New Lettering Job

[Wiz Rollins]

Hi, folks.

Just looking for a little feedback on this page I'm working on. I'm specifically interested in hearing what folks think about the placement of the last two balloons. Does your eye track the balloons the way I intended?

Thanks! :)

http://badshape.net/ZOO/preview/zoo_p18_FINAL.jpg

[L Jamal]

I think 2 balloons could be better placed.
Panel 4 balloon one "The Silver Goat..." should be higer than the following balloon. I read the second balloon first because it's higher and closer to the previoous balloon.

The other is the "NO" balloon. It really should be above the "But I believe" balloon. The way it reads right now, one could go from "Stories" to "No" or from "You Believe" to "But I Believe" and either way it would be incorrect.

[augiedb]

Two issues:

First, as you suspected, the last two balloons are a bit dodgy. I want to read the "No" balloon as part of the panel above it, or I miss it completely in sequence. Try moving it to the right of the characters head at the bottom of the page along with the other balloon and you should be OK. Maybe even have it overlap the bottom of the preceding panel to help lead the eye even further down, as if the panel shape itself doesn't already do that.

My other issue is in panel four. I'm not sure which order I'm supposed to read the first two balloons in. Left to right? Up and down? From the tail out, or from the furthest left and then towards the character. The dialogue could do either way.

Also, careful with the whitespace inside the balloons. Sometimes, there's a touch too much, and it's usually at the bottom of the balloon. It's a minor thing that I didn't think about too much until I started studying the page, but it's there.

I really like the tail of the first balloon in the third panel hiding behind the chain. Normally, I wouldn't suggest it. Here, though, it really emphasizes the distance of the character who is talking. Nice job!

-Augie

[Gonzogoose]

See, now I want to read the "Silver Goat" line before I read the "Then you've heard what he can do?" balloon. And as for the last two, I want to read the last balloon before the "No".

I would have the "I got ears..." balloon farther left, with the "Then you've heard..." a little higher to where the top of it is in between the "I got ears" and the "Silver Goat" balloon, which is now moved right a bit.

As for the "No", I agree about stacking it on top of the last one. I may even connect them.

EDIT - See, I read them wrong and didn't even realize the Silver Goat line came before the I got ears line. Definitely move the Silver goat balloon up.

[Jason Arthur]

Here's how I'd change things:

http://www.jasonarthur.com/images/solution.jpg

The two tails that I crossed out need more curve to them. They're a bit fat in the middle. The one masked behind the chains in the upper right of the page is too, but it's hidden, so no biggie. Just use your direct selection tool and click the end of the tail, then move the curve a bit and it'll look better.

I think you should move the first circled balloon up so that it appears to be the first thing to read. Then move the "No" above the final balloon of the page to avoid the confusion it's causing.

looking good though, nice work. Eager to see it after the revisions.

-- J

[Wiz Rollins]

Guys, sorry it's taken me so long to respond. Didn't get an email reply so I didn't check.

All great points made, I'll make some adjustments tomorrow morning and repost.

Thanks! :)