forward to you critiques.

Damn, I owe you a nickel.