New page for review

[Static]

Hello peeps here's a updated page i posted awhile back for review. Please let me hear your thoughts.


http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b139/tazbat/savannah-lettered-pg-2.jpg

[Kep!]

Panel 1:
So much space to the left, but you bumped the balloon complex against the bodies...move them over!

Your balloons in all the panels are very round, which is fine, but many of your dialog blocks don't fit.

Also, you're not giving the words room to breathe...too tight in many of the balloons.

The word blocks aren't centered, most of them shifted to the left (lettering with a limp?).

The NOOOOOOOOOOO is nice, but needs a little thicker outline on it to make it pop off the art.

Panel 2:
The closest thing to action in this panel is the dagger, but you ran the balloon complex over it. Instead, I'd break this into two sections, moving the second over the crotch of the vampire...which i suspect is less important than the dagger (unless this is bad '70s porn).

The Burst balloon you have here is an interesting point for discussion. I see a LOT of people using this style (the offset thick line) when they first start out, but it tends to go away in favor of subtler techniques. In this case, it's like a brick upside the head it is SO prominent that it dominates the panel. I think I'd lose it...however, this is purely style and choice.

Panel 3:
I spoke too soon...lesbian vampire porn...chuckle. The SFX "ME" is fine, but you need to expand the leading between it and the line above, it runs together too much.

Move the balloon up a few bits (that's a technical term) to get into that large hollow area you have there, not so close to the action, it's distracting.

Have fun!

[Static]

thanks for advice but all my word blocks are center i just double checked i'll have an update later 2nite

[Kep!]

thanks for advice but all my word blocks are center i just double checked i'll have an update later 2nite
Consider that they look off center rather than what you believe they are (probably rightly). This is probably due to the way you stacked them if you are certain they are centered, but they all look off to the left.

[Amadarwin]

Static, I believe Kep means "centered" in respect to the word balloon, not the "centered" paragraph option. In otherwords, there's generally more empty space on the right hand side than the left of the words, instead of an even amount.

[Kep!]

Static, I believe Kep means "centered" in respect to the word balloon, not the "centered" paragraph option. In otherwords, there's generally more empty space on the right hand side than the left of the words, instead of an even amount.
That is correct!

[Static]

ok i gotta now thanks